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Is this rude, or am I just sensitive??
June 17, 2006
8:50 pm
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Rasputin
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RFC - I have similar personality very much like yours the "Blue one." Could you please tell me which website you found this personality inventory? Thanks!!!

June 17, 2006
8:51 pm
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sleepless in uk
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Yeah it does make sense Ready..

and from where I am it makes you the kind of person anyone would want as a friend...except that sometimes I think some people are pretty shallow and dont know how to deal with someone honest and straightforward...

do you know what I mean? some people glide through life skimming along on the surface; they are terrified of dealing with real emotions or feelings because it is so foreign to them. Everything is dealt with on a superficial level because they are frightened to admit their limitations

Did you ever see 'The Way We Were'?

Barbara Streisand was political and smart and interested in social justice etc and Robert Redford loved her and knew she was really worth more than anyone he had ever known but somehow he just wasnt man enough to deal with anything on a deeper level....he couldnt handle it and felt guilty because of it..and probably slightly ashamed

and when we feel guilty we arent comfortable being around peoplke that remind us of our shortcomings are we??

I dunno; maybe i dont make sense but i think i am trying to say you are worth a whole lot more and they cant handle it!!!

Your posts show you are sensitive and caring and bright and funny...quite a fomidable combination

((ready))

By the way, I still have those scented candles waiting for George Clooney to arrive)!! Ill send him on when i finish with him

June 17, 2006
9:02 pm
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Rasputin
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Great post SUIK to which I agree 100%!!! 2 thumps Up!:) ~Ras~

June 17, 2006
9:05 pm
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sleepless in uk
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wow...thanks Ras

thumbs up to you.... and fingers up to that neighbour of Ready's!!!

June 17, 2006
9:09 pm
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119
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probably when its to late and the kis are grown up, not now when needed the most. People sux they are so unthoughtfull, how can that many people sux that much!!!!Rude neighbor Rude X ~mad props to you for being mature. I will say this though and it can be hard to draw where the line b/t mother - daughter relationship.
i wish my mom had not of shared so much with me now in my life. It did hurt me alittle more seeing the man my father is. And his bad judgements. at the time when i was 14-16 i loved hearing it, it made me and my mom so close! (she also did not have many if any friends after seperation/ divorse) so like i was saying it made my mom and i so close, i cherished thaat she would share her feelings with me about her relationship with my dad. And how not to let someone treat you. At the time it also made me more miture which was good.

in alot of way it hinderd me cause i was scared in my relationships, that the same thing would happen to me. I never took any shit from a man! and rezented my dad very much (he put most of it on him self, Damn tone means alot).also i saw how much it hurt my mother and how deppresed she was. it always ate at me that she felt like that. only until recently 9 yrs later stoped putting my family pain on my self. For example i have caried my 2 brothers my moms and my dad pain with me as if it was my own. i carierd alot cause i knew some of the pain unconsiosly came from the dysfunction in the family.( and i was blaming my dad) thats alot of pain to much for one person to carry. Its hard not to, i love my family and i dont want them to have pain. It was not my problem and i held in whetever feelng it was even longer than she did in ways. both now are in long happy relationships. and i still have much anger and carry on into the relationships i have now with men.

Some how i have even let myself become codependent. after having such a srtong mind of what i will and will not put up with in a relationship it really hurts.So even though she instilled it in me i still had to find out on my own with trial and error.

and to be honest me and my mom are not as close as we use to be, maybe we should have bonded in more ways. I did not realize or know what deppresion was back then and that my mom had it i just knew she was hurt.
just wanted to share some experince lots of love 119

June 17, 2006
9:33 pm
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readyforachange
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Ras...I knew we were a lot alike 🙂 I've been exploring many singles' websites, and this particular site is for Catholic Singles. The address is: http://www.catholicmingle.com

When you get to the home page, there's a button for "My Profile" and under that, there's a "Color Code" selection. That leads you to a questionnaire that lets you know which personality type you are. It's a "free trial" kind of website, so I'm just "exploring". Let me know how it turns out.

sleepless...I guess that makes sense, but for God's sakes...I don't think I'm better than anyone else! I just want people around me! And George Clooney would be fine, whenever you are finished with him 🙂

119...thanks for the insight into your mom's relationship with you. I try not to give my daughter too much information about her dad's "antics". She sees a lot of it, and I can't hide it from her. But I try not to say mean things about him, or put her in the middle. He does enough of that for both of us. I do worry about her future relationships...mostly that she will be looking for male affection in any way she can get it, and become too promiscuous too soon. Scares me, and she's only 12.

hugs to all of you for your support!

June 17, 2006
9:42 pm
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sleepless in uk
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Sending him over now!!!!!!!!

June 17, 2006
9:51 pm
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Matteo
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119,

Thank you for your post and your perspective. I know it is awfully hard at times but no matter what, children - even when they are older shouldn't be treated by their parents as friends or spouses, as someone to confine in. They have enough problems on their own, trying to make sense out of their dysfunctional families, without being burdened any more by their parents feelings about each other. Bite your tongue, write a journal, call a friend, post it on AAC but don't tell your children how the other parent hurts you! The children most of the time love both parents and putting them in between the rock and a hard place adds to their confusion, worries and anxieties they already have.

I am not surprised that you became co-dependent, 119, because in the process of carrying the pain of the whole family, you lost yourself and were not able to differentiate between other family members’ feelings and your own. Possibly you were playing mediator as well, and/ or were not sharing the pain you were burdened with anybody else. You just wanted your family to be well functioning, and you couldn’t make those changes alone. Perhaps you knew more about everybody’s feelings than any other family member, and as you’ve said you carried the burden in many ways longer than your mother did. How unfair to you! All the best to you, you have my regards.

June 17, 2006
9:52 pm
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I think one of the main things it was - was carrying her pain to much , i didnt want her to feel down. But the advice she gave me abuse and not to take. that really gave me alot of respect for my self and made me mature in alot of good ways i was the last of my friends to lose my virginity. B/c i had so much respect for my self.

some how i learned to respect my self but didnt really learn how to love my self dont know how i skipped that one.

i say cause its so important to learn not to carry other peple pain , cause i could not fix their pain any way and then felt guilty on top of it all that their was nothing i could do for them, they had to do it for theriselves.

I hope you can read this and understand what i am trying to say.
A good balance of the two should teach your duaghter to respect herself highly, not to put up with any level of abuse. This should help with her not looking for the affection somuch but finding it in herself. and still not let her carry your pain with her. I came across this web page in a book im reading i plan to give it to my brother, it http://www.healthybeginning.com it about teaching kids helathy habits at an early age.

lots of love 119

June 17, 2006
9:54 pm
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Rasputin
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Unfortunately, RFC, I am unable to find that link. The only thing I found is the "My Profile" button to the left and then to the left of this there are a number of titles, but none of them has hyperlink so that I can click on it. Below this there is nothing.

May be RFC since you are member on that site that's why you were able to access the personality test.

All I could get is the form to join that website.

But anyway, I am pretty sure the "Blue" one fits my personality to the litter.

Thanks!!! (((RFC)))

June 17, 2006
10:22 pm
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119
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Thank you matteo that makes alot of sence, it brought tears to my eyes, this is still something im tring to overcome.

ok i have to get this off my chest sorry to steal your thread RFC i'll give it right back after i get this off my chest. Even the word well fuctioning sadenes me that the word that i think mad my eyes water. I will never forget even though ive blocked out most of it. I was at my dad small as appartment with my 2 brother and my dad i think his girlfriend was their to, and this was around the same time my depression had started 5 yrs ago. I felling really really upset that my family was dysfuctional. and i was sitting in the chairr balling that this was not a family and i keep saying that. i wanted a response i wanted someone to make it all better. i was not handeling my own feelings. i walked to the bathroom to get some tissue and my dad comes in behind me he shut the door and started yelling/shouting at me. not at all what i was looking for i probably just needed a good hug. he screamed that i was never to bring that type of attitude in his house again. i cant even belive the things that were coming out of his mouth ive blocked most of them out as well as smoked them away. I was beging him to let me out of the bathroom. he would not and it got pretty physical, i have a temper myself, i know were i get that from, i left the apartment where he followed me down shouting at me.(pretty bad stuff) I actually spit in his face. he then proceded to tell in to call him in a year i think that was after i spit. i broke my heart that day when thats how my dad responded to me being really upset. i did talk to him bout a week after that and we got over it and that was that. we still cant talk about emotions very much he still just gets angrty or loses focus that we were taling about my feelings and my life.

Im sure we all have storys thanks for letting me get this one on paper.
I still just dont want to deal with life sometimes. but i guess i will because damn when it is good its good and it does make it all worth being here.
lots of love 119

June 17, 2006
10:27 pm
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119
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sorry its hard to read

June 17, 2006
10:32 pm
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Matteo
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(((119))))

June 17, 2006
10:33 pm
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119
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plus no one in my family will admit that i may have anxiety and depression, they think its all in my head, damn their denial kills me. But thats ok im at a place know in my heart where i will seek treatment myself and i dont need their approval. Man i am venting. cheese and rice

June 17, 2006
10:35 pm
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(((119))) also.

June 18, 2006
2:55 pm
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readyforachange
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(((119))) you definitely don't have to apologize for venting on this thread...I've pretty much gotten my rantings out of my system, so feel free.

I'm sorry your family cannot deal with things...it sounds a lot like mine. When I filed for divorce, I told my mother a small amount of the things she needed to know about what was going on in my marriage, and why I needed to end it. She said, "Oh, you are overreacting. You have to just put up with some stuff in a marriage." Talking about issues wasn't welcome in my family, and it sounds the same in yours. The story about your dad taking you into the bathroom sounds so much like something that would happen to me. If you open your mouth to point out the big, pink elephant in the living room, you are taken to the most remote place in the house and told to keep your thoughts to yourself. It's the same way in my ex's family. So many times I tried to tell them how sick he was, and that our marriage was falling apart...and every time I was told, "Oh, we're not going to get into that sort of thing right now." The subject was changed, and another round of drinks was poured! Problem solved!!!

Hang in there, honey. Even if no one else can deal with these things, and you won't have their support...you need to work through these things for yourself. You will become stronger, and healthier, so it is worth the pain and the effort. (((119)))

June 19, 2006
12:09 am
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Thanks for taking the time to write back ready for a change, i apprecitate it. I like your name by the way. Today was the first day that i felt the support from coming here, in my day to day life that is... i was hanging out with a friend and i was thinking how hard life can be (her life isnt together either and it was a bad day for her) and i was felling like their was no one around me striving to make their life better, kind of brought me down. And then i remembered that i have lots of people who are right here on these threads. trying to get help trying to take action to better theirselves. I thought of you and being READY FOR A CHANGE, good name, it did make me smile.

I belive i will stick around for a while. At least until i get a good schedule going and im spending my time wisely.

i like you big pink elephant metaphor, i like elephants 🙂

I do need to work these things out for myself, i trying but it seems i take i step forward and then 2 back, internally. What matteo said earlier about not being able diffeniate my feeling from family member made a lot of sense, i do feel that way the more i look at it. I have been for so long that its hard not to. i really need to just take them time and find more inner peace. I tried reki couple months back. During the session (like in a meditation) is when it came to me about taking on others pain. It was clear in black and white, litteraly one half of me was black the other half white right down the middle, with my eyes closed.

I hate when peolpe mask feeling and deni that people may be going thru mental and emotional problems. it drives me crazy. I feel like that one reason i want to move west, that more people are open minded in that area of the country. like orgen or colorado or arizona. i dont know it will be at least 6 months, i better get ready plannning. my dad and his girl just back back from Alaska and i have a Aunt up there that said i could go live with them for awhile they would have a place for me to stay and a job for me. I thinking about it but i'd like to finish school first. My dad was there for 3 wks and it never got dark. Wild huh!
I was born there but left very young. havent been back, yet.

well i guess ill stop wrighting hope you get this lots of love - 119

June 19, 2006
12:15 am
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readyforachange
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119...you are right, there are always people here who are fighting very hard to change their lives, and helping each other along the way.

I don't know why I picked the name I did, it just came to me. It says exactly what I was feeling at the time...I was ready.

You must be pretty young, but you sound very wise. I only wish I had started to make changes in my life as early as you are...way to go!

Hope to hear from you soon!

June 19, 2006
12:34 am
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119
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ya i live with my dad at the moment i moved out on my own for about a year, but some people came in my house when i was home and robbed me. i ended up moving back home for awhile plus to saave up some money, that i have not. woops. Im about to move in with a great group of people though. i cant wait to change my enviroment their so much anger around here at my pops.
My dad just has anger and cant deal with his kids lives his girl friend i think is going thru postmentapaue and follows evry were ive been in the hose changing somrthing. it makes me feel uncomfortable and get this the house is sooo unorganized her stuff, i dont know why she has to go right behind me all the time. and my older brother lives here with his kid(he just got custudy this year) and he is depressed, plus it drives me crazy how they all choose to raise him.
Anyway im out of here. and it great where im going they all belive in there selves and what their doing. i cant wait. Im just waiting to get my car in my name (its been over a year since i owned a car wow) and then i can get a job and pay rent. yay.

I know i still be trying to over come anxiety and depression that i let get pretty bad, but i think it will be good for me. Ya im 23 this year.
i just hope i can turn my positve thoughts into action. and dreams reality
lots of love 119

June 20, 2006
9:58 am
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readyforachange
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119...you have such a positive attitude, and no one can take that away from you. I hope that your new home will be what you hoped for, but remember that living with other people can always be challenging. Keep that in mind - everyone has little quirks that can be irritating at times. Are you getting any support for your anxiety/depression with medication or counseling?

June 20, 2006
3:05 pm
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i try to be optomistic for example my car broke down last year, it never drove again, but i was thinking how the inspection was bad and it was not as leagll as is should have been. so I said to my self I just may have gotten very lucky, b/c i cant afford to have a ticket or points on my driving record. I try to see the other side of things. Im beliveing less in cawincicedences. (sorry bad spelling)

its hard somethimes ; BAM deppresion hits. and i feel like i'll always be a failure. It hits me pretty hard and can become very physical.

That every choice i make in life will be a bad one. and i loose hope in all my goals.

I just just got done reading this book yesterday. A whole book one day first time ever. Just started to like to reading. It was good though it was about a town of sameness (Like a commun) where no one really felt love or pain. But on person the keeper of memorys, it reminded me how fortinet we all are to have choices and memorys good and bad. And to be able to see color and feel happiness and love. so many times i just want to turn everything off! it was nice to be reminded how fortinet i am to be a human. To really be able to have feelings. I MUST KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THIS.

I just started to get treatment. I feel like the only support i have is myself(who i dont know or love), and now here with what i would like to say are my friends.

Friends: An ally, supporter, sympathizer; a person whom one nows well and is found of.

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