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I've lost myself .... !!! , I really need help to get out of my deep depression ...
November 4, 2001
9:07 am
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deepression
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I'm really confused to talk about how could this had happened to me , I really wasn't the way I'm now , I used to be outgoing and understanding , able to consider any difficulties as chalenges , able to analyze any situation even if it does involve me personally and yet be able to solve it , and get back to enjoy many things in life , especially most absract issues like , Nature and and imagination , computer games , Music , especially classic music ..., not anymore , I'm barely able to interact correctly with my surroundings ...

but now I'm a different person , I used to think that I'll always be able to get back as I used to be , never thought that depression could cause so permenant damage to my brain , does it ?? does it really !!!?

a strange scary doubt about evrything is now planted in my brain to the roots .... , unlike my previous very enthusiastic course , infact I used to consider the future as a safer and more garunteed place to think of , a future that is going to be better with faith and true sensations ..., not any more now ..

what else , what can I say ?? , all this started 6 years ago , since I entered univercity , and faliures and dissapointments started to accumelate ... , but I swear god knows it is not my fault , here in Jordan , education is a very fake issue , infact it is a very innatural process that involves blidness and ignorance more than it can use sensitivity and imagination along with deep belief in science and true commitment to it ...

recently , I had another slap at my face , the one that had finished and completely dried my hope of recovery , it is an emotional crises with the girl that I've been loving for the past 10 years , and was planing to get married to ,but she is gone now , but without further detailes , this thing wasn't supposed to hurt me that much if it had struck me in a different conditions , but with my already injured to the bone self confidense , it was a deadly hit .... , and it was to force me to start thinking about suicide which I tried to commit several times and was really close to it , but it seems like this very thin strand of light and hope and my deep commitment to my family made all my trials a faliure , yet I'm still in an eveready state for commiting it when I get really disperate ... , in fact my escape from suicide hasn't made me any better , it made me worse and evrytime less sensitive and more confusing ... and lost ...

I don't know if I had explained my case clearly or not , but if I had the chance to do that 2 or 3 years ago , I might had more strong feelings and words to express , but now I really don't care anymore , I only had this very warm and overwhelming deepression that I'm afraid had erased evrything else I had in my memmory ... , it is going to make me a new person , not a better one though I'm afraid ..

Please I really need subjective help here , please tell me what should I do before I copmpletely loose my self ..

accept all my respect for taking the time to read my thread ... thanks ..

my e-mail is : [email protected]

November 4, 2001
12:41 pm
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Molly
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Depression feeds itself through inaction, don't let it win, make the choice to do something anything, find support, take a walk, no matter how low we get, in our minds, there is still someone or something that needs us. If you are in Jordan, there are several places were your energy can be useful. Find a rabbi, or a minister, go to an orphanage, do some cleaning. Serve mankind, it is the best antidepressant there is. Find a list of jokes and read it to the sick in the hospital, there are so many ways to shake this, itseems dark, but if you can try just a little bit more you can see the light. Please we need you.

November 5, 2001
1:27 am
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heart
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Please listen to these ladies. I personally know from experience how
dark and hopeless it may seem. Have
you considered a visit to a Physician? Medication helped me so
much. There is hope, we are on your
side!
Your friend- Heart

November 5, 2001
4:31 pm
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alcaustin
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September 24, 2010
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hey deepression

this chats room HELP!!
trust me
people that respond give GOOD ADVICE
i have a room called

help me, i need someone to talk to
or something like that
and people helped me out
and it is working
so jut hang in there

November 5, 2001
8:32 pm
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jadadavinci
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September 27, 2010
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Hi Deepression,

Is your name Dee too? That is my name. I go through depression alot too. It seems like a neverending cycle of emotional wearing. I am so sorry you feel so bad. the people here are so friendly. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP! We will all try to help you. I will pray for you.

Dee šŸ™‚

November 6, 2001
12:22 pm
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deepression
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to all of you great lovely ppl , Thanks ... , what can i say , I'm gratefull ...
you are more magnificent than whatever I could have hoped for..

to the GORGOUS BlondieNYC ... , I've read some of your previous posts , one like you can do no less than miracles , and actually you had ...!!
please accept all my respect and appreciation ,I wish we can be soul mates , but how can I measure up to a soul like yours !!! ,please tell me how can I do that ?? I'm really one of you're biggest fans beautifull STAR ... šŸ™‚ , please tell me further about you and what you think I should do ...

to Molly : believe me lovely one , I used to do what u asked me to do now , in fact helping others and trying to resolve thier problems and relief them from worrys is one of the my PREVIOUSLY best ways to generate a feeling of awarness for me , and pass it along with an optimistic sense to the other party ... , I no longer even remember how I used to do that !!! , my feelings are as dry and self concentrated as they have never been before , my brain and feelings aren't co-operating or under control anymore , or at least not as they used to be ...
I promise I'll try to difuse life in my soul again , but I won't hide this , I am afraid of the change ... , and I really want to speak of even more details about the roots of my depression , especially in the Social Issues section , what do you think ??
I am gratefull , thanks my good friend ...

to the BIG HEART heart : do u mean a psychic by Physician ??? , well , there is one at our univercity's health facility , but he's just as helpless as anybody here in our society , the problem is in the way ppl here think or maybe do NOT think , I really need to explain this in a different long thread ..
but from your previous experience , do anti depressant drugs help ?? , I used to read about them for some time in order to try them , but always being shocked by extreme cautions about thier side effects !!, only recently , I watched a TV program talking about them and they actually for the first time adviced evrybody who needs them to take them for really long terms or even for ever !!! , that doc. I told u about actually refused to even mention any kind .. !!! ,
but could these chemical imbalances that depression causes to the brain be so irreversable !!!??? , what do u think ??
and thanks for your help pure HEART ...

and to the kind Alcaustin and Dee , your're words are as encouraging and warm as the others and more , I wish we can raise a special friendship here ... šŸ™‚ , I really need friends like you ... , and by the way Dee , call me ato .. šŸ™‚ , thanks ..

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