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Is this typical of an addict?
October 18, 2006
9:21 am
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hbdude2k
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I had to let my x-girlfriend go. She was a workaholic and trying to have a positive conversation with her was non exsistant. It seemed to always turn into an argument in a way-a negative. I just got tired of it and one day a few weeks ago, I stopped answering my phone. She freaked out and it was a shock to her. I told her I can't do this anymore and do not contact me via text or phone. I then told her what she has kept doing in our relationship etc. I ignored all phone calls and text messages. Now, she is all smoochy, lovey dovey, happy go lucky, calling me honey, baby this, baby that, we can make this work baby, I am so sorry etc. I can't be without you etc..I am quiting my second job etc...all this I wanted to see in the beginning, but now its way too late for me. But, is this typical of an addict? Or did she finally realize she screwed up and lost a great guy? I still ignore all phone calls and texts. However, as a codependent, this was the hardest thing to do. I always want to make people happy, so this is showing me I have recovered very well through my therapy and CODA meetings. I am proud of myself of getting rid of the toxic stuff in my life.

October 18, 2006
9:29 am
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revelation
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Hmmm...she sounds to be negative.
Is there more to it than just the fact that she has two jobs?

What do you mean by "positive conversation" give me an example?

Go into a bit of detail....basically though, my general advice would be go with your gut instinct...if you feel she's not going to change, or that its really too late for her to change, then go with that.

Rev.

October 18, 2006
10:29 am
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StronginHim77
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Sounds like you, two, were not compatible. Move on. You are young and there will be someone else out there, more suited to your temperment and needs.

You might want to tell her calmly and directly where the relationship failed to meet your needs so that she has some closure and so that she can take steps to prevent blowing another relationship in the future by the same shortcomings.

October 18, 2006
10:49 am
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hbdude2k
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Rev-Ok, typical day/evening. I would call and ask her how her day was. She would respond "fine". End of conversation. Then I would ask if anything exciting went on at work. She would say "no". End of conversation. etc...Then she would ask how mine was. I then would tell her details and what happened etc. That was an everyday thing for me. I swear, by the end of the week she would get mad about something and throw this "Everything is all about you, all you talk about is you, you never want to know about me, etc..Then, I would turn around and tell her I do ask and all I get is "fine or OK"etc..I told her you never want to tell me anything whats going on. You ask me and I tell you, that is why you know a lot about me. That was the typical. She had other issues with her son also, but since I never really knew what was going on, I think there were more deep issues that she never really wanted to get into. She also was caught lying about some stuff. There were definately issues somewhere. I feel sorry for her and hopefully she gets better. But for me, I am moving forward and am very happy..STRONG-my therapist told me to not make any contact because if I talk to her, she would take it like there is still a possibility of getting back together. This girl takes "no" for an answer and she already told me that in a card she sent me. However, I went to my 20 high school reunion, and a friend that I have known for 26yrs, we fell into each others arms. Its amazing what a difference there is talkn to a positive person than a negative. I am just moving forward and am happy now.

October 18, 2006
10:56 am
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revelation
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Ah no....this sounds like WAYYYY too much hard work. The lack of communication and vagueness and then turning it around on you and blaming you...thats "crazymaking" it will drive you insane, I know because I experienced it myself.

No, this girl has issues, she's not being open and she's not being honest, she's being vague, elusive and is obviously not able to face up to it. Just remember, you can't change her, even pointing out all of this will just make her retreat further into her shell, even if she portrays the "lovey-dovey" image, its only an act I think, she can't possibly change without first facing up to herself.

Leave it be I think, thats my opinion, this will only drive you nuts if you let it go on anymore.

Rev.

October 18, 2006
11:02 am
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StronginHim77
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Sounds reasonable to me. Move on. End of story.

I wish you well. You sound like a very nice guy, so I don't think you will be "sitting on the shelf" for long.

- Ma Strong

October 18, 2006
11:08 am
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atalose
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Rev nailed it on the head, wayyyy to much hard work. She sounds like she has traits of an addict. Your therapist is right, do not make any contact because she will think there is chance and you will never get rid of her.
You are doing great things for yourself, stay on this path and positive things will fill your life.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 18, 2006
11:09 am
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hbdude2k
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Rev/Strong-you are both right. Thanks for my higher power that I can see through this stuff now. I feel better about myself moving on than I do leaving her and trying to feel bad for her. It's me first. I have the power to be me. Have a great day everybody!

October 18, 2006
6:56 pm
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revelation
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Come back if the doubts start creeping in ok? Keep writing!

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