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it's been 4 months, you need to get over it!
February 21, 2006
12:25 am
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alycia
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In the last week, three people have said this to me.

I am doing so much better but of course after you lose someone after 4 yrs it hurts especially when they left you.

I want it to be that easy because he is fine and it wouldn't suprise me if he has someone else. I force myself to see people, to go out, I have my baby whom i love. How else can it be that easy??????

I am even going to drag myself to a single mums support group next month. I use the term drag cause its gonna be hard to go as you can imagine, part of acceptance i guess...

Anyone have any ideas on how i should be over it by now? Time is making me suffer less but i am not over it.

February 21, 2006
1:32 am
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It constantly amazes me how our society thinks people should be "over" deeply emotional life events in some specified amount of time, usually very short.

I don't think 4 months is very long after being with someone 4 years and having a child. And what do they mean by "over it" anyway? That you should run out and find someone else??

Grieving, mourning and healing take time, and everybody takes a different amount of time. Their comments are more about their discomfort with your pain than their knowledge of where you "should" be in your healing process.

I myself am 5 and a half months post-breakup from a much less serious relationship than you describe, that didn't last as long and didn't produce any offspring. I don't consider myself fully "over it" and am not ready to run and meet anyone, although I am moving in that direction.

Moving at my own speed. Your best friends who really love you won't be rushing you at this stage. The others... don't let them get to you.

best to you, kroika

February 21, 2006
1:42 am
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das033
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alycia,

picture this:

you have a splinter in your foot and it is uncomfortable, you take it out and it hurts. and it will continue to hurt but eventually the pain goes away.

i know that is not saying much espicially cause there is an offspring involved which makes it that much harder. just to help, a little bit, and to try and stay out of depression you have to live for the baby and get up everyday and get ready everyday if it means make-up, dress up a little and keep yourself busy with yourself or the baby attend the singles meeting and move foward, yes it will take some time to move foward but you can do it. and you will be glad that you did. and keep your head up high and the next one may be a keeper.

I hope this helped you.
(((HUGS))))

February 21, 2006
4:40 am
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revelation
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alycia,

These people who said this to you...oooohhh, those people make me mad!!! OK, they may mean well, but they are the type of people who said to me after I had my second miscarriage "Well, its lucky it happened now rather than later on in your pregnancy" and because my relationship had broken up "Aren't you lucky you didn't have a baby with that loser" Yeh...insensitive and tactless, there are lots of them out there. Don't lose the rag with them, don't let them bother you....you "get over" this in your own time, let nature take its course, be good to yourself. If people around you don't want to listen, then come here and vent. I had the same experience with my family when I broke up with my ex, its horrible, they make you feel like you are some sort of freak. four months is not a long time at all...but in saying that, there is no time limit. Tell those people to go educate themselves.

February 21, 2006
4:48 am
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alycia
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Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I think the make up is a good idea. In four months i have applied it once i think and i did feel good looking better.

He came tonight to see his baby and i asked if there is someone else, he finally said yes and he is seeing her for sex.

Somehow i survived it tearless. Nice guy huh. Guess that explains why he wont babysit, a bit too busy.

I wish i could tell him to leave our lives once and for all but legally i cant.

I had a strong feeling he was seeing someone, the same way i have a strong feeling that this will come back and bite him in the ass somehow, he will get hurt, regret his choices if not now, but years on, its gonna come back and i can feel it.

I just dont get how he could have been with me for 4 yrs and be screwing someone else so soon (sorry for the term) after 3 months although i would say he was making the time shorter that he had met her...

I care for our child and he cant make time on weekends to see her as his needs need fulfilling.

I get my family and friends to babysit if i need a break cause dad as i said is far too busy.

Glad i could come back and vent, thank you all for your advice and in some strange way i imagine his news will help make me heal just that bit quicker.

February 21, 2006
4:55 am
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alycia
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Thanks revelation. Sorry about your miscarriages and thanks for the advice, i know 4 months isnt long. Its funny that one of the people telling me took a year to get over her hubby.

Sometimes people are just better when they offer a hug or shoulder cause they can say the wrong stuff, the comment that was made to you when u miscarried twice should have been avoided, a simple, i am sorry or a simple hug is more of value to you.

I do appreciate everyones feedback, i just wish as i said i could have it so i never see him again, noone has been this cruel to me yet i have to allow him in my house, it sucks.

February 21, 2006
6:41 am
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shelbeegirl
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I am truly sorry that you are going through a rough time. I am two and a half months post break-up and some of my friends say I should move on with it too. I am sad a lot lately and miss him. But, on the other side of the arena, two days ago I drove by his house just see what was happening. He had another girl with him late at night. You know what that means. At least now I can have more closure. In other words, He is probably meeting someone for sex also. I know that pain in your heart. It seems to reel like a movie over and over again, doesnt it?

February 22, 2006
12:51 am
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alycia
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Hey shelbee,

The driveby comment made me laugh, i imagine i would do it too if he didn't know my car and he lived closer.

I dont get how people feel nothing and just move onto the next one .. I am sorry you are going thru a rough time also.

If it wasn't for our daughter i wouldnt even spit on him again let alone open my door to him. I actually want to move miles away for a few yrs, i know i shouldnt have to change my life but instead of leaving family and friends behind i think of it as a new beginning for me and my daughter.

I want the courage to be able to do it though, just saddens me, my baby wouldnt see my mum as often ... they both adore each other.

We will be ok soon shellbee and then it will be there turn. I truly believe you cannot treat people in a certain way without karma finding a way back, i hope this new sex woman really hurts my ex the way he hurt me....

2 and a half mths isnt long, u have a way to go but there are lots of people on this site to get ya there.... its gonna be okay

Stay strong shellbee and i hope u have lots of support around you in person too,

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