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Is this Co-Dependent behavior
April 10, 2007
1:48 am
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dlillico
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September 24, 2010
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I am in a very odd situation...first, yes I have an addiction background but have done the 12 step route in the past. In the past I have picked women who tend to be distant and I chase till I am burned out. I have rarely felt comfortable with a pampering relationship. Now I have two people in my life, one who pampers me endlessly and love me deeply and the other who is distant and does not share much. I was dating her first and when we stopped seeing each other met the second woman and here you are. But now I cannot seem to get the other woman out of my mind and am constantly in contact with her in hope of working it out. I am too old for this type of behavior and want it to end once and forever. Am I in love with the original woman or is this simply co-dependency??? And what to do or how???

April 10, 2007
8:47 am
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taj64
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September 30, 2010
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well you need to know if the other woman is interested in you and you did not mention if she wanted to work it out. Maybe you think grass is greener on the other side. I'd be careful at making promises to the one you are with now and is it not right to string along unless she is ok with it. Maybe you attracted to unavaible people. I know I have a problem with that and for now I stay alone and work on myself. There is a reason it did not work with the first woman and you need to remember that part. I'd keep your distance from that and then see what happens. Maybe you just don't have strong enough feelings for the second lady in your life. A lot depends on what both of their feelings are about this.

April 15, 2007
8:25 pm
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fantas
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Hi Dlillico, from where I stand I think it is somewhat codependent. I am the same way. I find that I try to maintain a relationship with those who are distant and who can't give me the love that I want. Like taj40, I have chosed for about 4 years to not engage in a relationship. The pain was too much and the process purely exhausting. I now find myself attracted to someone who has the tendencies to be distant and I am all caught up emotionally. Although I recognize my tendency, I have and am trying really hard not to engage in this relationship, I see that my codependency tendecies are still at work. Perhaps you can take the time to not be with either woman and just watch yourself grow through the process. By the way, I don't think age has anything to do with it. I think these tendencies are masking our fears of being loved and loving that were planted there by our experiences. Only when we work on them can we begin to be free of them. Thank you for sharing.Reading your experience has made me know that I am not alone

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