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its done...
November 5, 2006
9:56 am
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2alone
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The relationship is over and all I want to do is call him - tell him I was wrong and whatever he wants is what I'll agree to do. I was 4 hours into a 7 hour trip to see my boyfriend. Well he was my fiance if you were to ask him. We had dated for 8 months. He was perfect in the beginning. Loving, caring, sweet... as time passed he was always right and me - well not so right. The truth is - he didn't really love me - it was the idea of me. A pretty woman, intelligent, caring mother - on paper I was everything he's wanted and more. In reality - I had opinions that were different. I didn't always follow his suggestions. I KNOW the relationship was flawed. But I sit here with tears streaming down my face because it hurts so much. At the end of the conversation he tells me to never fing call him again - but of course he emails me and text messages me the whole way home. I feel like crap...no lower than that. I have to keep it together most of the time. I've got little kids that wouldn't understand. They loved him to death. They too dreamed about our "perfect" life together. My friends tell me to stay strong. They tell me that you already had one control freak for a husband and you can't do it again. My heart just wants to scream - but he's different. He can change. I can stand up for myself this time... HE SAID HE LOVED ME!!! Now its gone and it hurts so bad.

November 5, 2006
9:59 am
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needtoheal
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2alone----

I am here my friend

I know this is hard

and it is ok to

FEEL these feelings

so you can grieve..

it's ok

to cry

yes, the kids do not

understand

but remember that they will

be ok too...

November 5, 2006
10:09 am
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2alone
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thank you. thank you.

November 5, 2006
10:16 am
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needtoheal
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2alone---

your welcome...

As you may know, I am going through

the process right now..

DId you ever hear of the book
HOW TO BREAK YOUR ADDICTION TO A PERSON by Howard Halpern, Ph.D

??

November 5, 2006
10:22 am
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needtoheal
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Ironically I lost my cell phone

last night...

I was thinking about reporting it

lost/stolen and if after that I do

indeed find it I want to throw it

into the river.....

A release... a letting go....

A good-bye

November 5, 2006
10:30 am
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marriedagain
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2alone:

It is so hard to go through the pain. Sometimes the pain is unbearable. I almost cried when I read your post because I have gone through that very same thing AND with my kids involved. I really don't understand why he tells you not to call but yet he texts and emails. He is being very controlling by continuing to text and email but not allowing you to call on the phone. You could do yourself a favor and vow to yourself not to have any communication with him whatsoever for one month and then see how you feel.

I have found that being alone is very hard and I have shed alot of tears. Sometimes there is a point when I feel so insecure, so helpless, so wounded....then I just fall on my face and cry God and tell him how weak I am and that I can't go on anymore. But then when I am done I feel this sense of strength and I feel the healing taking place.

Honestly 2alone, the guy should have more respect, if not for you, for your innocent children who have to watch their mommy go through so much pain. Kids have this ESP thing going on and they can see right through the plastic smiles yet they never say anything.

I think you are strong simply because you are in this forum looking for support. Ask yourself, "What do I really want, the real me?"

November 5, 2006
2:11 pm
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2alone
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After I wrote I couldn't stop crying and I went back to bed. My 4 year old returned from church with grandma (I couldn't face everyone today) She's a good distraction - and yet she will say something about wanting to see him or remember when we did X? He's a controller. I knew it in my heart yet I believed his words more than his actions. Its best for me to be alone. I'll just keep telling myself this or I'll never get out of bed again. Thanks for your sympathy and letting me know I'm not alone.

November 5, 2006
9:08 pm
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indya
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Oh sweetie, I really feel your pain and am soooo sorry you're going through. I just ended my relationship with my fiancee of 2 1/2 years who had a great relationship with my son. It's much harder to break up when children are involved - they feel the loss too. My son asked me if he could still hang out with my ex after the breakup and I had to tell him no. I explained to him that it wouldn't be in his best interest right now (trying not to go into detail). But go ahead and cry sweetie - you're releasing those emotions. And when you wipe away those tears, you're getting stronger because you can't cry out the same tears :). SO RELEASE SIS and keep sharing. Your online friends will help you through this. I know that I've been helped.

November 6, 2006
10:42 am
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2alone
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My office phone just rang - I didn't know whether I should answer it or let it go to voice mail because I was sure it was him. I answered - it wasn't him. Why did I want him to call? Why do I want him to be as misserable as me?
I told some of my co-workers today about what happened. I received a couple - I'm sorry - a couple of - its about time - and a couple of you don't need to put up with his crap. All good responses but it doesn't make the hurt go away. I just want the pain to end...

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