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It's happened again! It must be me - Willitgetbetter
January 3, 2005
5:41 am
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willitgetbetter
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Well, for those of you who know my tale, it's happened again. You may remember I previously mentioned (M), a previous ex who came back into my life just before Christmas. Things were strange because she would make arrangements to see me then do things like text me to say sorry change of plan, (for various reasons). She also kept telling me I wasn't good enough for her. Anyway, things progressed over Christmas and New year and we spent some great times together, and yes we slept together more than once.

Anyway, I left her at home on New Years day with plans to see her on the Sunday. She was going to come over to mine. She said she would call me to make final arrangments after she had spoken with her son's father as he was going to have his son for the day. I HEARD NO MORE FROM HER!!! She wouldn't answer her phone nor respond to text messages.

I today sent her a text saying, I have had enough. I can put up with a lot but not being ignored, i don't deserve that! I get a message back saying "Its probably for the best because I am not over Andy. I can't love you because I still love him". (Andy is an ex from six months ago who used to physically and emotionally abuse her. He was an alcoholic who beat up on her and her kids many times and she called the police too many times to remember to have him removed!!!). Why do some women seem to like abusive partners. I have never hit a woman in my life, I am nothing but kind, gnetle and respectful to women, and yet she still carries a torch for this guy! I am confused and yes bloody hurt. I feel cheap, used and dirty once again. (For those of you who have been reading my theads, you will remember I was sexually used by my other ex). Its all happening again and i am just so hurt! Probably not much any one can say and I don't even know if I am asking for help or advice. I suppose i just need to vent.

January 3, 2005
6:04 am
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SweetAmanda
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hi will

(((Hugs)))

What can you do, you know?

January 3, 2005
6:19 am
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willitgetbetter
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Hi Sweet,
I am just fed up with being hurt and I don't want to become a cynic. I like me the way I am, I suppose there are users and abusers out there and there always will be. Hey, shit happens and all that.

(((Hugs back at ya))))

January 3, 2005
7:00 am
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CAMER
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Hi Will....just know that your ex has her own issues with going back to the abusers, sometimes people going back are still in "denial" about what is really going on.

Will, you even said you like YOU the way you are, keep that attitude and don't ever change, you are a good man, a good person, a caring person. Seems like you may attract the "unavailable" women...and now that you recognize that she is still not over Andy, this is a good time to walk away for good....and know that you deserve so much better. Spend time with YOU loving you more and more, and getting healthier.

My hugs and prayers are sent your way.

(((camer)))

January 3, 2005
7:28 am
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mamacinnamon
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{{{{{{Willitgetbetter}}}}}}

January 3, 2005
8:41 am
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lostforever
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will... I have been married to an abusive man for 12 years, I have left several times. I can honestly say We do not like it. I'm just now after being gone for 6 months this time realizing i was being abused and still am by this man. I'm still trying to figure out why we go back to these people who hurt us. I still have my hopes for him to change in the back of my mind.( I JUST HOPE THEY STAY IN THE BACK THIS TIME).
Its a pattern that the abuser sucks us into, some people it takes longer. (12 years is a long time).

Alls i can say is maybe stay away for a long time because she will when she is ready leave him, but she will have alot of work to do about her.

Take care of you and if you like you for you be proud of that.

January 3, 2005
10:31 am
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Anonymous
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Ohhh Will what am I to do with you. First, you STOP IT. I told you that she sounded a little flaky and freaky to me. Second, I have noticed that you seem to fall for women who appear to be emotionally unavailable. I know that I do the same with men because then I have no real hopes of having a real and susbtantial relationship even though I proclaim up and down that I do. Third, maybe you should just take a break from dating you know. SPend time with the daughter, start your own business like you wanted to do, do things for YOU, I am starting to do that and I think it's going to be really really nice in the end. Of course I am now in school again so that will keep my busy as well, and I finished getting bindings for my new snowboard, so now I can go do that, but I think that these women who you choose to spend time with, is really just making you worse off. I think you once asked me if I loved myself, of course I would love to say yes and so forth but now I realize that I don't and I don't think you do either, so go with me down that road in discovery YOU and realizing how great you are.

January 3, 2005
2:58 pm
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Anonymous
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Hey Will you around?

January 3, 2005
3:04 pm
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workinonit
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Will, I fall for the emotionally unavailabe controller. I think this comes from my dad. Have you heard the song by John Maier? Father's be good to your daughters? Awesome lyrics and so-o true!

I wish I could stop my own cycle and feel so badly for yours as well.

Keep trying and be good to you.

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

January 3, 2005
3:05 pm
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Anonymous
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Workin, I fall for those types too, at least we can recognize it though and try to stop eachother from doing it again and again.

January 3, 2005
3:19 pm
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Cici
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It is so hard to describe the relationship between abused women and their abusers. I am still struggling to understand why I still feel connected to my ex, even though he is emotionally unstable. I can't explain it.

January 3, 2005
3:32 pm
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Anonymous
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I think my psychologist said it perfectly dysfunction attracts dysfunction. think about it, we attract in others what we are, people who are healthy would not connect with someone of that much dysfunction because even if they liked the person they would still walk away in the beginning.

I told that to Mr. Jack last night I said if we were normal people we would have been done last February not now. I think it says a lot when you connect with someone that deeply, sometimes though it's better to know you connect than to stay conected

January 3, 2005
3:34 pm
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workinonit
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But the question remains, how can we turn this around? I want healthy relationships not this frikkin b.s.

January 3, 2005
3:42 pm
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Anonymous
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I think we have to change ourselves first in order to attract what we want.

The reason I say this is because I look at my pattern of saying " I want a great nice healthy relationship with a loving caring man". I have two words for that statement, BULL SHIT. I don't really want that because if I did, I wouldnt stay with the losers, the jerks, the ones emotionally unavailable, and feel OKAY with that. I would stay with the guys that are nice and kind and want to take me to dinner and rub my back and whatever.

So in order to change what gives me the butterflies (i.e. the jerks) I need to change ME first. I need to change what I find attractive, and what I think about myself first.

It is so easy for me to use the lame excuse I attract assholes, maybe because like the saying goes we are what we attract. I dont mean I am a total asshole, but I think that if I felt better about myself, my self esteem my ability to attach and be okay with people and not play games, I wouldn't be attracted to those type of people anymore.

January 3, 2005
3:49 pm
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workinonit
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What gives me butterflies..........

I never thought I could change this. I didn't think about the idea that changing how I feel about myself can change this pattern because frankly, what gives me butterflies is starting to scare me.

January 3, 2005
3:51 pm
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Anonymous
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yeah tell me about it, you know what gives me butterflies? All the emotionally unavailable men. And I look back into history and the pattern is crystal clear, men that ignored me, that were pretty attractive, but I never completely had them in love so to speak with me, that is what gave me butterflies.

January 3, 2005
4:14 pm
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workinonit
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This sucks. I want a guy who gives me the same respect I give him. That's it! My final answer!

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