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Is My Marriage Doomed?
October 18, 2001
10:21 pm
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Aaron
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September 24, 2010
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I have been seeing this woman for a while and we've fallen deep in love. But, we both have the same problem, we stuggle with our emotional stability. Mine stems from being abused physically, sexually, and emotionally during various times in my life. HErs stems from being abused physically and emotionally by past lovers. Not to mention that they have left her alone to raise 2 children. Anyway, we've been contemplating marriage and we even went and picked out the ring. Now, I know she's ready for the proposal and I know I'm ready to propose B U T there is 1 big problem. I am just a little reluctant at the present time to propose because of our emotional instability. I feel like I don't wanna bring my problems into our marriage and I don't want her to do the same. Then, we will doom the marriage b4 we even start. Now trust me, I've been around and I know for sure that she is the only one for me. No one else will do, but how do we deal with our insecurities? I'm in counseling trying to find this out. If u can help me, please do I need it.

October 19, 2001
12:14 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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If you think it might be doomed, then it will be. Thoughts are things, and sometimes we language our future that way. if you are in counseling, and she is stay with it for a while, I would also look into pre marriage counseling there are several programs, that may help to identify any issue that the both of you have not thought about. I have a friend who met a woman in a coda meeting they are both severly codependent, and its the most perfect marriage I have seen in a long time, Your issues seem similar It could work the same for you, but what is the rush, think positive thoughts and work with your coundelor.

October 19, 2001
12:42 pm
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Cici
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September 24, 2010
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Both people need to be working toward achieving the goal of learning to unconditionally love and accept yourself. Touchy-feely, huh? True.

I recently got married, ignoring our pre-existing issues. We love each other completely and that is our strength. But it would have been a hell of a lot easier to get through the first four agonziningly painful months if we had been honest with ourselves from the beginning about working on our own issues.

Relationship issues come from the interaction of individual issues. If you feel good and balanced about yourself, you will naturally be gravitated towards that kind of relationship.

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