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It's good to be home!!!!! (TC66)
July 19, 2005
1:38 pm
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2bstrong
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Frayed, yet another interesting similarity. I need to get rid of that box of *hit. Especially after this conversation.

July 19, 2005
1:44 pm
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frayedknot
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TC

In my case, the shrine was to be used as a ploy for her to keep contact when needed. I never considered her having it as a "worship" shrine because she could have me back if she wanted.. No reason for her to worship me.

In your case, I would take good care of it and return it if he asks.. Does he know you have it? If so, he may use it as a contact ploy with you if you break contact.. I'm guessing he would... If he does, make it available to him without your presence. For example, tell him you will drop it off at his front door, etc. Keep the drop-off in your control so you don't see him.. If he needs it.... and, he knows you have it.. and it's important to him.... he will let you know.... I'm just saying don't worry about it so much.. You have probably given each other so many things over your relationship that it isn't a big deal. It's not for me. She gave me some nice gifts.. If she wants the suitcase, she can have it.. I have no hard feelings regarding those little posessions..

Frayed

July 19, 2005
1:48 pm
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kc30
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I don't agree with the "shrine" analogy. I think that some people may do that, but that's definitely not the case for me (which is why I don't buy it! LOL)

Do you think the suitcase is a shrine?

Put it away and forget about it, much the same as you would forget about him. If 6 months pass and you hear nothing, then you'll know it didn't mean that much to him. Then get rid of it, unless you really like it! Then keep it! Whatever works for you.

I have stacks of his cds....why would spend the time packing them up and give them back? We like the same music, I enjoy them! I'll happily keep them and enjoy them, unless he asks for them, in which case I'll box them and give them to him next time I see him. No biggie. Definitely not a shrine!

kc
kc

July 19, 2005
1:50 pm
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Frayed...

I went to his house a couple of days before we left for vacation and borrowed it from him. (less than two weeks ago).

While I was there, We wound up cuddling on the couch and kissing, etc... It was a very confusing visit, just as confusing as our relationship has been over the past several months.

That's why I just want to get rid of it. I called HIM and asked to borrow the suitcase, so if I now don't return it, it looks like I am holding on to IT to hold on to HIM... Make sense?

July 19, 2005
2:00 pm
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2bstrong
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Point well made. But if that is the situation--have someone else drop it off for you. Doesn't that seem absurd? TC, you're in a fragile state right now. I think you should avoid any connection with him. Just my humble opinion.

I truly believe one of you has to be strong enough to stop the confusion so that you can move toward healthy relationships.

July 19, 2005
2:02 pm
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kc30
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Frayed- we crossed posts! I agree with the "shrine" as you presented it...some people will definitely use possessions as a contact excuse- hence the ongoing saga of the suitcase- haha!!

TC- who cares what he thinks. This is where the stinking thinking takes over- trying to control what he thinks about you by either returning or not returning the suitcase! (Leave it to a group of codependants to analyze the significance of a suitcase!! LOL)

That's the point...bury that bloody suitcase and drive it/him from your mind. Let HIM worry about it...not you! One of two things will happen...he'll call to get it, and then you can arrange to return it much as you are already planning to do. Or he'll decide it isn't that important, and he won't! Which means you get a new suitcase, which you obviously need so you can take more fantastic vacations that aren't foggy and rainy the whole time!!

But you have not put yourself in harms way and used yet another excuse to contact him.

It doesn't matter what he thinks. We aren't going to think about him and what he thinks anymore! Only what tc thinks! That is all that matter. You can't control his thoughts by your actions either way. So no use in trying anymore.

It's all about you from this moment forward...TC all the way!!!!

(((hugs)))
kc

July 19, 2005
2:02 pm
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frayedknot
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TC

Ok.. I get it now.. I'm sorry.... I should have read a little more. If that's the case (hee hee.. KC's joke), I might consider putting it on his front porch or somewhere with a note that says "thank you". Nothing more if you even write a note. I WOULDN'T RETURN IT WHILE HE WAS THERE... That cuddlding stuff has to mess you up, TC.. It would kill me. Mine did some of that the last week even though I knew she was about to break-up with me. I couldn't understand that shit.... pisses me off still. sorry... Then, TC... you must not set yourself up for this "deja vu" pain.. Really put all of your effort into a no contact, break-away mode. Just my humble opinion...

Frayed

July 19, 2005
2:05 pm
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frayedknot
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2B

We're using the same phrasology (sp?), etc. This is getting scarey....

July 20, 2005
10:12 am
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2bstrong
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TC--how are you this morning? Thought of you all last night...2b

July 20, 2005
10:16 am
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Thank you so much for thinking of me 2B! It means a lot to me. I'm not doing very well. I just posted on the Abs No Contact thread... that will give you an update...

I haven't done anything about the suitcase... and I won't. You guys DID finally get through my thick skull about it. Sometimes it takes a while to cut through all of the fog!!

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