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Is this relationship worth it?
January 22, 2001
4:50 am
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LyssaM
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Hello. First, some background. I have separated from my husband of six years and am now trying to make it on my own. I've just lost my mother this year and my father the year before. I'm 28 and the mother of one. My problem is that I am seeing a man whom I've known for five years. He's very supportive of me and very loving towards my child. But, he also has a very low self esteem. It seems as if any time I get a little upset with him, he jumps into "Oh God, I've lost her!" mode, and I spend the next hour convincing him that I still love him. This is very draining for me right now. I don't truly know who I am right now or what I want. I seem to be spending most of my energy on telling him how much I love him. I do love him very much. I have never felt so happy or content with anyone else. I just don't know how long I can deal with his paranoia about losing me. I told him tonight that I thought I needed some time to think and tried to explain some of what I was feeling. He reacted extremely badly, and has now told me that he will not interfere with my life. He will wait for me to call him. How do I make him see how much I love him without having to constantly boost his self-esteem? Is it even worth it? Help....

January 22, 2001
1:47 pm
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Cici
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Have you tried talking with him about his low self-esteem and how it's affecting the relaitonship? The thing is that this would be a problem for anyone, especially for you since youa re dealing with so much other emotional stresses right now.

I had a similar problem with my fiance, he had pretty low self-esteem and it was getting to be a big obstacel for us. But I brought it to his attention, explained how his behavior was damaging our relationship, and he has successfully been working on his self-esteem for a while now.

I hope this helps some...

January 22, 2001
8:11 pm
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Molly
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You have been through allot recently, and your child needs you to be there emotionally. You don't have much to give considering all that you have gone through, and need to focus on you and your child more than his feelings right now. Let him wait for your call, and take care of you and yours. Spend your down time learning about you, who you are and what you want out of life, this can only benifit your child. We get so caught up in filling up our void, that we forget about the childs void, including your emotional absence dating. The child needs you, all that you have. I would bet that although this is a nice person, there is something lacking in him that you are filling, but how long can you do this before you are totally spent? Being with out a partner is strange at first, but as you get into your routine, and devote your self to you and your child, and as you get strong and healthy, you will wonder how you had time to date. Find some good women friends, and explore life, with out all the drama of a relationship for a while.

January 23, 2001
2:39 am
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LyssaM
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Cici,

Thank you for the encouragement. I have tried talking to him somewhat about his low self-esteem, but not to the point of how it is affecting our relationship. I will try as you suggest and see if that improves anything. I really do not want to lose this man, as I do truly love him, and he loves me. I feel so content when I am spending time with him, that I don't want to let this come between us. He has been extremely supportive of me throughout all of my trials in the recent past and he is my best friend besides being my lover. Thank you all for your ear and your advice.

January 23, 2001
7:47 am
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janes
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YOu need a good friend and if he can back off..just a little it might work in the long run.

Counseling wouldn't hurt either of you as a couple or as singles.

Good luck.

January 25, 2001
8:33 am
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mara
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when you say "he reacted extremely badly", that concerns me. relationships are draining when they are with intense "needy men", draining! mentally,physically,emotionally, draining.. food for thought. the best freind part and the lover part is nice, you might feel secure because he isn't? things will happen as they happen. good luck. hope he is sensative & loving to you, compassionate.

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