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Is this unreasonable behavior?
January 23, 2004
5:44 pm
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wallace
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I have a co-worker who I'm really fond of-I'm sure it's mutual. They may be leaving in a few months. I don't think we will see each other much after they've left. I'm thinking of distancing myself. My thinking is what is the point of investing in a relationship that will likely end when they leave. Someone said I should enjoy the relationship while it lasts. The co-worker asked we what was wrong-they've noticed something has changed. Is this unreasonable of me?

January 23, 2004
6:01 pm
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lostman
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I do not think it is unreasonal for you to take care of yourself. If it was me I would do the same thing, I wish I would have done that on my last relaionship, I am paying for that now. If you know they are leaving there is no use hurting yourself, you sound like a kind person, take care of yourself no one else will. If most of us on this site would have we wouldn't be here now. You are the only one that knows what is best for you. Good Luck.

lostman

January 23, 2004
8:58 pm
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free
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That was cool lostman.

free

January 23, 2004
9:25 pm
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lostman
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Thanks free maybe I'm learning something from all you good people.

January 24, 2004
7:50 pm
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Enabler no more
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Maybe I'm still new here...but how far are they going? Isn't part of our behavior that we don't take chances or allow for fun?

Are the only relationships there are the ones that drain us and take all of us? Can't we enjoy somethings that don't require it all?

If this person isn't moving to Timbuktu or maybe dinner and movie might prove to be fun, if even for a weekend..can't you take the chance?

I might be wrong...but take a chance. Does everything we do have to be right and calculated?

Food for thought. I hope you trust in yourself enough to follow what's right!

ENM

January 25, 2004
2:14 pm
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wallace
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Thanks all. Letting my self relax into the relationship and giving it my all feels right. But a voice within reminds me that if I get too comfortable, I will pay for it later when they leave, when I shall miss them.

January 25, 2004
2:52 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Enabler no more,,,

You raised a very good point. I get so tired of trying to analyze every thing, i.e., is this codepedent behavior on my part, etc. Sometimes, I just want to have fun with somebody without having to check in a book or talk to my counseler first. Let's face it, I'm going to be a caregiver all of my life. I just have to be aware not to let people take unfair advantage of me and not let them control me. In life, there is always going to be give and take. I'm not much of a taker and doubt I ever will be. I'm 50 years old, realize that I've been codependent all of my life, and just have to get a grip on it and not let it control me. I feel I will always have slipsl, but now I'm more aware than I've ever been in my life, and I'm sure that with time, I will be even more aware of others' actions and my own reactions and how better to control them.

I agree that we don't have to have relationships that drain every fiber of our being out of us and I for one, am tired of that crap.

Wallace,,,I'm sorry but I really didn't understand if this was a romantic relationship or more of a friendship type.. If romantic and you will be hurt when the other person leaves, then by all means do whatever it takes to protect yourself. We all owe it to ourselves to protect ourself from hurt, even though I for one haven't done a very good job so far. But I'm learning!!!! I see you are too!!! W.

January 27, 2004
10:05 am
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artist 2
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Sounds like Enabler knows something about staying in the present and how it's really all we have... so in reflecting on this, why worry about when they leave? why not enjoy them while they are still there? then approach your grief after they leave. I'll bet you want to ask them out, outside of work?

February 2, 2004
9:56 pm
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chloeysmomma
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someone told me if u dont like the situation u can always change it for the better

February 3, 2004
10:16 am
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No, I don't think it is so unreasonable. We may not be able to change the situtation, but we can certainly change our reaction to it and think of it as a stepping stone, not a stumbling block.

Not to be too cliche, but there is an old saying "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade".

ladyace

February 3, 2004
12:02 pm
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Anonymous
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I also heard a good saying, you can't change what has happened, but you can change what you do about it

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