Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
It's good to be home!!!!! (TC66)
July 17, 2005
11:32 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Hi everyone!

I'm back!!! We just flew back from Canada today (and boy are my arms tired!). I know...lame joke. I apologize but I am completely loopy today. Only slept about 3 hours last night and travelled (with two children) from 3:30 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. Not fun!!! It feels like it should be about 5:00 p.m. right now and it's only 11:00 a.m. I'm ready for bed!

We went to Nova Scotia and stayed with one of my friends and her family. It was nice to be away, but the weather was not very good. We had 2 good days in which we were able to enjoy the outdoors, but besides that... the entire trip was spent trying to keep the kids entertained. The favorite saying of the week was "That'll kill an hour!". It felt like time was ticking away sooooo slow and the days seemed soooo long! Miniature golf, 45 minutes... Wax Museum, 30 minutes... got old fashioned photo taken, 1 hour... swimming in indoor pool, 1 1/2 hours... Strolling through gift shops, 1 hour (could have taken longer, but I was tired of hearing "Mom, Can I get this? Can I get that? How about this? Mom, can I get this? etc.")... Tour of winery, 1 hour (Wasn't really geared towards the children, but I DID get to sample some fabulous local wines which helped to dull my senses and take the "edge" off!)...

Actually, I got out a couple of times without the kids (my friends' mom babysat)... we went into Halifax one night, which was lots of fun and one night we went golfing (one of the very few times it stopped raining for a minute!).

I am been feeling pretty down lately. One reason is probably because I am having severe PMS... plus I am completely exhausted. I didn't sleep well all week. My mind was racing (thoughts of the ex)... plus I slept with a 7 year old little girl's limbs wrapped all around me. My daughter refuses to stay on her side of the bed. She needs to be touching me at all times! I love her to death, but sometimes I just need some SPACE!!!! I didn't get much of that for the past 9 days. I am sad and grumpy! I thought vacations were supposed to rejuvenate and refresh?! Not this one!

I should have known it was not going to be a great trip by the way it started... Our flight was delayed 2 1/2 hours taking off from Boston. No big deal. We had a good time walking around the airport, watching the planes and having dinner. No problem!!! Got on the flight... It takes an hour and 15 minutes to get to Halifax. My friend was waiting there to pick us up and we started to land right on schedule. The plane was descending down onto the landing strip... smooth sailing, right? Wrong! Suddenly, we started climbing towards the clouds again. Huh????
Too foggy and the radar was not working. We had to land at another airport in another province 3 hours away!!!!!! That's not bad enough! This airport is very small and is not staffed with Custom's agents around the clock... SO we needed to stay on the plane until the Custom's people could get there. 2 more hours of sitting on a tiny, cramped airplane with 2 grumpy, exhausted children in tow. When we were finally able to "deplane" at 2:00 in the morning, we had to be put in a cab BACK to Halifax!!!!!!! We were hours from where we wanted to be in the car alone with some stranger!!!! He was not very friendly and he drove like a maniac. He was weaving all over the road, going extremely fast (in dark, foggy conditions). It was quite a stressful ride! Anyway, we finally got to my friends cottage at about 5:00 a.m. and went to bed.

The next day was nice and we went to the beach... that night she had a BUNCH of friends over for a cookout. The weather was perfect and the house was filled with people. I was drinking wine, having appetizers, mingling with the guests... pouring more wine, eating more food, more talking, more wine, laughing, drinking, eating, DRINKING... Do you get where I'm going with this?? Well, the entire room started spinning and spinning around and I was not feeling very well...I ended up going to bed at around 8:00 p.m. (O.K. I'll be honest, I ended up passing out at around 8:00)... but not before I called and left a message for the ex-boyfriend to let him know we made it there ok. (Like he cared!!!!).... I slept (passed out) for 7 hours, woke up and threw up every last piece of food that I had eaten in the last week. Yuck!!!!!!!!!! So, that was day 1....

I don't even want to go on!!!!! The night we went to Halifax... I had a couple of glasses of wine and AGAIN...lost all my inhibitions and sent text message to ex... Usually that would spark up some conversations (flirting). Before I left, I told him I wouldn't talk to him for ten days. He (in his cocky manner) said "Oh, you'll call me... I'll bet you $100.00"... So, in the message I said "I did not CALL you, so I don't owe you $100.00, just wanted to say hi. Bonjour!". He texted me back saying "You still owe me". I never responded to that (that was Wednesday night)... I never heard from him again.

Over the weekend... All I could think of was that he was out wining and dining some new woman... then going back to his place and listening to MY Abba CD, retreating to the bedroom and using MY massage oil on each other!!!!!! Ugh! I felt like vomiting (again). I just kept replaying conversations that we've had in the past in my head, over and over... and suddenly everything became so clear to me.

The way I see it now is that he has been keeping me on a string while he persues someone else... and then as soon as he "hooks" her, he can set me free. I am pretty sure that is his M.O., based on the way our relationship started a year ago. It's so hard to admit that and I've been in denial over it for a long time... but I need to face it. He is a player and this has been nothing but a game to him!!!!!!!!

I have to stop it!!!! It is so hurtful to me! I keep setting myself up for heartbreak over and over and over! I am tired and I KNOW I deserve so much better, but when he looks at me sometimes (like he adores me)... I melt. I keep thinking that I am special and I am the ONE that will make him want to settle down... but I don't think that is going to happen. What I NEED to do now is NOTHING... Don't call, Don't text, Don't drop by... NOTHING!!!!!!

Whenever I start feeling better... I get myself all dolled up... looking really good and then go see him to make him "eat his heart out"... well, he does for a short time... and then I end up right back here... Sad and alone. Help me stop!!!!

You guys know me by now... I say that I can't do it anymore, and then he throws me a bone and I wind up salivating and panting, right back at his doggie door!!!!!
Oh no... That sounded obscene!! I didn't mean it that way!!!!

Wow... this is pretty long... I'll say goodbye for now, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm back and I missed you guys a lot!

I've got to go and read up on what's been going on with everyone! It's been a while! I hope you are all well.

TC

July 17, 2005
11:37 am
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TC, Welcom back!

Can I make a suggestion? Why not doll yourself up for YOU, go out with some girlfriends and let ALL he fellas eat their herat out? Anfd get a sort of smug satisfaction knowing that he's MISSING out on one serous confident hottie?

((((((hugs)))))), so good to see you. Sorry your trip was sort of a downer...such is life sometimes, huh?

July 17, 2005
11:44 am
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TC

A HEARFELT WELCOME BACK... MISSED YOU!!!!!!

Sorry about the logistical problems you encountered.

You certainly kept very busy... However, sounds like you didn't get enough "TC" time... Maybe you should consider joining us in Orlando on a "child free" weekend?

Your ex sounds pretty cocky?? He thinks he has you tied around his finger.. You're too special to allow him that power over you, TC.

We have all been struggling with "no contact" lately.. I'm sure you will get caught-up when you read the other threads..

Anyway.. we really did miss you....

Frayed

July 17, 2005
12:31 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi TC,

Welcome back! I hope you enjoyed your sojourn in Canada despite the inconveniences. You've visited so many interesting places, and I'm sure you feel refreshed and invigorated by now. Every trip contains inconveniences, but le's look at the bright side. It was fun!

I missed you and your posts. Yes, as Frayed mentioned, keeping "NO CONTACT" has been a huge challenge for many of us. Thanks to the wonderful support and love of the folks here.

~Love, Ras~

July 17, 2005
4:23 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

EF,

I know what you mean about not getting "all dolled up" for him, but for myself... but, you know what's funny about me? When I go out and get a lot of attention from guys, it doesn't mean anything to me unless HE sees it or I tell him about it to make him feel jealous. I know that is so wrong (and so typically codependent), but it's how I feel. I want him to SEE what he's missing and MISS what he used to have.

When I am feeling good about myself, I can really turn it ON. I ACT so confident,independent and cool... but that's all it is, an act.

It's not the truth if I am only playing a role, right? I feel like anyone that ended up with me would wind up being disappointed because I am NOT always that dynamo that they were led to believe I was in the beginning. I am vulnerable and insecure and want to be taken care of sometimes...

I am so afraid of being ME... I'm scared of opening up, only to be abandoned....

Sorry I'm so dramatic today, I have serious jetlag!!!!

TC

July 17, 2005
4:45 pm
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HEY GURRL!!!!

Sorry your trip wasn't ideal, but I'm sure you've got some memories to last you a while. LOL

My soul-sista in the ex dept. That's what mine did... strung me along while he went looking for someone more accessible and less demanding... i.e. someone new, so he could have the feeling of a relationship w/out the deep sense obligation. Once he found his next victim, he denied having strung me along. And though he claimed to be hurt over the resulting rift between us, he did nothing to correct it. That's just a glimpse of what might be ahead. In a way, he's tried stringing me along in the whole year since. In our last conversation (2 wks ago), I told him that I was frustrated with his mixed signals ... that he had acted receptive when I approached him about renewing a friendship thru e-mail, but he hadn't put any real effort into it. His answer to that? He didn't know how things would work out. He didn't want to just say "No, forget it." So, again, he was perfectly willing to be friends as long as I was the one doing all the work/ making all the sacrifices. As long as I made is easy and demanded nothing in return. As thought THAT's a friendship, huh! What a moron. Haven't talked to him since.

Sorry I went on a tangent there. Our stories are just so similar. You say things sometimes that creep me out, they're so eerily similar.

July 17, 2005
6:41 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Hi Turnabout!!!

I've missed you, my friend!

It is so wrong the way they play this game with us! They flirt, they charm and they subtly lead us on... but they are not actually SAYING the words so they can always deny, deny, deny!!!!! "What? I never said I wanted to get back together". "What? I only called you because I was returning your call". "What? I only kissed you because YOU wanted me to"... etc...

They are CLEAN and we are the ones "chasing" them (in their twisted version of reality)...but it is soooo untrue and I really, truly wonder if they know what they are doing. Do they know how manipulative and mean they are being? Or are they just clueless???

I don't know and I am sooo tired of trying to figure it out. It has been taking up too much of my brain space lately. Although, it didn't help that we were stranded in the rain in cow country for nine days!

No, actually vacation was not THAT bad, but it did give me a lot of time to think and that was both good and bad!

So, you are going to Orlando next month??? What are the details? When are you going? Where are you staying? Any chance we can bunk together to save some $$$$?

Let me know... I really want to go, but I need to try and do it as inexpensively as possible.

TC

July 17, 2005
7:43 pm
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You're right on, TC. And right now he's saying the same thing to friends.."I never told her I wanted to get back together."... "Our relationship was always ambiguous."... "She's still sending e-mails. She won't let go"... Just enough of the story so that he looks in control and I look crazy. Hah! oh well. I know who the crazy one really is here. That's all that matters.

I haven't made my Orlando arrangements yet. Need to figure out my finances first, which I'll get down to tonight. If sharing a room would get you down there, I'd be willing!

July 17, 2005
8:11 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi TC,

Welcome back!

Too bad the trip had so many drawbacks. It's good to have you back...missed your wise words.

Young & Restless

July 18, 2005
8:17 am
Avatar
kc30
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Welcome back tc! Heard about the radar problems in Halifax on the news= they said it was having a negative impact on tourism...I can see why! sorry the weather was so lousy...you'll be happy to know that it has since improved! haha

Turnabout- I can relate to what you are saying...when my husband came back 7 months ago, I think he did want to make it work, but he found a different kc than the one he left...one with a voice, an opinion, and some expectations. It was too hard....back to the girlfriend he went, where he didn't have the committment, obligation, and could easily walk if she wouldn't line up...which he probably has done a few times since.

I wasnt' willing to settle for less than I thought I deserved, and I wasn't going to let him off the hook. So he bailed. In the words of Toni Braxton "He wasn't man enough for me". Live and learn.

He actually told me directly that he would be happier on his own, in his own apartment, and he could date her for maybe a year or so without any committment (swears it isn't a committed relationship)

When I pointed out the fact that she wanted a committment, and was in love with him and wanted a future, he said what she chose to believe was up to her. It wasn't a committed relationship and if he wanted a committed relationship, he would be with me (his wife)

When I asked why she would stick around for that, he shrugged and said "Oh she probably thinks she'll be the one to change me"

He knew exactly what he was doing...deliberately and selfishly using her with no intentions of ever giving her what she wants. When she asks for too much, he ends it. Then she relents and he comes back.

Sounds like a great relationship, doesn't it? And strangely familiar...I bet most of us can relate?

kc

July 18, 2005
2:38 pm
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I love that Toni Braxton song. I sing it at the top of my lungs.

Funny story. A girlfriend of mine is friends with one of his lifelong best friends. (Did you follow that? LOL) So, I hear that one night when they were all gathered at his house, J___ and his best friend (a married woman) leave for the store or something, so his gf is stuck there alone with his friend's husband. She starts hinting around to the guy about how she wants to marry J___ . He, of course, keeps his mouth shut. Who knows if anyone ever said anything to J___ about it. My friend and I were speculating on whether she hope to get info out of the husband on J____'s intentions, or hopeing to plant some seeds. Either way, it clearly reveals an immature and non-communicative relationship. I laughed. He's on the same old warpath. Fact is, I never pressured him about marriage in the least, but knowing my values, he knew he wouldn't get laid by me unless he married me. He's too much of a commitment-phobe for that sort of thing, hence he went on the prowl for a gf despite our emotional entanglement. Sometime I feel a twinge of sympathy for the girl, but other times, I just think, "what a dope!" LOL Oh well. C'est la vie!

July 18, 2005
3:06 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

KC,
The story about your husband and his skank made my stomach turn!!!! It is so disheartening knowing that men (and some women too, I suppose) can be sold cold and calculating!!! It makes me so sad. I keep trying to give my ex. the benefit of the doubt (he's confused, he's scared, he's insecure)... when the truth just may be that he's an a$$hole!!!!

Thanks for the update on the weather in Canada. When I got back home, it started raining here. My Mom told me that the weather was PERFECT last week while we were away!!! The freakin' dark clouds are just following me everywhere!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure anyone is really going too want me to join them in Orlando with the way the bad weather has been following me around!!

July 19, 2005
11:21 am
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tc--how are you doing today? Are you holding off on the no contact? It's hard isn't it? Re-reading all of your posts--you deserve to be with someone who is up front with you. Who seeks emotional maturity--that is what I get from your postings. This guy is probably not going to be there for a while, if ever. And if he is--he must choose to become mature himself. No one can do it for him or make him want to change.

That being said--and I hope I don't hurt your feelings by saying those things--please try to come to Orlando. It would be wonderful to meet you. I think in my heart it's going to be great weekend with friends.--2b

July 19, 2005
12:33 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

2B,

You haven't hurt my feelings and you haven't said anything that I don't already know. I know that he emotionally stopped maturing at around age 15... there's nothing I can do about that if he refuses to acknowledge it.

I have been holding off on the contact, and plan to continue. I just need to return his suitcase to him. I think I'll have a friend drop it off for me... which will probably start the phone calls again... he'll wonder why I didn't bring it over myself. Whenever I get strong... he chases me.

That is when I'll need to stand firm and not waver in my NC... It's the hardest thing to do, to not answer the ringing phone!!!

I read your thread on the Lib Brew. I feel so badly that you are struggling with this decision to contact him for closure. All I can say about that, is that I've been there. I had my "closure" conversation which accomplished absolutely nothing. Sure, I said everything I wanted to say but I didn't get any answers (at least none that I wanted to hear)...

I completely understand the need for a face to face meeting, but think about what you want to get out of the visit with him and be brutally honest with yourself. Do you want him to SEE you, to remind him how much he loves you (I did. Letters and telephone calls were not good enough. I needed him to see me in the flesh)... It worked. It did make him realize that he loved me. He was all over me, BUT it didn't change a damn thing!!! We were still broken up and he STILL did not want to marry me... so I wound up hurting again...

I'm not saying that I believe that is what you are looking to have happen... I just want you to think about it.

I know you will do the right thing. You have been so level headed about the whole thing. You have shown an incredible amount of restraint and have maintained an admirable level of grace and dignity. I respect that so much in you!!!!! You are one of a kind 2b!

TC

July 19, 2005
12:44 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi TC--Thanks for your uplifting words. I can ALWAYS count on you to make me smile.

Why don't you just keep the suitcase? Frayed's ex has his suitcase. He said he would carry his clothes in a paper bag before he would ask for it back. If your dude wants his suitcase back, let him come and get it--and believe me--he will.

I REALLY, REALLY, hope that you can come to Orlando. I want to meet you and give you that big hug in person.

July 19, 2005
12:58 pm
Avatar
kc30
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just butting in to say I agree with 2b. Keep the suitcase...it's his, let him do the work to get it if he wants it.

That's the kind of thinking that has gotten me out of my very messy breakup...not looking out for him at all...he still has all kinds of shit around my place...I was going to box it all and send it to him, then I thought SCREW THAT! There's some nice stuff there! If he wants it he can ask, and if he doesn't...yahooo for me 🙂

So far, I've gotten pretty much everything because of this thinking. All he really wanted were his books, which he requested and arranged to pick up himself. The rest, so far, is mine!

kc

July 19, 2005
1:05 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

I never considered NOT giving the suitcase back...

He travels quite a bit and I know he'll be needing it soon. If I don't give it back... won't it seem manipulative? Like him not giving me back my Abba CD? (not sure if you remember that story)...

I thought it best to have it delivered and be done with it. No loose ends and no threat of future contact.

?????

July 19, 2005
1:16 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Nope. Listen to kc, TC. May I be so bold as to say you're thinking for him? If he wants it, let him come and get it. I will buy you a new ABBA cd and bring it to Orlando.

Better yet. Donate his suitcase to a charity organization. THAT'S what I would do.

July 19, 2005
1:16 pm
Avatar
kc30
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Who cares if he needs it. If he wants it, he can ask for it. You don't have to look out for what he may or may not need! If he asks for it, you can give it back.

I think it's about not making excuses to contact him...even if it is to arrange for someone else to get it to him. It's just a total shift in mindset from looking out for what he wants/needs, to looking out for yourself.

Does the suitcase give you grief? Does it play loud music? Talk nonstop? Mess up the house? Is it easier to put it in a closet out of the way, or call around and find someone to take it him, and arrange for them to pick it up, and arrange with him for a time to drop it off...

If he asked for it and you wouldn't give it back...that's playing games.

I know it seems like I'm making a big deal about the suitcase...it's not really about the suitcase...it's about looking after what is yours and not what is his. If I travelled a lot, and you had my suitcase, and I needed it, I would make arrangements to get it. If it didn't matter, I wouldn't. Either way, it's my problem, not yours.

July 19, 2005
1:25 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

OK... I'll just say one more thing about the dang suitcase.

I just borrowed it from him last week! I called (excuse for contact) and went over and got it. I'm sure there is a story about it on one of my pathetic threads. So, it's not like it's been kicking around my house for a year. Does that make a difference?

Sorry I'm being so thick... I know it shouldn't matter in the least...

July 19, 2005
1:25 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TC

Not to barge in on this string.... but as 2B pointed out earlier.. I could use a new suitcase..... LOL. And, I will pitch-in for the ABBA cd.

Seriously, let time pass with the posessions. They are so trivial in context of the big picture. When I think about my suitcase (maybe $70... only used 3 times...... twice with her), I think about blowing that much having dinner and drinks in one night. We all do.. I will stay home one night and watch planet of the apes reruns and consider that savings an offset for my suitcase..

Please don't take my remarks as harsh, etc. As I have said before, you are ultra kind and caring. And your concern for his welfare doesn't surprise me in the least. Just let time pass... Give it back, if necessary, when you are in a much stronger position...

Frayed

July 19, 2005
1:28 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TC--I have so been there. Very recently--as a matter of fact, June 6 to be exact. I have a box of stuff that belongs to him...my friend John said it's my little shrine. Some of it is very valuable. He knows I have it, he can call me if he wants it.

kc is right on. It isn't about the suitcase. It's about contact. Staying connected.

I thought charolina's_dad said something very observant today--he said, even talking about what jerks they are keeps you connected. He's right, but it is also a phase. It's a painful one to get through, but once you break through there is no going back. It is all about you.

July 19, 2005
1:32 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2b/TC

My sister and brother in law call my stuff at my ex's a shrine. They said she probably has it all stacked up to use as an excuse to call so she can string me on.. A sweatshirt here... then she will run accross a cd, etc. She did that once 6 weeks ago... never since. But, it's funny.. They called it the shrine...

July 19, 2005
1:33 pm
Avatar
kc30
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You aren't being thick...you are just used to looking out for his needs with no thought for yourself. I think most of are used to that here? (don't mean to generalize, but I know that I am)

The thing I've noticed since I stopped "returning the suitcase" is that there is always SOMETHING that I could be sending his way, or asking him if he wants it. I'm glad I don't do this. It just keeeps the cycle fully activated.

Returning property unasked is always an excuse for contact- that's my belief. Ditch the excuses...you deserve so much better than him. He is who he is and he doesn't treat you the way you deserve.

July 19, 2005
1:34 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Soooo... Doesn't that mean that he may consider me keeping his suitcase as a shrine to him????

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714214
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer