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It Ain't Over Till It's Over
January 19, 2006
11:21 pm
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SassyAlex
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September 29, 2010
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I'm feeling so codependent right now. Sometimes I feel codependent is just a term for "addicted to a person and chaotic relationship".

I have sworn off contact and had contact so many times with this one that it seems that is what our whole relationship has been! I've been pushing him away and allowing him back since the beginning, and it's over a year later.

Just when I think I've completely had it, this is the final straw, I cannot go back after this...and two weeks of no contact, one time over a month of no contact, I go back. I'm right back where I started only feeling worse. And over and over. This is a sickness. And it meets all the criteria for addiction.

So I want to start no contact again, so sure this time I do not want him back, but who's to say??? I said it and MEANT it 100 times before. How is he supposed to believe me. How am I supposed to believe me??

Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in this cycle that will go around and around until I feel I cannot possibly take any more...and then keep going some more. Sometimes I feel the only way I get out of something like this is only after I've allowed myself to be pushed over the edge into insanity, and I actually break. That's the only way I've been able to get out with men before. I push and push to such extremes that finally there comes a break.

Then I am left to start the process once again of piecing my life together, trying to do good things for myself, trying to get healthy. And every time I think it will be different and that I'm healthy it turns into this. I am exhausted and have nothing to show for it.

Boy am I ever a codependent, an addict, really. When do we start calling it that? It's exactly what it is.

January 20, 2006
2:09 am
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henu
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wow alex u sound alot like me take a breather girl!!!!I have been pushed to the extent of allowing my children to take a back seat to a man who was abusive and controling.my 3 year old son was so affected by this that because i did nothing about my pain he felt he needed to. that was it.i took all that i could. i hope you take a look at your pain and what the difference is between that and happiness. you deserve the best and you need to strive for it but you have got to remember who is important. YOU!!!! i hope you find peace with this soon keep in touch

January 20, 2006
8:52 am
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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sometimes we feel like we are addicted to relationships, just like a drug addict is with drugs...keep going back for the wrong reasons.

Maybe you just haven't reached that point in your life where you just cannot take it anymore.

Try just a bit harder to not contact him, take it one day at a time, and if you do, its not the end of the world....but try your hardest to keep thinking of you and knowing that if you do contact him nothing will change it will be the same as before.

I wish you support and strength during this difficult time.

love, camer

January 20, 2006
10:24 am
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kathygy
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sassy,

Its very important that you make committments to yourself and keep them. This builds trust in yourself as well as self-respect.

Everytime you go back to that man you get hurt and your inner child gets hurt. You are abandoning your inner child everytime you go back.

You shouldn't have to wait to reach extreme pain to end it once and for all.

Is this all you think you deserve?

I suggest that you male a long list of all the ways and times this man has hurt you, all of the needs he dosen't met. And put that list by your phone. If he calls and you are not feeling very strong tell him you need to think about it.

Then look at your list and ask yourself do you really want to feel that pain again? do you really want subject your inner child to that treatment again? Because that's all you'll get from this man is pain.

Remember nothing will change with this man.

Care enough about yourself to protect your heart and make a firm committment to yourself and to your inner child that you will stay away from this man for good.

January 20, 2006
10:40 am
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gingerleigh
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You totally need a breakup buddy. Do you have any close girlfriends or a gay male friend, a sister or mother you get along with real well, something like that? You need someone you can check in with before resuming contact, someone who can remind you why you're better off without him. This is hard stuff, it's so much easier to go through this with someone rather than all alone.

May I also recommend some light humorous reading? "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" is written by the same author who wrote "He's just not that into you" and it's a hoot.

Hang in there, lady.

January 20, 2006
10:44 am
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kathygy
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the title of your thread is out of touch with reality. Its over with this man before you even see him. It will never go anywhere.

January 20, 2006
10:45 am
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hbdude2k
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September 27, 2010
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Get rid of all phone #'s, all of his email addresses, get rid of his address, get rid of all pictures etc....That is what I did to get rid of my toxic relationships and or friends. Sometimes I found myself searching for them to just make one more contact, but you know, I couldn't find any #'s or addresses that I might have hidden away...So, I know it works. That is probably the best thing I have done. Then, I went on a health kick and exercise kick. That was the best thing that I have ever done in my life. I am six weeks into this program and let me tell you, it is energetic. All of my bad distractions are gone and now its all about me. The discipline that I have taught myself is working. If you can discipline yourself to get healthy mentally and physically, then you have achieved the hardest thing you can do in life. Try it. Try to eat healthy. If you can do it for 3 weeks, your on your way to a better life. I am not worrying about any relationships now because my self esteem has been boosted from my discipline. I know the future is there for me and a great one. All in due time, I will be the best for me and everything else follows....Good luck and get rid of all toxic distractions so you can have a great life of your own.

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