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It's getting easier
February 8, 2004
11:29 pm
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jwt
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I had a really good weekend. Nothing spectacular happened ... except ... I didn't worry about Elvira. She has worn on me to the point where I just don't care any more.

She tried to call me several times on Saturday and I just let the phone ring. I used to wait and worry about her next telephone call. Now, I don't even want to talk to her.

I don't understand why I ever wanted to talk to her anyway. It was always her, her, her ... like I really cared. I guess I was always hoping that something would change with her but it never did ... and it never will. If anything, talking to her usually made me feel worse rather than better. I can't believe that I willing put myself through that for all those years.

The tough part comes tomorrow when I have to be around her all day at work. I can't allow myself to be drawn into her game. I can't allow myself to worry if she is angry with me. I can't allow her to hurt me any more. She may try to do all of those things. I think I finally realize that it's time to put all of that out of my mind and just get on with my life.

Does any of this make any sense?

February 9, 2004
10:06 am
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mj
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Your doing it JWT...it's a step at a time. Hope that you keep telling yourself to take care of yourself and it will happen for you.

February 9, 2004
11:14 am
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eve
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Yeah, makes perfect sense.

I think it is important to recognize what the string are, that she is pulling at. Those strings are propably important, but you deserve to have them tugged in a gentle, loving, careful and caring way (even it you have to do that tugging yourself for a while), these strings shouldn't be used to drag you around like a puppet on a string, bouncing wildly on the stairs because the kid pulling them doesn't really care too much about her puppet.

February 9, 2004
7:42 pm
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jwt
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She just left. I went outside, it was sunset and I had a chance to think. This is getting easier.

Elvira still plays her games. She tries the little touches and still told me she loves me. But, it is no where as intense as it used to be. It just doesn't matter to me any more.

I won't don't miss the little I love yous and intimate touches near as much as I thought I would. And, I don't miss the drama at all. In fact, it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

While I was watching the sun set, I was thinking that I can now finally start to work on what to do with the rest of my life.

February 9, 2004
7:45 pm
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jwt
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Btw, eve, Elvira doesn't even realize she is playing her games. It is just second nature to her.

For example, this morning she was telling me about a big argument she and her fiancee were having about who would be invited to the wedding reception. I think she actually thought I would care. Go figure?????

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