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It's Workinonit....I am trying to break it off but.....
January 20, 2005
6:30 pm
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workinonit
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Oh Ren'ai, thank you for those words. I am feeling better about things though I have to admit i thought about calling him but , I started trying to remember the good things and guess what? I couldn't think of a damn thing!

I wonder if my problem is once I get sucked in I have a hard time discerning good from not good? I know I am glad I didn't keep something going that wasn't working and I'm beginning to see I must be growing because I DID SOMETHING!!!!

The break up thing now that is something else altogether. Jeez, how do you do this without crying all over the place?

Learning............

(((((((((((((HUGS REN"AI))))))))))))))

January 20, 2005
6:34 pm
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Anonymous
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You let yourself cry, it is your body's way of healing..... besides we all do it, so it's okay

(((((hug to you kid)))))))

January 20, 2005
8:55 pm
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Indeed! Feeling those feelings to me is very important. Any emotion be it pain, grief, elation or any other, to me each needs to be felt. How are you tonight? I didn't go to OK...Feeling a cold coming on so I am here.

Much love,

Sunny 🙂 P.S. As always, thank you for the angels!

January 20, 2005
9:12 pm
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workinonit
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Hello ladies!! I am intensly stressed tonight.

The good thing is I am focusing on my school work but it is complex. Management strategies, examining trends, developing contingency plans!!!!! Ayiyi

Anyway, the phone line affects the connection and my daughter is 11. Need I say more!????? LOL

Anyway, I though about calling him and then I said why Lori? I really answered myself too! The answer was, no real reason. Moving on is the best thing I could do because right now I can only think of one thing I miss..............and you know we all have the tools for this problem!!! LOL

Ok, I think I'm on my way back!! Yahoo!

January 20, 2005
9:32 pm
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Anonymous
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Oh my!!!!

LOLOL!!! Well, those 'tools' certainly can't hurt!
First time I cackled all day! You go G/F!!!!! I think you did the right thing and BTW, have a great time this weekend!!!

Sunny 🙂

January 20, 2005
9:53 pm
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workinonit
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What this weekend? I'm going out right now!!!

January 20, 2005
9:54 pm
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CAMER
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key word...TOOLS, TOOLS TOOLS...and they don't talk back to you, and you can toss it down when you are done...its all good...tools!!!

Working, keep the faith, you will get better and stronger....cry if needed, and know that you are cared for by so many of us here...thanks for making me laugh tonite with the
"tools" bit!!!

love, camer

January 20, 2005
10:10 pm
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on my way
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Workin...you are awesome. There is someone there out there for you , I know there is...you'll find him...whoops, wait a minute...HE WILL FIND YOU!! Yes he will. You are so smart, just hang in. All of this is just preparation for the RIGHT guy to come along, so you will know him andhe will recognize you...HANG IN!!!!

January 21, 2005
1:12 pm
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Hey Workin,

Glad to hear you are hanging in there and working on being strong, sticking to your guns, all that "fun" stuff... I can't remember what thread it was on, but someone suggested going to http://www.facade.com just for the fun of it, and believe me it has been fun! You may want to check it out.

So, how are you FEELING about the break up? Are you letting yourself cry? I have a lot to cry about lately, and I plan on doing a lot of crying tonight.

Life is, and has always been hard. It's what builds our strength...

Love to you, Workin. You are a bright spot in my sometimes very dark days!

Ren'ai

January 22, 2005
1:13 am
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bubishi76
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Hey Workin',
What's up sweet-thang??? Just stickin my head in here and seeing how you are. We talked on Salmons thread but I finally saw you had your own. SO how are you??? Just wondering if you were still down or if you're about to come to my party in the Valley??? I need some more hott chicks there!!! ;o) Let me know how you are.

~Bubishi~
~The Peaceful Warrior~

"Follow your heart, hang on and don't give up just because everyone else does. There is nobility in being the last one standing, because the persistent few are those who stretch boundaries, set brave new standards and secure the hope for a better tomorrow."

January 22, 2005
8:34 am
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workinonit
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OMW, Thank you sweetie! I appreciate your thoughts and you know, the more I think about this, I did resist old patterns. I have to remind myself of the past. I give this advice to others all the time. You know, look back to where you've been and all? Easy to give it hard to live!

And yes, he'll come along!!!!!
(Hope he likes Toby Keith)

Ren'ai, thanks for supporting me here. I kow you are going through a tough time right now and I hope you are surviving the weekend. Remember, I'm thinking positive thoughts!!

Yeah, I've cried some but the ocean was Monday night. I've resisted calling him several times because I am thinking the consequences through. It would mean nothing unless it was initiated by him so.....

Bub, I am on my way to the valley!!! Having a party tonight? I've been out with friends some but mostly doing school work and trying to get my apartment in order.(right now I am procrastinating very well)
Thanks for reminding me to stretch my boundaries. I like that. I am setting new standards if not for others, for me.

You are such a darlin and I appreciate you checking in with me!!!!

January 23, 2005
10:08 am
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readyforachange
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(((((((workin))))))

Hey, I just caught up on this thread...must have missed it before.

Sorry to hear about everything, but it sounds like you're moving forward to learn and grow from this experience. I know it's scary...especially when that "N" word comes up. If I ever get involved with another man, and he turns out to be a "N", I hope someone will shake me and point me toward the door. Sounds like you were able to do that yourself, which shows growth in itself. You knew there were red flags, at least your head did. Your heart may have been pulling you in a different direction. Point being, you have some internal warning system. Still "workin" on getting the heart to follow the head's lead, though. I think that may be the trick.

You have so many great things going on in your life right now....focus on them, and spend time workin on the relationship issues little by little. One step forward, two steps back...we'll all get there!

Keep the faith!

January 23, 2005
2:32 pm
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salmon
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Dear workinonit,

How was the weekend? I hope nice weather, nice friends, and a super time. Sounds like you're headed in the right direction. Hang in there, honey...

Salmon

January 23, 2005
9:44 pm
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Alegab
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Hi Workin- I don't know how i missed this thread. I am sorry. For the many threads i've read and that is including mine, you are such a sweetheart. You are so helpful to others. PLEASE, PLEASE give yourself what you DESERVE. It sounds like this guy has alot of issues to deal with himself and he is placing his inventory on you. You are too smart for that, you have alot of things going for yourself. As many others have said, give yourself the time to think this through and do what is best for YOU.

There has to be balance in a relationship. If not, sooner or later resentments start setting in. It can't be avoided. No one wants to be a "doormat".

I am very giving to the point of ignoring my own needs. These are my childhood issues that "i must prove myself to be worthy." How screwed up that really is. I am workinonit!!!!! LOL

Hang in there and keep posting.

Love and (((((((hugs))))))
Alegab

January 23, 2005
11:13 pm
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Hi Workin'

I finally got over here. You have some wonderful responses and I can't add much more than the great posts here! I couldn't have said it any better than what Aces, Camer, SD and mamaC said here!

When I saw your post, however, all I could think was, darn it, I am sorry this is going on for you. You have so many positive things going for you, yet, here it is, coda again. It is rotten, I believe when one can be so bright, insightful, helpful to others and always upbeat as you are, yet relationships can drag us down.

Yet I believe there is hope here, for you and for all of us. you have grown a lot. Your posts show that growth, insight and strength in you! You ARE recovering. You even remarked that you see this in yourself. Be patient, it will come. Be kind to yourself, you have come along way, baby!

I finally finished my take on the commitment issue! What follows is most interesting, and the tone and purpose of the posters changes! I was a bit skeptical at first, but I think all has gone on quite well. you'll understand what I mean.

Take care and keep it coming, lady!

Sew/C

January 23, 2005
11:22 pm
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balancesekr
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hi workinonit,
I can relate to what you are talking about here. I can't date more than one person either! I started off slow with a new guy and I feel like I am in the same old pattern. What makes this even more difficult is he is a great guy, calls, shows up on time, brings flowers... but of course I wonder, does he do all this because I am unavailable?

Anyway, it's a rough road we are on, but I believe that the pain that we are feeling is our wake up call. I am still unsure what I am going to do so all I can say is we need to focus on our own SIGNAL and listen to what it is telling us. (((HUGS TO YOU)))

January 26, 2005
3:53 pm
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Anonymous
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(((((Workin)))))

How are ya?

It's been a LONG several days but everything seems to be going along just fine. I am feeling more and more like I'm not going to get back together with my ex and for whatever reason, right now it's something I can accept. Who knows how I'll be feeling about it tomorrow.

What is happening in your life? What are you doing to keep yourself occupied? How are you feeling emotionally? It would do me some good to hear about someone else's life than worry about my own all the time...

Love to you, Workin!!!

Ren'ai

January 26, 2005
7:16 pm
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workinonit
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sew, thanks for thinking of me. You know, I almost welcome codep now. It has been one of the best teachers I ever had. How else can I get to the bottom of what is in my heart? I am not afraid to commit though. I just need to get to the poibnt where the person is worthy as I know I am!!!!!

balance! That signal is the truest part of us we know. I mean, we are not always willing to trust anything about ourselves but if we could only train ourselves to hear ourselves scream from inside! we'd do great things!!
Are you hearing the scream now balance? Is this guy giving you the signals? You'll know and each time you'll know sooner!!! That, my friend is the best part!

Ren'ai, my dear friend, thank you for checking on me. I'm doing much better and I am excited about my life again. It doesn't taKE me so long any more and for that I'm grateful!!
I am examining a business opp and it looks good. I've been wanting to do something as the porporate world SUCKS!!!! So keep your fingers crossed and I'll keep exploring this option.
Are you ok? Do you want to get back with the ex? Is this the recent ex or the one who's partner died? Sorry for all the questions but I'm unsure.
You be good to you Ren'ai, the rainbow always happens after the rain.

January 26, 2005
7:26 pm
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Hi there Sweetness!

Glad to see a post from you and good news to boot!

I'm talking about the recent ex, not the one whose partner just died. I am just friends with that ex. I guess I'm getting to a point where I'm not even really friends with the "new" ex. It seems that no matter what I do I can't make her happy. And that doesn't surprise me. It's not my job to make her happy!

For the most part I'm doing great as well. Not having much pain. Work is taking a toll on me right now and what I'm wishing for more than ever is the chance to do something new and different. I would love to write a book. I would love to concentrate more on my art work. I would love to get into film. There is actually a big movie being shot here. Charlize Theron and Sissy Spacek are in town!!! I would love to be able to be an extra or just run errands during the shoot. I LOVE movies!!!

Good to hear from you, workin. You might get a kick out of checking out the "Codependency is a myth" thread over on Liberation Brew. Phalic is cool, in my opinion...

Love to you, Workin. I'm always so happy to hear from you!!!

Respectfully,

Ren'ai

January 26, 2005
7:46 pm
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workinonit
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Ren'ai, OK help me understand. You are getting back together because.............

Fill that in for me please!!

Something new! Oh yeah! I was thinking about that today and I realized so much of my life recently has been bringing me here! I guess it just does and we don't even know it. Or see it until it is upon us. Maybe we need to reflect on the little things we have before us. Think about the decisions, the pros and cons.

You need to do this too! It may be just the thing that chronic pain needs to go back where it came from!!!

January 26, 2005
8:05 pm
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Anonymous
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Workin,

I'm not sure what I said, but I'm not getting back together with anyone. In fact, I'm realizing that I'm not going to be able to reconcile with my "new" ex. She has continued to ask me to go and visit her but things keep on happening that prevent me from going. I was going to break down and see her this weekend but as it turns out, I have to make a 200 mile round trip for one of my clients so I can't go and see her now.

Amazing, don't you think? That if you just open up your heart, the powers that be will just take care of business!

Love,

Ren'ai

January 26, 2005
8:15 pm
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balancesekr
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hey workinonit and ren'ai,

workin... the signals I am getting from this new guy are difficult for me to interpret.. I can't tell if he would be someone good for me or not. I just feel like maybe he... I don't know, I feel like I get this way with every guy, I am never sure!

What I am clear on is that I am not ready for a relationship! I just get scared that I never will be ready!

I look at the new guy and just think that he is way younger and as much as I want to think it doesn't matter and maybe this is better, he is not set in his ways... I just think to myself, well how do you feel about him? I don't think I feel crazy about him. I just feel older than he is, gee, probably cause I am! And I still miss the ex. Guess I am workinonit too!

I hope you are well 🙂

January 26, 2005
8:23 pm
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workinonit
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ready, I am so sorry I didn't see your post! Thanks for your support again!! You are so right. I am trying to get the head to follow the lead of my heart. I'll get it soon enough but in the meantime.....lots of other things to occupy my time.

Alegab, Thank you sweetie! I appreciate the support from everyone on this thread and you know the words I speak out come straight from my heart. I will not be that damn doormat !!You be strong woman!!! We will make it.

Salmon, I didn't see your post either!! Thanks for coming over to check on me. My direction is getting more and more focused. I'll keep it going!

Ren'ai, I must have totally misread your post! Sorry honey. Now think about the new venture and see it as being there for you now!!!

January 26, 2005
9:18 pm
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Hey there workin,

How's it going with this new relationship thing? Better yet, how are YOU doing? You post so strongly up in Libs to your 'mentor' and here in Support, yet I understand how no matter how strong we are, our feelings and emotions are a whole other issue!

I know you are going to get thru this well. It's in your being; you'll get there. It's the struggle along that rocky road in getting there that we stumble upon the rocks in our way.

I have to tell you thank you so much for your compliment on 'bantering'. Had you not siad it, I would never had known. Remember, this is the gal who was told 'stupid' all my life. Now I realize not true and have more about me. JM, in commitment thread said 'validation needed'? Yes, we need validation sometimes if not sure, or if we are not aware of something. You provided me with INSIGHT. Thank you for the warm fuzzys!!!!! And sometimes, it just feels GOOD to have someone say something good about any of us. You have a knack for that!

Sending you warm cuddles (((workin')))

Sew/C

January 27, 2005
5:13 pm
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workinonit
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sew, you are so-o sweet! But truly, I like your style and wit. You are quick on the uptake with certain issues and this is not by any m,eans stupid. I posted a "sermon" LOL in "Need a womans point of view thread" This is kind of similar. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Maybe I should go into motivational speaking? Why not!

Just watch out for those rocks in the road. We have to learn to jump higher!! LOL

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