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IS THERE NO HOPE? Anyone watch Oprah today about cheating men???
May 5, 2005
4:52 pm
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RUDE GIRL
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If your reading this, I assume you watched. It was about cheating husbands. One of the men said, "All men cheat.99.999% do. The ones that deny it are lying" Surely this is not true. Any men care to reply??? R.G.

May 5, 2005
4:55 pm
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gingerleigh
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No, not all men cheat, nor do all women. A significant portion of both sexes do. But it is not hopeless.

And this coming from a confessed cheater. There is hope!

May 5, 2005
4:58 pm
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RUDE GIRL
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I feel that way also. I WAS a cheater. I had an affair with a married man for 3 years. I didn't know he was married for the first 2. I felt awful while watching that.

May 5, 2005
5:22 pm
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glittered when he walked
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No. Not all men cheat. Sure many do. Yes, many many husbands have looked at other women with desire, but have done the right thing an not pursued it.

I've been on both sides of the cheating fence. My advice comes from a good friends father "you'll never regret doing the right thing." That being said. Infidelities are not always the marriage killers that some think they are. many couples who have cheated stay together and work things out. Good for them I say.

i can't spend my life worrying about my mate's loyalty. either she will be faithful to me or she won't - i can't control that so i don't worry about it.

May 5, 2005
6:22 pm
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EJ_Alfred
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That's a really big percentage of men! I agree with Glittered. Not all men do.

I'm not sure what they were counting as cheating...the actual sex, or just thinking about it? Or did they count getting a drink as well?

May 5, 2005
7:05 pm
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Courage4
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It seems like cheating is the way things are these days, I'm a man and have been cheated on and never cheated on a girlfriend. I think men get a bad rap about cheating, women do it just as much.

May 5, 2005
7:12 pm
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Foggy1
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That man may only hang around other cheaters or perhaps it makes him feel better about himself if he believes that 99% of men cheat.

Those numbers are way off and I don't think there's a difference between men and women who cheat. If there is, its not by much.

I know men who don't cheat, matter of fact I don't think I know any who do cheat. I personally would never consider it.

Sometimes those shows sensationalize(sp) things. There are loyal men out there.
Foggy

May 5, 2005
8:50 pm
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Deena
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I believe it's just generally in the nature of men to cheat. Even the really good guys stray. I guess the grass always seems greener on the other side. Or it's more of a game to see how much they can get away with....And women are generally more forgiving. I was always told "once a cheater always a cheater"????? Is that true?

May 5, 2005
9:35 pm
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sdesigns
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I've heard the grass is always greener on the other side because it gets fertilized more often. For awhile.

May 5, 2005
11:13 pm
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chickyfighter
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I have to say that I think most people (men and women) do cheat, if given the right person, right opportunity...I think all one can do is be the .01% and raise your head up high b/c you do carry yourself w/much integrity and respect yourself enough to be loyal to yourself.

May 6, 2005
8:26 am
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artist 2
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First of all, Oprah--get a life!!! Terrorizing the population with tales of cheaters is a sure way to raise your viewer ratings.

Secondly, yes people do cheat. Men and women. But, trust is the ultimate bond in a relationship. If you choose to do this 100%, you choose to take the risk. If your mate is good enough for you, they will not take this trust for granted.

If they cheat, then you know all the more about them, and the characteristics of cheaters.

May 6, 2005
9:35 am
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Anonymous
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Interesting...I can 100% say for sure that neither one of my husbands cheated and thats the truth. I divorced them, neither has ever dated again nor remarried but I know lots of people who do cheat, men and women alike. Pretty sad...If I caught my mate cheating, that would be the end of it period!If I let him live, haha J/K

Sunny

May 6, 2005
9:53 am
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Worried_Dad
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My response to this thread has some sexual references. If you care what I think, see me in the Liberation Brew section of this site.

May 6, 2005
10:10 am
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Deena
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that's pretty true sdesigns!

May 6, 2005
10:15 am
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sewunique
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Isn't that a pretty grey area, WD? I thought this thread was quite tame. How far must a thread be before it to be considered Libs material?

Just wondering

May 6, 2005
10:33 am
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CAMER
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how do we really know how many cheat??? you can take a statistic, but how many people "lie" on the statistics, too.....it was said that
60% of the men and 45% of the women cheat on there spouses....but who is to say that this is even true.

I know in the past i have cheated, but never would anymore...I cheated cuz i wasn't getting what i needed from my lover and got it from someone else. Now i would just end a relationship instead of cheating, its not worth it and its deceiving.

May 6, 2005
10:41 am
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sewunique
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Good point, Aces. We all know statistics can be skewed as well.

Besides, if you cheat, you are lying. Who is to say that cheaters do not lie when asked if they cheat for the polls? In teresting.

Also, if men cheat big time, more than women, who are they cheating with? Single women? Wow, being a single woman must have it's advantages of having many men around. Really? Not. At least not good, kind, intelligent ones that I have found!

May 6, 2005
10:43 am
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sewunique
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OOOppps, sorry, Camer, it was you who said that, not Aces. Just having many of you here on my mind today.

May 6, 2005
1:41 pm
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glittered when he walked
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Deena,

I don't subscribe to the theory of "Once a cheater, always a cheater" Such a theory would have you believe that people are incapable of modifying their behavior. and that's BS.

I've been a cheater and have been cheated on. I will never cheat again on a wife or with a married woman. It's been 8 years since I transgressed. Have I been tempted, yes..did I successfully resist in that time. yes.

I learned from my mistakes. we all can.

May 6, 2005
1:59 pm
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Deena
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oh..I agree. I guess I may be a little bitter at the moment. My apologies. You are right- everyone has the ability to change. I don't see it very often though.
You can't really say that you would never cheat again...you don't really know that, do you...honestly? If the opportunity arrises I think most will.

May 6, 2005
2:10 pm
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glittered when he walked
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No deena I don't know my future any better than anyone else..be it the pope or the most faithful wife in the universe.

But I do have a conviction that I will do my best not to be unfaithful to a wife or sleep with a marrued woman gain. That's all I can do. I may say never, but only because that is my honest intent.

BTW - No need to apologize.

I'm sorry that someone hurt you. I have good news - it gets better : ) hang in there.

May 6, 2005
3:03 pm
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EJ_Alfred
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Once again I'm with Glittered. Doing something once does not guarantee that you will do it again. And the biggest issue I have with that statistic is how biased it is. Being a man does not mean that I'll cheat. Each person makes their own decisions, and that's what decides who cheats and who doesn't.

May 6, 2005
3:24 pm
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Anonymous
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Ditto that, EJ...It's a choice, just like everything...

Sunny

May 6, 2005
7:03 pm
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Ardeth
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I didn't watch the show, but I had to read the thread because my husband of 4 years cheated on me on the last year for like 5 months. I try to understand him and his motives. Like someone said, if the spouse is not happy and might look for some humpy humpy somewhere else. Now, he says he always loved and and still do even we decided to split. I know that we as a couple stopped having intimacy because of many factors, miscarriage, very bad economic problems, I was soo depressed and stressed, overweight and didn't really want to try to put myself attractive..I know that after soo long of this, any person (maybe even me included) would have looked somewhere else. (this depression went for almost two years..) Not that I am excusing him, because I split because of it. I do have to give him credit, he did confess. Although, I didn't look anywhere else.

Cheating is such bad way of expressing unhappiness in a relationship..and at the end it hurts everyone and accomplish only an hour of physical gratitude. I was soo hurt, what a betrayl.

Can a marriage still go on happily after a husband cheats?? Now, that is the bigger question...

May 6, 2005
7:29 pm
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Foggy1
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Hi Ardeth,

"In sickness and in health"

Thats what marriage is supposed to be about. I have a different take, maybe I'm old fashioned.

You were depressed, had health and financial problems. That made you feel unattractive and unavailable in an intimate way.

I don't see how it should be acceptable for a spouse to look elsewhere because his partner isn't satisfying one need, especially since he confesses love.

He could have done something to help you more or he could have done it solo. But he didn't have to hurt you further.

Sorry this happened,
Foggy

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