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It only just begun...
October 29, 2008
1:27 am
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CoRo
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Hello peeps. I had drama drama over the weekend. My ex-gf called on Friday, I was just getting out of the shower and the phone rang... my new gf answered and gave me the phone. The ex was upset, yelling, screaming, cussing at me, making threats to beat my gf half to death. Total MESS!

Of course we reported it to the police. So Saturday we were at my parents place and she calls there 'playing' all nice and saying shes accepted things and is moving on. Telling me she found a boyfriend and that they are in love. I knew it was a lie to try and get me to fall into her mind games again. So I just told her I was happy for her and I wish them the best. I don't think she liked it because she called me early in the morning on MOnday crying and telling me how much she loves me and that we need to be together. I finally had to hang up on her because she was repeating herself over and over and wasn't hearing what i was saying to her.

So then later that morning, her mom calls me and tells me how much I hurt her daughter. Pointing all the blame on me. I just listened to what she had to say and I wasn't going to respond at all but she wouldn't stop blaming me. So I told her how much hurt and pain I went through in that two and a half year relationship. Of course, she didn't want to hear what I had to say after I sat and listened to all she had to say.

Then my ex calls me today and acts all fine. Like things are so great, telling me I mean everything to her but I hurt her. Umm HELLO she hurt me and that is why I asked her to leave and told her plain and clear that I didn't want her back and I wasn't going to work on things because I was the only one doing my part and she was still treating me like crap.

I've been so happy and stress free these past 5 weeks and this comes at my like a raging bull... and now I'm back to getting stress headaches and my muscles are all sore. I hate this feeling!!!

Anybody got any good advice??

October 29, 2008
2:47 am
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surfgirl
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CoRo-
Not familiar with the relationship or your story, but she does not sound stable. Do you have a thread on here with your story??

Surfgirl

October 29, 2008
11:46 am
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Randomwomen2
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no contact at all with her sounds like the best way to make yourself better. Even if it means changing your phone number.

October 29, 2008
11:58 am
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lollipop3
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Hi CoRo,

I can relate. My story is a bit different in that I am the new girlfriend and it's my b/f's ex that is harrassing us (and there are children involved as well) but the situation is stressful just the same.

You can read my story on the "An update...Lolli" thread to get an idea about how we've been handling it if you're interested but in a nutshell we have been trying to deal with it by banding together, being assertive and consistant, trying our best not to get sucked in by her ridiculous behavior and above all else...keeping the lines of communication with each other wide open.

Good luck!

Lolli

October 29, 2008
1:02 pm
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Fruitloop
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ok, here goes. That was my first red flag with the last guy I dated. When we first started dating his ex was giving him heck. I choose to ignore it..big, big mistake. It was a sign of how he dealt with all his relationships. Needless to say, it took me six months to realize it and get myself into therapy to see what was wrong with me that I would even date someone like this (because it wasnt the first time). I dont know about ya'll but here's the first rule on my list..do not continue to date anyone who is involved with an ex unless they have children or have to be involved legally. And that included me..once in therapy I dropped every friendship I had with any exbf's. Best thing I ever did, they are screwed up, I'm screwed up and we didnt need to be talking. I wanted to stop thinking that the wacko way some of them lived their lives was normal. And the only way to do that was to quit listening to it.

I hope I have not offended anyone.

October 29, 2008
2:38 pm
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atalose
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It may have only “Just begun” but you have the power to stop it, if that’s what you really want.

I’m not saying you are doing this on purpose; unconsciously there may be a tweak of revenge, a shining moment for your ego to know that she is wanting you, calling you, needing you, after all the hurt she caused you, now the shoe is on the other foot.

It happens and we don’t even realize what we gain emotionally by these conversations, by listening to them plead their love and sorry to us, sometimes begging us to take them back. We are finally feeling validation for all our hurt feelings they caused.

You have the choice to pick up the phone or not.

You have the choice to tell her to stop contacting you or not.

You have the choice to change your phone numbers or not.

You have the choice to stop the drama, stop the emotional turmoil this is taking on you and another innocent person ----your NEW girlfriend.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 29, 2008
3:05 pm
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caraway
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CoRo,

I agree with RandomW2 and Atalose.... cut her off. There is nothing to gain by staying in touch. If you intended to be friends that will come a year or so later.

Step away and focus on your new life.

Cary

October 29, 2008
10:45 pm
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Jenni
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September 30, 2010
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The only reason one would choose to take calls such as these or allow 2nd or 3rd party involvements, or any type of contact would be because you, yourself, haven't totally let go yet.

This isn't meant to cut you down, but it's possible that you still carry some small amount of hope or possibility for your ex. If your new gf hasn't thought of that yet, she will. And either she will leave, or the real drama will soon begin.

Part of a sentence that caught my attention is where you said, "because I was the only one doing my part and she was still treating me like crap." I may be wrong, but to me, that looked a little present tense. I realize you said "was" a couple of times, (but that could simply mean you were referring to the conversation with her, as to what 'was' said.) It was the word "still" that stood out to me.

I know you said you 'told her' that you were finished. But by taking her calls, it tells her that you are not. You need to show her that you are finished, by not accepting any type of contact. Actions speak louder than words, not only to everyone around you, but most importantly, to yourself. This is where you'll need to dig deep and be true to yourself.

Anyway, again, I'm not intending to knock you down. I'm just letting you know of how it appears from an outside perspective, at least for me. I was once in the place of your new girlfriend, (only with children involved) so this is from where I speak, (or in my case, rattle on!)

So best of luck to you and be STRONG!! You deserve the strength you've worked for, so use it for the wise. It'll be the best choice you'll ever make. 🙂

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