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is my mother wrong
October 14, 2004
1:15 pm
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pudding
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I had a boyfriend who was really special but after we dated a while he started being jealous of all my friends and acted terrible when they were around . then he begin to yell all the time at me then we broke up . then he was sweet again then he broke up with me again. I couldnt get him off my mind I sneek to see him I yell at my mom because she doesnt understand how much I love him . But she wont let me date or see him any more she says I am co depentant of him Because When I start to have fun without him he tells me he hates me and . I know he loves me and I want to be with him I am 16 . tell me something to prove to my mom she is wrong I not codepent

October 14, 2004
1:53 pm
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kathygy
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I'm sorry but I agree with your mother on this one. This boy sounds abusive when he yells at you. Its not right for him to get jealous of you having other friends. He doesn't sound very healthy. If you love an unhealthy boy and keep going back to him you are being codependent. Stay away from this boy. He is not good for you.

October 14, 2004
1:55 pm
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Cristine
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Pudding, I know at 16 it's so hard to understand relationships. But, about your mom not understanding... remember that SHE too was 16 at one time. That just because we are adults does NOT mean that we haven't all been where you are at one time. the difference is that we have lived THROUGH it and can look back on what we learned. Some of us just continue to make the same mistakes again and again... Any man who acts jealous and rotten and possessive is not a man you want to continue to deal with. Love doesn't mean that the person you are with has the permission to treat you, your friends, or anyone else poorly and do it because they say they love you. Hun, there will be so many more men in your life. Don't hold on to someone so tightly at your age. Date, have fun, don't strap yourself to someone because they say the right things sometimes and make you feel good sometimes... sometimes just isn't enough. Anyone who loved you would also give you the understanding and space you needed to become who you are in the process of becoming. At 16, you are merely a shadow of who you will be at 18, 25, 30.... Someone who respects and appreciates you and trusts you doesn't have an issue with you hanging out with your friends, and won't yell at you like a child because of jealousy. Be strong in this and think of who you want to BE, not who you want to be WITH at this age. As you grow, your ideas about love and life and who you want to be with will also change. I have a 12 year old daughter that thinks I'm pretty clueless too, and tells me as much quite often. But, since I HAVE been where she is, and have lived through the years that she's just now facing, I would be a bad mom if I didn't try to give her a bit of advice based on the wisdom I've gathered after having lived through those years already. Your mom seems to love you and thinks that this guy isn't treating you right. Take that as a compliment and take that to mean that she considers you to be so valuable that she wants only the best for you. I know that is hard to understand when your heart and hormones are all over the board. If it wasn't you though, if you had a FRIEND who had a boyfriend who treated HER like he treats YOU... what would you tell your friend?

October 14, 2004
2:08 pm
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Cici
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I'm going to have to agree with your mom on this issue.

October 14, 2004
5:33 pm
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Anonymous
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DITTO....You have your whole life ahead of you. Wise choices now will be the foundation for what you make of that life.

Best,

Sunny

October 14, 2004
7:55 pm
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Emperorsclothes
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Until you figure out WHY you ache to be with a man who mistreats you, you will repeat these types of relationships, you are young.

People will tell you to stay away from this man, but there is something that calls to be with him, and i can tell you, it isnt love

October 14, 2004
10:39 pm
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FoolMeThrice
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September 29, 2010
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No your mother is not wrong!

Stop the pattern now, while you are young. You deserve to be treated with respect. Accept nothing less.

And treat *yourself* with respect. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will either.

October 15, 2004
8:18 am
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mamacinnamon
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Pudding, these are the beginning sign of someone you don't want to get involved. with. I am an old person now, but let me please share with you what happened when I was 16.

When I was 16 I met a guy 17. Fell in love with him. He treated me really well and we dated for 2 years and got married. My folks liked him too. I was naive and didn't know there were signs to watch for.

He got rid of my friends one by one, he started playful fighting w/ me. We'd fight, then make love (have sex) to make up for the fight. Then he started telling me how I could better myself, change this, do that. Then he started telling me HE was all I would ever neeed and would back it up by telling me of bad situations, etc.
We married. Within 6 months none of my friends would come around. He moved me away from my parents and then the abuse really started. The emotional roller coaster, a slam next to my head which turned into other things. By the age of 21 I was ready to kill myself just to get away from him. I was afraid to leave coz he would kill me. We were married 12 years till he was ready to throw me away and start on someone else.

I'm not trying to scare you and I know you have probably rolled your eyes a few times and thought "not me". Been there; done that too.

Just words of caution from someone who has been there. I truly wish I had a mom that would have watched out for me.

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