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It's time for me to take a break.......Mich here.....
August 2, 2007
2:25 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I think that I have come to another point to say "Goodbye" for a little while again.

I don't know how long I may be. Could be back tomorrow, could be three weeks...could be six months....could be never.

I came to this site a little over a year ago. There was a lot on my mind. I, for the first time in my life told my entire life story...in bits and pieces.

I have experienced love, acceptance, validation and many other positive emotions in that time. Feelings I didn't know existed, or hadn't felt in a long time. Some of them feelings that I didn't want to ever feel again. I didn't want the hurt that came with them.

I, to some degree, do not feel strong enough to be here at this point. I do not feel strong enough to feel some of those feelings.

I have been loved and accepted by people here that have truly changed my life in SO many ways. SO MANY. People here had the best advice. Some of that advice hurt, some of it saved my life. Some of it was comfortable, some of it was not. It is ok.

I left once before for about three weeks. It was the best thing that happened to me. I grew a lot, I was stronger for walking away. I knew that I needed to do that. Now, that being said...the SC helped me out there a little bit (thanks SC).

I don't know where this leave will take me. But, I fully believe at this point in my life, that I have opened enough cans of worms that I do not know how to deal with, that it is time to walk away. I am hurting, and desperate...but in being here, I think that some things are hurting me more.

I want to tell all, I want to let it all go. Yet, I can't anymore. I am no longer comfortable. NOBODY here has given me that feeling, the problem is, that I am no longer comfortable with who I am, or where I am in this life. My head is in a series of downward spirals that are only getting worse.

I feel like I am no longer able to help people here, that I am more of a hurt sometimes...though that was never my intention. I have some serious thinking to do, and I have got to do something to change where my life is headed.

I had pretty much conquered the suicidal feelings that I had. They were gone for the most part. I struggled with cutting, which I had not done for weeks. I have failed there once again, because of where I am in the head. The suicidal thoughts have come back to haunt me, and that has truly only been in the last week or two.

I can't be honest here, because I can't be honest with myself. It hurts a lot. I cannot describle the pain that I feel or where it is coming from. Though some of it, I am well aware of where it is coming from. I just want it to go away.

I appreciate all that each and every one of you have done for me. I truly do. It breaks my heart as I have truly learned to love and care about a lot of you. You have all made a huge difference in my life. I love and appreciate you all.

Take care and peace to all. I wish you all nothing but the best in this life.

Mich

August 2, 2007
2:39 pm
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(((((Mich)))))

You have grown so much. I'm very sad to hear that the suicidal feelings are back, as well as the cutting. Bravo to you for being open about that. I believe deeply in your ability to gather resources around you to help you survive. If AAC cannot be one of those resources for you right now, that is your call. I know you know you can always come back any time and be welcomed with love and open arms.

I read where you posted on another thread that Jim has been away and won't return till the 11th - just over a week from now. I hope you will be able to see him as soon as he is back, and receive again the help he has been so good at giving you.

(((Mich))) I understand that this may be a long or a short break. What I think is great is that you are sharing your process with us openly. If you come back tomorrow, I know you will have more to share about how the 24-hour break went :o) If you end up being away for a long time, we will think good thoughts of you and trust that beautiful, passionate, deeply intelligent Mich is off growing and blossoming somewhere else in the way that is right for her.

And hey.... if I'm ever near a McDonald's in Alaska....

much love, kroiks

August 2, 2007
2:46 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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kroika....ahhh McDonalds....the dream...it's just a dream kroika. But, it will always be there...NEVER want to lose sight of the happy thoughts.

and if the "Tumptations" are still looking for a fourth member when and if I come back....maybe, I will be better at it then. Sorry to let you down...

Love,

Much in need of some time, Peace, and grieving....Mich

August 2, 2007
5:10 pm
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Honolulugal
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I know we don't speak directly much, Mich, but I sure wish you peace and contentment SOON!

Aloha,

H-gal

August 2, 2007
5:56 pm
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lovinglife
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...so as I’m heading out of town for a bit I find that sister Michy is heading out of AAC town too ????

ah, I don't know about that there sis...now being the great co-dee I am... are u SURE- 100% positive that is what is best for you at this time? Not trying to be a bossy big sis here...but gosh Michy something doesn't sound right… got this from a thread you post on the libs side…. ."I haven't seen Jim in two months, and he is gone until the 11th. I just need something. And I don't want to do it here, where I make it worse for myself. (and the others that care)."

OK I can only share my perspective but it sounds like maybe you are pushing something away (that being AAC) because you're feeling _______________. YOU can fill the answer in. And the reason why it sounds to me like you are pushing something away is because I've been the master at that all my life...I've bolted at the slightest bit of feeling uncomfortable with myself, bolted when I assume others are thinking things, bolted because I didn’t want to face the pain or feel it. It wasn't until having this outlet here (AAC) that I forced myself to work through the pain, work through what I was feeling- which really equaled working through a big ole' mess going on in my head. And sometimes I'm sure that it wasn't the prettiest mess maybe for others to read in here. Its yucky stuff Mich that goes on in our heads-and my belief is the only way we can sort through it is by getting it out...it's what worked for me anyhow...

All About Counseling huh...just thinking how in many ways it seemed like I was laying on the couch at a docs office spilling my heads thoughts and the doc just quietly listened while waiting for me to work through it myself, for me to find the answers. And when it seemed like I couldn't do it on my own or was struggling a bit too much - an inspiring, an encouraging, a wisdom filled post would dropped down and help me (and many of those were from you). Or maybe I’d read another thread others were posting on and something in there would open my eyes. For me AAC what has worked - enormously – because I wanted it to, I made it work...it was my goal arriving here, and it also worked because of the wonderful posters on this site… couldn't have done it alone thats for sure.

Michigan this is your journey and you gots to do what you gots to do for you. IS that leaving here for a bit or is it staying and working through whatever prompted this??? And that my sister, only you can answer.

Ok...I’m really going on vacation here, really! Been wrapping up a few things here this week regarding shutting my computer down for a few months…ya know kinda like preparation for the trip ahead : )

Take care Michigan…oh and one more thing…wanted to thank you for passing on that Martina Mc Bride song “Anyway.” Often when I felt discouraged (esp in the love depart) I’ll listened to that song and it would make me smile…and give me the strength "do it anyway".

God is great…But sometimes life ain't good…And when I pray…It doesn't always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway…

I do it anyway

: ) Love you (((((My Michigan)))))

August 2, 2007
5:58 pm
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lovinglife
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SHOOT!!!

dern that bold- sometimes it has a mind of its own - guess that's what was suppose to be REALLY emphasized to you!!

August 2, 2007
6:05 pm
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smarterone
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good luck mich, you know we are here when you decide. Just for the info, you helped me a lot, you might not know it, you did. Love to you.

August 2, 2007
6:14 pm
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ggfred4
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(((Mich))),

I like what the big sis had to say up there and you know I am not long on words. The last time you took a break, you came back STRONG. Do what you need to do for YOU and know that you are cared for here.

Love you, gg

August 2, 2007
6:14 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Damnit Minnesota....

You got me pegged huh?

Love you girl...

Runnin fast...Mich

August 2, 2007
6:18 pm
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lovinglife
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you bet woman!! We didn't become sisters over nothing ya know : )

August 2, 2007
9:44 pm
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Isis
Massachusetts
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I will miss you.

I'll be here when you come back.

Thank you for being here for me.

Thank you for being you.

I love you,

Isis

August 2, 2007
9:59 pm
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jasminum sambac
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Hello, Mich

Love is portable and you don't have to do anything to carry it...it moves like a breeze

...your friends here who love you love you anywhere you are, and your love remains with them, no matter where you are.

Jas

August 3, 2007
7:37 am
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sleepless in uk
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((((Mich))))))

You have my love and best wishes with you, whether you are here or not

take good good care

August 3, 2007
10:19 am
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StronginHim77
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You will be missed. But NEVER forgotten.

- Ma Strong

August 3, 2007
8:59 pm
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needtoheal
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Mich--

As I have said before, do what YOU need to do for YOU...

Just know that I will miss you... and be thinking about you always.

Besides, the boys made that compass which tells us where their Aunt Michy is at all times...

You have shown me

things within myself

that I had never seen before.

When evil-doers

tempted me

you helped close the door.

You have been

for what I have needed most

for you

have been

my friend......

love ya, my angel

NEED

August 3, 2007
9:58 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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((mich))thanks for listening

August 3, 2007
10:04 pm
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Honolulugal
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A hui ho (til we meet again), Michy!

H-gal

August 3, 2007
10:22 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((H-gal, Tiger Trainer, Need, Isis, Ma, Sleepless, gg, Jasminum, kroika, smarterone, Minnesota)))

Thinking about all of this....but I am still reading. Love to you all...you have all blessed my life in GREAT ways...

August 4, 2007
10:26 am
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Isis
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Hey you chickie-pooh!

I'm so pleasantly pleased that you're lurking in the shadows and reading.

I'm still wondering what it is that has you so rassled? I think I may understand a couple of things.

Honey, please- don't SPLIT on account of the splitting.

Take a deep breath, (I am right now)
count to 100 and throw something glass at the chimmney.

I'm getting ready.

Love you,

Isis

August 4, 2007
11:10 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((Isis)))...I posted to you on the other side the other night. I love ya doll.

I can't seem to completely walk away...I am just not really talking. I am scared. I will get there...Promise...

I love you girl...

Mich

August 4, 2007
11:25 am
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Isis
Massachusetts
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OK, good enough. I'm happy, well, more relieved that you're still here.

I've had some PC issues the last week-I think I've got it straighted out now though. However, if I'm not around again, that is why. My H is up north right now so I have some time.

I will check over on the other side and post to you a little later as I have some errands that I must get done before noon time.

What do you think? Should I start a new thread with my latest stuff? Or should I just keep adding to the other one?

Be back later-

Love,

Isis

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