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Is this ok or normal???
March 20, 2008
6:48 am
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taj64
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I miss that part about masturbating. They should not be sleeping together in that case. At least he was honest enough with you to admit it. I dont know what you could do about it since you are broken up. I think it is a good idea to share about it though and try to analyze these behaviors after the fact, the many red flags that you saw along the way of this relationship, and piece them together so that you don't get involved with a man like this again. The man obviously knows this is wrong and said he would not do this again but who knows what really goes on here. I hope his word is good on that part and the child doesnt develop those habits if he happens to be awake when the dad does his deed. Be thankful you are out of this type of relationship and find someone with healthier behaviors. Good luck to you.

March 20, 2008
9:06 am
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cerise
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And I come from a culture in which family living was communal, but it didn't mean parents doing intimate stuff with their kids beside them.

March 20, 2008
10:10 am
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caraway
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peace,

Just saw the post about masterbating with his son sleeping in bed.. YUK! I think this guy has a problem. If he just needed to do that, he could have gone to the restroom.

Walk away.

cary

March 20, 2008
2:41 pm
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peacesoul
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cerise

My ex is, I don't believe is "sick", but certainly immature emtotionally.
I mean why would a grown man jerk off while his son slept.

He swore he only did it twice b/c he was too lazy to go to the bathroom.
But I mean, how can a man get EVEN remotely horny while his kids slept next to him.

He said he never really thought it was sick, but admitted he did it and also swore he never did it again.
I believe he's not done it again, but does a grown up need to be told that it's a weird thing to do?

His son really is a mess, but no one in the family sees it.
And to boot, my ex lives in the same apartment complex and his Mom and Dad and Dad's g/f. These people are together every second weekend when he has his kids. They eat almost every meal together etc.

I would wonder why his own parents would not say something about how his son acts.
I was there with his family once for supper and the boy started to crawl under the table while we all ate and NO ONE told him to get up.
When I mentioned it to my ex later on, he said "Oh come on, he's just a kid, kids do that"
YES KIDS not teenage boys?!

I had to walk way from my ex b/c he was not listening. He truly believes all is well in his world.

Oh and I should also mention, his kids are not allowed to walk anywhere alone.
They have a library about 1/2 block from their house and they need to be driven or accompanied by an adult at all times.
These kids are never with other kids and if they are it's with adults.
They have a park across the street and are not allowed to play there unless they are with an adult.

The boy plays hockey and my ex has to be at EVERY game. He won't miss a game b/c he doesn't want his son to be SAD....BOO FRIGGIN HOOO!

My ex, by the way, was adopted. Claims in never affected him, I think it did.
His sister (who was also adopted) is just as messed up,

She has two autistic kids and goes from men to men. She refuses to speak to my ex's parents ever.

Something WEIRD going on there.

And the worst part, my ex is one the nicest, most kind humans I never met, but is blinded by his issues.

Sucks!

March 20, 2008
10:10 pm
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_anonymous
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Peace- My case and point with the masturbation thing. The son might be asleep but he is not dead or in a comma. The fact that your BF would actually tell this to you is evidence he has no boundaries and the fact that your BF did not leave the bed and find a private place to do that tells me the man is sick. You know he is and that is why you posted here. A normal person would not feel sexually excited and masturbate in the presence of their own children or any other child for that matter. I think that this man explained to you why he is in bed with his son and I would not give a damn about what he says. I would look at what he is doing. Like you said the BF has money and he chooses to bed down with his son. If you stick around you are telling him and his son that this behavior is OK. If it were me I would think about the poor innocent son who depends on adults to decide where he sleeps and tell someone who can help about what is going on.

Honey you are right Something Weird is going on. Maybe you can be a hero to those kids and get them away from him. Nice is as nice does. When most people think of a nice man they dont picture him in bed masturbating next to his son.

Forget about what this man is doing to his kids for a moment and look what it is doing to you.

March 21, 2008
3:48 am
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cerise
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yes, screwed up families can continue until the spell is broken, can you talk to someone in authority even if for you to relay your concerns, on the other hand, walk away, stay away as it will do your head in and you want a man without the baggage and weird behaviour, kids or no kids!
He and his family don't see the problem and probably never will, be glad in some sense that this sin't your environment or responsibility anymore, but its hard to walk away when the children are the ones who deserve the best start in life.
this guy sounds like he has a big problem and in denial by his behaviour and actions, you need to decide how you want to deal with this, whether you try and help for the kids sake, or get on with rebuilding your life.

March 21, 2008
9:10 am
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peacesoul
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As much as I would want those kids to be healthier and happier, I think I have to stay away and rebuild my own life.

I suffer from a chronic illness and very much struggle every day. I cant give my energy to this.

It was very hard to walk away because I do love my ex. He has issues, but I can tell you, his heart and soul are in the right place.
In his mind, he loves his kids to no end. He just lacks the skills to see their issues and his issues.
His life is his kids.

It sounds so awful that he sleeps with his son and touched himself in bed, but I can assure you, his intentions were not sinister. he's just stupid!

Anyway, I have no clue how to help. I need to work on my own life and illness.

But I have to say, from all these responses, I can see my ex really does need help.

Here is one thing I know for sure. if I went to therapy and asked him to join me, he would in a NY minute.
I know he wants help...he's just terrified to do it alone.

I truly think he wants help.

March 23, 2008
10:43 pm
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_anonymous
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Peace- It is good to know that you were intelligent enough to walk away and help yourself.

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