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Is this healthy sexual behavior? Or is “abnormal?!”
February 1, 2005
11:18 pm
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Congratulations on your job offer!!! Good things are coming your way... and I wish you many more.

The thing about picturing other people and excluding yourself...that is so common, so don't beat yourself up. Sometimes I just do that when I am feeling bad about myself. I rather just fantisize about my boyfriend than put myself there because at the moment maybe I'm not feeling too comfortable with myself, my body, whatever. Sad that at those times I find him a turn on, but can't put myself in the picture. Usually this would have to be combined with relationship problems for me to stretch reality so. Mostly, in better times, I just rely on the action at hand or flashbacks of us at other times. Can you relate to that?

When you start working on a new job, having new preoccupations, and having a life that is more filled with things not associated with this guy... this will all seem less of a problem for you. I hope that things get better for you and you find your own space in life- away from the abuse of this man.

Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this.
love,
ella

February 1, 2005
11:26 pm
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PL- I don't think you are the first guy to advocate that! Actually, think of it... it could be such a self serving thing if hopyhoo's bf asked her to introduce a woman into their relationship to live out the fantasy- and how damaging that could be to hopyhoo. She is in a vulnerable place right now. Self exploration as far as porn and masturbation are one thing... Hopyhoo i'm just saying, I would be worried that you would be talked into doing something you might not be comfortable with. Fantasies are harmless for a reason, what you do with them often isn't.

It sounds like this guy and this relationship has been a source of pain for you Hopyhoo. Be careful.

February 1, 2005
11:31 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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I completely agree mzrella and to set the record strait I am the 10,079,378th guy to recomend sexual exploration.

February 1, 2005
11:43 pm
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sometime's I'm a little slow to read sarcasm over cyberspace! 🙂

February 1, 2005
11:48 pm
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🙂

February 2, 2005
9:40 am
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hopyhoo
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Wow…I smell love in the cyberspace…
Phallic and mzerella :the person that would like to explore more is me ,was my idea ; I have being questioning my self, trying to know me better and more in contact of MY needs ,and discussed in therapy about “it”, and she says that there is nothing “sick” abut it ;and that gave me more confidence about my self, and my state of mind !
The problem is the future of the relationship…since he doesn’t see nothing wrong in the relationship ,to go therapy!!??

February 2, 2005
8:10 pm
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hopyhoo
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any body here for feedback??!!

February 2, 2005
8:24 pm
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Uh oh.

Hopyhoo is getting cute.

You said the problem is that he doesn't want to go to counseling. What are you willing to do about that? It seems like, if he doesn't want to go, you need to make a decision. Are you going to settle for what you have or are you going to find something better?

It's your decision.

February 2, 2005
9:18 pm
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hopyhoo
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I made a decision a month ago…and delayed it, and steel thought that HE WILL UNDERTAND…later; later never came…(twelve years older, and still no accountable for his actions and decisions..) I know what I want ,and I DO NOT WANT “a love avoidant”, I want somebody that wants to BE BY MY SIDE ,ADMIRE MY decision to built a better life and relationship ,SOME BODY THAT APPRECIATED ME!!!!

February 2, 2005
9:20 pm
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And that's because, YOU FUCKIN' ROCK, hopyhoo! Good for you!!!

February 2, 2005
9:33 pm
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hopyhoo
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THANK YOU PHALIC, YOU HELP! (That is amazing, how a stranger can appreciate you better than your own partner!!!!)
Now…what is coming next I was trying to delayed too,(withdrawal) but it keeps coming ,and coming till I cant avoid it anymore…I need to find out if I am addicted to the relationship or the person ,because if deep inside there is not “real material” to work with (I know ,still “hanging”) will definitely not survive my change throw a better way of living.

February 2, 2005
9:41 pm
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How about if you look at your moving on as a source of empowerment. Every day you get closer to leaving you get just a little more power and like a snowball that gains momentum down the hill you crash through the door and into a new life.

On the outside you can say to yourself that everything is fresh and exciting and look for all of those things in everyone you meet. You can say to yourself, I'm not going to go back to that old place and I'm going to make the most out of everyday with every fiber of my being.

You can say, I won't be discouraged by the past but I will continue to work and have fun and help other people to have fun too.

Or you could just be a bump on a log and not have any fun at all holding onto your misery because it's the only thing you know how to do.

It's your decision. It's your life. You're young. Make the most out of it!

February 2, 2005
9:50 pm
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hopyhoo
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That’s what I am doing FEELING MY FEELINGS, learning on my own time, this is the best I can do right now…but willing to settle for MUCH MORE…

February 2, 2005
9:58 pm
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Outstanding.

February 3, 2005
12:14 am
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Hello hopyhoo...

You sound empowered... I think you have two related yet separate issues that you are talking about here at the same time am I right? Just so I can understand better, the first an main topic is that of your boyfriend not giving you all the respect and attention you deserve (sorry if I'm simplifying that here). The other is the sexuality thing which we talked about.

As of now those two things are intertwined because you are in a sexual relationship with this man, so logically your sexual experiences are going to be influence/shared by/with this man and your pusuits together.

Now, the cool thing is you are talking about yourself as an individual in the later part of this thread. What are your plans cause, YOU SOUND GREAT!

Think of it this way, as a self respecting individual... you can take your explorations, fantasies... where you want to.

Be safe! Be well!
keep posting.

-ella

February 4, 2005
8:57 am
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sexychocgirl
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WOW YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING I ALSO HAVE THE SAME FANTISE AS HOPY ABOUT BEING WITH ANOTHER.BUT ALOT OF SHAME ASSOCIATED WITH THAT FEELING. I WOULD NOT DARE THINK ABOUT COMING OUT.

February 4, 2005
5:52 pm
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hopyhoo
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sexichocgirl,what exactly are you talking about?

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