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Is this normal?
March 14, 2001
2:07 pm
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LisaLuvRay
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Hey.. I just wanted to post something else. Is it normal to be afraid of everything? I am afraid of people. I am afraid to express my true feelings. I find myself always lying to people cause I am afraid to tell them the truth or what I really truly feel. It gets really frustrating.. but I can't seem to get myself to be honest and let people really know how I feel. Anything I can do? Or why do I do this?

March 14, 2001
3:17 pm
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WKOUT
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LISA, Why would you rather lie then state the truth in who you are. No one is better then you, it's a gift to allow others into your world, the truth of who you are and what you want and how you feel! Perhaps you fear their disapproval on being yourself....that may be normal to experience but it doesn't make it right. Most of us feel the need to be accepted but never let that acceptance come by lies and dissuption of who you are. Love yourself Lisa and others will follow.....if not then allow them to pass and await for another who will accept the true Lisa! Jen

March 14, 2001
3:26 pm
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LisaLuvRay
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Hey WKOUT! Thanks for the reply. I have no idea why I am scared to tell the truth. I am just scared that people will get mad at me if I tell them how I truly feel. Like with my boyfriend. I usually see him about 5-6 days a week. If I want the night off to myself one night, I am scared to tell him, cause he might get mad that I don't want to see them. Or even at work, when I get a project. They will ask how long it will take to do something. I will tell them an amount that I know they want to hear because I am scared to tell them how long it will actually take, cause I don't want them to get mad.

March 14, 2001
11:45 pm
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WKOUT
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lisaluvray, It's wkout....How are you doing...hopefully good? It sounds like you care about people's feelings (good) but that then leads you to lie or do things you may not want to do, sacrificing yourself for their satisfaction. Perhaps with your boyfriend you can sit down and make a plan....tell him that your weeks fly by and you love the time you have with him but that you need a day to take care of your personal issue's...he should understand. Perhaps he needs that also and the two of you are fearing the pain of telling/asking one another. As far as your work you need to tell them the time frame that you would be able to complete the task in....perhaps even say an "hour" when you know it may take only 45 minutes...this way you look as if you completed it even sooner then they thought you would. If you tell them what they want to hear and you know it's impossible for you to complete it, then your settinig yourself up for failure and that turns into a mess with dissapointment from them and within yourself. You don't want to get your boss/co-workers mad at you but if you tell them a time frame that can't get met then they will get mad any how...:-) Just be who you can be and do what you can in a healthy manner....do your job well with speed but your speed and your quality of work. If it's not excepted what more can you do hun? Caring for people's feelings is a wonderful...wonderful qaulity to have but please don't lose sight of your own...it's clear you already have in a small or perhaps big way and you need to clear the slate with these people and stand proud with your wants and abilities. Best of Luck...Jen 🙂

March 15, 2001
9:15 am
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nan
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Dear Lisa,
It's perfectly normal to be afraid to take risks. What are you afraid will happen if someone is mad at you? It's normal to feel angry sometimes.(Haven't you ever been mad at your boyfriend?) Think about allowing your boyfriend to be angry. Being angry isn't about yelling, etc, if that's what you're afraid of. It's just about feeling, and it's okay to feel mad at times. Perhaps you need to distinguish between feeling and behavior. (for example, if someone is angry (feeling), he will leave me (behavior), or think I'm a bad person (behavior). However, if you don't risk someone getting angry, you will risk becoming resentful or being perceived as someone you're not. What are you most afraid will happen if you risk being being yourself? What do you think will happen if you allow your boyfriend to feel angry or disappointed? What do you feel when you supress your desires to avoid potential conflict? (I've been just as afraid of such things as you are--I understand!)

March 15, 2001
7:04 pm
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xander
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September 27, 2010
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Has anyone had a problem with transference with their therapist?

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