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Is this illegal or just irresponsible?
September 18, 2006
12:13 am
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Randomwomen2
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Our neighbors are not teaching there children correctly. I walked out to my car the other day and caught this 4 year old peeing beside it. I asked his parents about it and they said that that's how they potty trained him. Another neighbor lets their 4 year old girl spend the whole day outside with no shirt on. And these children stay up outside until like 1am. We live in an apartment complex it is really easy to hear the kids outside I hear the mother yell a lot which is understandable because she has a young son but this is like at 12:30 am and he is still outside with her and it keeps me up. I dont let my children play outside with them because I dont want them to pick up habits like peeing outside and following other people into there houses like one of them did to me today but he opened the door and walked in and wouldn't leave. These children are prime candidates for child abductors. I cant get out of my car without children swarming me asking if they can have my soda cause there dad said that it was OK (Which he hasn't a clue) and asking if they can come in my home. I am just at a loss of what to do. A lot of our neighbors are drinkers and pot smokers I hate living where I am at but I cant afford to move but I also dont want to make enemies of our neighbors cause I'm afraid of what would happen then. Any suggestions?

September 18, 2006
12:29 am
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mamacinnamon
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RW"

Sad isn't it. So very sad. Honey there are so many parents that just don't care or don't want to be bothered by their kids. I remember running around at 5 w/ no shirt. Nowadays you could be turned into social services for letting your child do that.

You have a big wonderful heart. I want to tell you that you are the only sane parent there and you could be such a mentor to these kids. BUT....and I am not cold hearted really.... BUT, you cannot let the whole neighborhood into your apt. And if you did some of these type folks would ask the kids what you have and might come steal it. No, I'm not off my rocker here. My evil x told me that he and his sister when they were young would go into folks house to scope it out for their dad to come back and rob them later. Honestly.

Other consideration is your kids. How would you ever have time w/ them if you are overrun w/ the kids in the neighborhood. You also risk headlice, bad manners, illnesses, etc.

I might suggest that a couple times q week you meet the kids in the commons and read to them or do a craft w/ them. BUT DO NOT let them in your house. That is your family's place. just say I'm sorry honey you canot come in. And close the door. It will rack your heart, I will tell you that it will hurt. Pray for the little ones is the best I dan say.

From a kid's view... My mom took in all the strays (as they say) and she let them have coz they never had and she let them drive her car instead of her own kids and I will tell you from me and my siblings as children and teens there was a lot of hurt that our own mom would let the other kid drive and not let us because "we could do it any time". Don't do that to your kids. They are first.

Don't know if I helped or fussed, but hope for you nothing but the best.

September 18, 2006
12:57 am
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That is good advice MamaC. This is literally "too close to home," and it could make life for RW and your family very difficult. Your kindhearted efforts could be interpreted (though correct) as a criticism of your neighbor's parenting skills and they could be very unkind in response. People do not like to be told how to raise their kids. It could escalate, especially if you get close to the kids- imagine if they accused you of something?

However, you could speak to someone in child protective services, but I have a feeling your privacy and anonymity would not be protected... maybe this is of less importance to you though if you see things that are endangering the lives of these children.

You are kind person, I understand how you must feel. At work I have to make an extra effort sometimes to put up boundaries with the kids. My powers are so limited.

I know you will make the right decisions.

-ella

September 18, 2006
10:11 am
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lovetocrochet
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I wonder if you could call your local police and ask them to give their opinion on what you see? Maybe they'd let you file an anonymous report? I do believe child services does disclose who you are when you file a complaint.

In any case I agree, at the least this is very irresonsible parenting and could be seen as neglect or endangerment.

September 18, 2006
10:38 am
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Anonymous
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I would say the answer to your question is both.The DHS in my area does do anonymous reporting as it would be dangerous to disclose "Hey your neighbor thinks your a bad mother,so we are here to look..."
I have recently had this experience...kids on my doorstep begging for treats,peeing outside,being out until the wee hours of the night,etc...
nothing happens unless someone steps in and makes it happen.But like MamaCinnamon said,as tempting as it is,do not allow them in your home as they could be unknowing instruments of their parents,and be casing your place for valuables.
You could not possibly be singled out by any of these parents for reporting them as you are very likely not the only person who has seen it or heard the children in your community.
I at first thought I was being a busybody and intrusive when I had to report my own sister-in-law years ago,but I have never been sorry,and I have no second thoughts about protecting the neighborhood kids from their parents.The DHS could point them in the right direction for counseling,therapies,or even if their situation is bad enough,foster care and adoption placement.Nothing lights a fire under an overwhelmed or incompetent mother than being told by a DHS worker,we are watching you and your actions are not acceptable.

September 18, 2006
10:43 am
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jastypes
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You can certainly make an anonymous call to the children & youth department in your area. They will take a report, and if they feel the children are being neglected in some way, they will investigate. These parents made need help of some sort that the agency can give them. I've had C&Y in my life, and while it was sometimes uncomfortable, I learned a lot, and received help that included at various times: a mentor; free daycare; a visiting nurse; grocery coupons; christmas gifts; and family counseling.

September 18, 2006
7:48 pm
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Randomwomen2
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thank you all for your responces. I cant even have my living room window open with out one of the children looking in and trying to talk to me. There is one boy inpaticular its the one that came in my home yesterday and runs to my car when I am trying to get out saying dady said I could have what ever I have like a soda or something. I know these kids get fed they just dont have any mannors what so ever

September 18, 2006
8:53 pm
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mamacinnamon
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RW:

There is a reason that dad is tellin his kid that. Either he doesn't want to deal w/ the kid and that's his way of sayin go away, or he probably asks the kids what is in your house, what is in your car, etc.
OR that is the only way the kid thinks he can get anything. But, Kids don't just walk up to a stranger and say "my dad says I can have......". Kids don't say anything unless they have been versed on what to say, they have seen it work for someone else, or he is just a really good conchild.

Be careful about dealing w/ these type folks. They are bad news.

September 18, 2006
9:36 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Unfortunatly all of our neighbors are like this I dont trust a single one of them

September 19, 2006
8:42 am
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Anonymous
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RW,
I live in a very similar situation,and have recently made contact with my DHS on the matter.In the meantime,the children of your neighbors that you do not trust,let alone know,can be a valuable asset to you,so to speak.I found that as children are products of their environment to a degree,that they can be taught the bare essentials,even by strangers.When I have children on my doorstep begging for treats for example,I have found that telling them I only have treats for kindness or politeness seem to keep some of the kids at bay as they don't want to be forced to behave and the ones who do will actually tell me of others misbehaving.
When a kid is telling you,"Hey my dad said I could have your..."what he is probably saying is my dad is dismissing a need I have for a drink or something,and although it is not your job to care for this kid,I have found that telling a kid,have your dad come tell me face to face that it is ok for you to have it sends them packing.If you do decide to make contact with the DHS about your "hood rats",these children have doctors,teachers,and relatives who could all be the "culprits" as to who reported them,so have no fear of retribution from these unsavory neighbors.

September 19, 2006
10:18 am
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atalose
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My own experience with a similiar situation ended up with me and several other neighbors moving.

My retired neighbors daughter moved in with them when her husband went to prison!

She had 3 kids who ran wild in the neighborhood. I could not get out of my car without them running over to see what I bought, what I was doing and if they could come into my house.

I found out the hard way that the nicer I was to them the more that attracted them to me and my kids.

They would knock at my door and ask for food or drinks. They would help themselves to my kids bikes, roller blades, balls and toys if my garage door was open.

If I didn't lock my front door they would just walk in. I finaly sat them all down and told them MY RULES but I had to rearrainge my whole life and the way I did things. I had to constantly be on the lookout for them at all times, it was a horriable way to live.

Talking to them was futel and taking to the grandparents or the mother was worse.

The police were called several times by a number of neighbors as was child services. Nothing seemed to change.

Neighbors started to move away because of that family. I had to move due to a divorce but was at the end of my rope with the entire situation.

That was 7 years ago the mother had 2 more children since and the police are still being called to that home on a regular bases.

I have alot of sympathy for you in such a bad situation, hand in there but do what is best for you and your kids.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

September 19, 2006
9:08 pm
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ACryForHelp
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Yeah... you don't have much of a choice then to call C.P.S. or D.C.F.S. what ever it is called in your neighborhood.

Next time there is a Kid running around at 1:00 am call the cops for a Noise Complaint.

They won't tell who called it in. They will just gather the kids, herd them back into the apartment, and put the family's name in the system.

If they get enough noise complaints then either the Family itself will learn that something is wrong OR the state/fed's might come in without YOU having to be the one to call...

Start small... 1 noise complaint at a time...

Keep a notebook of what you see, names, dates, times, exc. so that if/when you go to C.P.S. you will have more then just a vague discription.

The laws and such vary by state or even city so there IS a chance that they might not do anything... My father called D.C.F.S. on a friend of his because the wife was SMOKING CRACK and other dugs in front of the 11 year old... The guy on the line said "as long as they are not GIVING the 11 year old girl drugs it is not a crime and we cannot investigate."

So many people see these kids and just turn a blind eye so I TRULY appreciate you even WANTING to help them!

*HUG*

THANK YOU for careing even if you don't get anywhere in helping... You are asking so you are doing more then 98% of the population!

Write a letter, call Child Protective Services, ask a Cop to come and look around... ANYTHING to get this address and their names into the system SHOULD start a Snow Ball which might lead to help.

Good Luck! *HUG*

September 23, 2006
8:17 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I got so frustraited again today. The same little boy that has been giving us problems just walked through our front door today. I explained to him that he needs to knock first he needed help taking off his helemt I told him that I would help him but I got down on my knees so he could see me face to face and told him that it was very important that he knocks that it is not ok just to walk into someones house

September 24, 2006
1:02 am
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Since when is smoking crack not a crime in and of itself? Last I heard it was.

September 24, 2006
10:23 am
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Random, this brings back so many memories of the neighborhood we lived in when our kids were small.

After the first couple of birthday parties when we invited all the neighbor kids (and trust me, they ALL came and never left willingly and they left with half my kids' things), I really had to get kind of "cold" about keeping them out of the house. They would pee on my front stoop. They'd stand at the front door and windows peering in at what we were doing inside.

I locked the doors, pulled the shades, lots of times took my kids to other, safer places to play, and sometimes we kept to ourselves, or made friends at play school. It wasn't always the situation, but there were two households in the neighborhood where the kids were just "put out the door" for the day and all they did was go around and plague everyone else. My kids NEVER wanted to go to their houses!!

I know money for play school is an issue, but maybe through a church group there is a place where you can let your little guys socialize with other kids whose parents are trying to raise them in a caring way.

And as far as helping those other kids out.....I did stuff with and for them sometimes. Maybe just one at a time. Very supervised. Made sure they were polite and behaved.

I brought my kids inside to eat. I could not afford to feed the neighborhood. No treats outside. I always thought that was rude when other parents gave their kids treats to eat in front of other kids.

Like mamac, we had a couple of robberies and we were pretty sure it was the one dad. Calling the authorities about kids being out that late -- I definitely would have done that. But you do have to be careful so there's no danger for retaliation. I really tried to keep my distance.

Just tell the kid he needs to go home and get his Dad to give him a soda, because this one belongs to you.

Tell them you are doing a messy art project. Tell them your kids have to take a nap now and they have to go home. Tell them you are having a quiet time. You are tired and you get headaches. Tell them they HAVE to go home!!! Take his little sticky hand and walk him partway in that direction and say goodbye ......

if they are swarming your coming and going, you can just ... not talk to them. Don't answer their questions. Tell them it's none of their business.

I hope some of this helps....I was not evil, but there were days and there were days. You have to protect your own kids first. Set your boundaries.

THEN, if you really feel that child is being malnourished or abused, you need to start making those calls.

September 24, 2006
10:29 am
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Kids under 15 or 16 have to be off the public streets after 10 pm in our town. So, yes, it's illegal for those kids to be running around then. It's also illegal to be so noisy at that hour -- public disturbance. Can you call the local police and just ask?

October 31, 2006
9:53 pm
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ACryForHelp
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Yeah... make a complaint to CPS, DCFS, whatever Child Protective Services is called in your area...

Again... the noise complaint to the cops would get them in the system and if you are forced to do it enough times then the DCFS will get involved with or without your complaint.

Start calling the athroties that are paid to deal with people like these!

Don't feel bad! Just call 9-11 or 3-11 or whatever number you have!

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