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Jack is back
November 2, 2004
12:52 pm
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Anonymous
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So Mr. Jack and I are suppose to go dinner thursday, I'm assuming to end things on a nice note, I know most of you here will be very upset with me, but if it is to end it, I need that closure. I think that we have both realized that our relationship is very unhealthy, and that it will go nowhere. I told him that last night, I know it will go nowhere. It is so hard and then there is part of me that thinks I should just cancel and not go. But I want to have closure, but then I also think this is just a way to hold on, there are so many things I would like to say to him, and then I wonder if it is even worth it. I am so upset because I know I am so weak when it comes to him. Why do I have to be this weak.

November 2, 2004
12:53 pm
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starryslp
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oh aces...if you really need to go, then do what you must...but don't let him suck you in. And after dinner..then no contact...it really helps...even though it is hard.

I'd say go, but make a promise to yourself that that is it!!!

November 2, 2004
1:02 pm
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Anonymous
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I know you know how it is starry you are going through the same thing kinda, it is just so hard to say no, it would be like if your ex wanted to go to dinner, do you think you would go?

November 2, 2004
1:05 pm
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workinonit
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Aces, I really wish you wouldn't go but, it is your choice.

November 2, 2004
1:12 pm
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kathygy
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Aces, going to dinner sounds very slippery for you. If you don't even feel confident that you can walk away for good from Mr. Jack after dinner then I say its best not to go. Remember he is not a sane, normal person you can just talk with and get closure. He may try to talk you out of it. Are you strong enough to say no? Remember all of the abuse and crazy, imature behavior. Be honest with yourself and give self care priority.

November 2, 2004
1:16 pm
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Anonymous
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Honestly you guys, I don't think I can be strong enough, and the worst part is I miss him and just want to see him. And I don't know if I could ever get closure with him. I think that he can be nice when he wants, but he is so moody it is hard to tell. I told him last night that sometimes it's worse not being with him then being with him, just because I do care and that is how I feel at times, other times, I know it will be better. I wish I was stronger I was thinking of writing out everything I wanted him to know before I were to go. That way I would not get side tracked.

November 2, 2004
1:18 pm
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starryslp
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Aces...I am sure I would go. And I am sure I would be miserable afterwards!!! But, even knowing that I would go. I don't know why though.

Heck, I was miserable after a 10 minute phone call...

Maybe look at it this way, is going to dinner going to get you what you want? Is it goin to make Mr. Jack the guy you make him out to be, is it going to make him want a relationship with you?

Why go if the end result won't be what you want?

By the way...I think I may have to go back to Toledo for a funeral this week, and undoubteldly will run into my ex..I am freaking a bit about how to handle this situation...so I can really empathize!!

November 2, 2004
1:25 pm
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Cici
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I would probably go, and regret it afterwards.

my BD (baby's daddy) stopped by I shouldn't have let him in....he was blind drunk, just sat there and cried. It was depressing and sad and kinda disgusting. Made me think of a little kid, though....anyways, it never pays to do these things.

November 2, 2004
1:39 pm
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fairy99
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Aces

You can do this I know you can. If you need closure then closure it is. I know what your feeling and how hard it is to let go healthy or not. I know your heart aches for him even though he's such an ass and has no ides how to treat anyone else other than himself. My hopes for this is you will remember during the course of dinner all the cruel things he has said and done and that those things will help you be strong. You do know you deserve better than Mr Jack and that your life will be so much better with him gone, so you have to make that decesion on your own. I know you don't think you are strong but you are. reach downdeep inside and pull that rock of a person out and stand firm. Girl, you have to do what you have to do whether it's stay or go, but whatever you decide to do I am here for you no matter what. My main concern is that you are happy.

~~fairy~~

November 2, 2004
1:40 pm
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Anonymous
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Starry- what are YOU going to do? It is so hard when you want to see that person so much and then when you do see them it hurts you so much more than before you saw them. I just miss him and i know so many people would say, what do you miss, but it is hard to explain, I miss the void he filled in my life, and I miss just him in general, not the crappy things though. I know it sounds terrible and sounds weak but it is how I feel. It doesnt mean that all logic has left me and I think he is great and so forth.

Cici- I think you let him in because deep inside you want him to say all the right things, and DO all the right things , but in the end I dont think they ever will. I think we want a dream person they can never be. But then again I like what Mr. Jack is sometimes, he is so like me that it makes me angry that I see myself in him at times.

The sad part is ladies that I feel that Mr. Jack and I will never let it go, ever, and I don't understand why that is. Are we both addicted, or do we both just feel that same pull and desire. I truly have realized that I can admit I care about him, it took me a long time to be able to even admit that (cici you should know about that one).

Fairy - i hope you won't be too dissapointed in me and I can still be your hero in some sorts.

November 2, 2004
1:44 pm
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CAMER
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Aces, go if you need to, but eventually you do need to give closure, this man will not change, yeah maybe for a week or month but not in the long run...please be careful, don't let him manipulate you,
be good to you and know you deserve
better, I wish it was easier to just
walk away, but i have been thru it b4
and its tough. Just try, try try to
get closure and end all tonite.

best of luck (((camer)))

November 2, 2004
1:44 pm
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Cristine
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Sweety, if you know you don't think you are strong enough to go to dinner... which leads to night time, which leads to... you know... then how about coffee during working hours at lunch? Then, you get your closure, you know it's got a time limit and a natural set boundary, and you are satisfying your need to see him.... just a suggestion to still accomplish what you want without it being at night.

November 2, 2004
1:51 pm
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fairy99
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I could never be disappointed in you for taking what you want for your life. I understand the addiction better than anyone knows becasue I had one for over 20 years. To this day I still love him like I have no toher man in my life but I know I can't live with an unhealthy relationship no matter how strong the emotions or desires.

Sweetie, you have to do what makes you happy, and if Mr Jack can change then I say go for it, but if you continue to stay they way things have been in the past, you will willow away to another person who you won't recignize one day lookin in the mirror. I only want for you to be happy and you are the only one who can decide that. Never will I ever be disappointed in any decesion you make.
Your my hero remember? Always will be.

~~fairy~~

November 2, 2004
2:03 pm
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Anonymous
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I know cristine, it is just hard with our schedules to do a lunch thing, since I work downtown and he works about 1/2 hour from me. Sometimes, I think he really does want to try and that things get so mixed up I am just not sure. Ughhh, I wish things were simpler.

November 2, 2004
2:06 pm
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Anonymous
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Fairy having this type of support really truly touches my heart. I know that he won't truly change, but I think for myself I just need to do this one thing, and when I come back here in a mess because it didn't work out, I know that you will be here for me. You're still my hero too, I hope things are going okay for you at home and did you have your talk?

November 2, 2004
2:06 pm
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Cristine
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Aces.. if he wants to try, then lunch won't be a problem, believe me. Things are simple, we complicate the hell out of them, don't we? :o)

How about coffee on the weekend? Keep it light, simple, and not a "date" atmosphere. THAT is complicating things by doing dinner.

November 2, 2004
2:22 pm
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Anonymous
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I know and here is the bad part I kinda wanted that atmosphere even though I know it isn't good. How bad is that. I just miss him.

November 2, 2004
2:27 pm
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fairy99
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Yes I did have my talk with the whole family and they were very sweet about the whole thing. They all apologized for treating me as though I was invisible and said they just didn't realize it. They took for granted that Mom and wife would always be there and that I was only doing what I neede to. Yes I was doing it but it gets harder everyday and they didn't really realize that until now. They have been really helpful with everything and for the first time in a very very long time, I got to sit on my butt on Saturday and do nothing. I could hardly just sit there but I did.

It doesn't matter if you come back a mess, it matters that you come back. You know I am here for you and never will you hear I told you so. Just not my style. Protect your heart sweetie. I wish I could be ther to whisper in your ear when he says something he shouldn't, so just imagine a little guardian fairy sitting on your shoulder watching over you.

~~fairy~~

November 2, 2004
2:55 pm
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Anonymous
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Fairy I am so happy that the talk went well. See I knew they appreciated you, who wouldnt. And I am glad you got to sit around sat even though you didn't quite know what to do with yourself, you deserved it.

I know you will be there with me and I know that I will have your support as well as others hopefully. I just wish I was stronger to not even go, but I for right now feel I need to so we will see how it goes. Who knows, knowing him he may flake out and be the one to cancel.

November 2, 2004
2:59 pm
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fairy99
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You'll be fine honey. Just remember: YOU ARE IN CONTROL!!!

You know I'll be right here if you need me.

~~fairy~~

November 2, 2004
3:14 pm
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CAMER
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Aces, i'll be here for you always too...i just don't want to see this
Mr.Jack sweet talk you for a while, then end up breaking your heart in the process by treating you badly.

My thoughts and prayers go your way...and you better let us know how things went!!!!!!

hugs & support..camer

November 2, 2004
6:13 pm
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art angel
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Aces,
be strong!
keep us posted...
love,
art angel

November 3, 2004
9:59 am
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Anonymous
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Okay I have made up my mind and I just do not think I should go. I want things to be better between us, but I just don't think they can, and I just don't think it would be a good idea, even though I want to, I need the strength to NOT go. I also have not yet told him this, which I now feel weird about doing. What do I say, Sorry changed my mind I can't make it, or nevermind it is a bad idea?

November 3, 2004
11:40 am
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Anonymous
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and after our conversation just now, definitley not going. Ughh what was I thinking.

November 3, 2004
11:46 am
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bubishi76
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Aces,
You wanted to go for closer right. I don't think I know everything surrounding this Jack, but I think you at least should put the nail in the coffin. Why do people work each other like a yo-yo?? If you're going to end it, do so. If you're not sure then at least tell the man your not sure. Some day, a decision HAS TO be made.

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