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Is My GAY brother ready?
December 7, 2005
2:04 pm
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titanica
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My brother came out of the closet 1 1/2 years ago (Good for HIM!!!) but he is married and has 2 kids. His wife knows but she isn't ready to move out. Anyway, he started dating this man 3 months ago. He really likes him but has to deal with alot of crap at home. He asked for my advice and I told him to stop seeing this guy till his wife moves out. Not because I don't like this guy, he actually very nice and has a good head on his shoulders, but because he needs to finish one thing before moving on to something else. My brother told me he rally enjoys this guy. He makes him feel special.

Any advice!

December 7, 2005
2:06 pm
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Anonymous
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Tell him that if he doesn't quit it, he could jeopardize his divorce and child support proceedings.

Laws vary state by state, but if he is "cheating" on her, she may be entitled to more - and it may be uglier in court.

Tell him to move out - let the wife stay if she isn't ready to move herself - would probably be best for the kids not to move anyway.

but you are absolutely right about finishing one before starting the other.

December 7, 2005
2:09 pm
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kathygy
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Why doesn't your brother just move out?
Why does he have to wait for his wife to move out?

I agree that he needs to finish one thing before he starts another because right now he is very vulnerable to this other man and that makes it hard to be objective.

There are no guarentees that after your brother is single this other guy will still be there.

However, all you can do is tell him what you think about his situation but you have no control over his choices. Just tell him what you think and release the outcome.

December 7, 2005
2:14 pm
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titanica
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Always thankful for imput! Oh I forgot this guy is also going thru a divorce with his wife, no kids though. It sounds really crazy but they seem happy. I want to tell my brother to cool it off for a while with this guy. I want him to be happy.

Loving Sister!

December 7, 2005
2:21 pm
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caraway
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Your brother is probably on a path that you can't understand. When you have suppressed who you are for fear of rejection by your loved ones and finally get a taste of "freedom" and open honest living; it is hard to take it slow.

In my experience (I am a Gay man) I have seen many friends go through this and believe that their wives, who have known all along, would support them. In reality, when the wife finally accepts that he is leaving she usually FREAKS OUT and trys anything to get him to stay. When that fails she will want to get even.

Ali and Kathy are right.... he needs to finish one thing before beginning another. We all know that, straight or gay, we should take time to gain our composure before entering into another relationship soon after ending one.

The good news is that he will live! He is a lucky man to have a supportive sister (I know that I love both of mine).

Cary

December 7, 2005
3:37 pm
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titanica
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Cary-

Were you ever married? Yes his wife is being evil and I am trying not to get into it. My brother is finally so happy.

December 8, 2005
12:22 am
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lost and found
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an affair is an affair, no matter who with. how would u expect the wife to act? your brother should move out immediatley. he is living in the same house as his children now and not setting a very good example. (running around). he is also showing disrespect for his wife.

December 8, 2005
2:19 pm
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titanica
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I know that an affair is an affair (legally anyway) but what is he suppossed to do put his life on hold till she moves out. She has known for a year and a half. He can't bare being loney anymore. The only advice I have for him is to get the wife out as soon as possible. This new guy is patient and understands hid situation.

Loving sister wants to help!

December 8, 2005
7:21 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Well, if he is living with his wife and kids then technically he is having an affair. Of course his wife is pissed off.

December 9, 2005
10:34 am
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caraway
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Titanica,

Do you and your brother live in the same city? Could he move in with you for a time?

If your brother admits to seeing this guy..... he will be on losing end in the divorce. It would be so much better for everyone involved if he could move out, work out a amicable settlement with his wife, and then focus on this new relationship. This would be so much better for everyone involved, especially children.

I was married and did not have any children at the time. My wife admits that she really suspected it all along, but just hoped that it would "go away". I grew up in a small town with a conservative family and really just wanted to try and do what I was expected to. I think women are beautiful and enjoyed being with them in everyway. The stronger desire and comfort level was always with a man. I considered myself "bisexual" for awhile, but I have no doubt that I am more attracted to men. I think that my interest in women was more of a learned response and my interest in men is what has always been there.

I remember thinking, "I can't be gay, I play football, sleep with women, and don't like ice skating."

It is what it is!!

Cary

December 9, 2005
11:29 am
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lollipop3
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Hi Titanica,

I understand that you want to help your brother but in all honesty, HE has to help himself.

You can support him along the way but it is really up to him to decide what it is that he wants to do.

My suggestion would be not so much to "advise" him, but just to support him in whatever decisions he makes.

Lolli

December 27, 2005
10:20 pm
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stardj0
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you guys are just on the beginnig of a LONG LONG path that will be there the rest of your lives..when i told my sisters about me they supported me all the way and still do i came out of the closet at 19 and i am now 56 have dated some married men and have found it extreemly difficult..knowing that i was breaking up a family which made me sad and i thought to myself if he did this to his wife..it is possible that he wil do it to me in the future ..especially..knowing that he just came out.. and that it(gay life) is all still new to him and, im sure he doesnt want to get into another relationship(longterm) and boy was i right on most occasions...i think your brother should break it off, or at least NOT throw it in his wifes face and be there for his wife and move on with his life and move out..but yet be her best friend..and maybe down the road get a divorce..but yet get joint child custody of the kids..he needs to take her out to a bar or two and let her see that all gays arent alike..like the stereotypes most str8 people think we are..i wish you all the luck in the world and hope it all works out for him...by the way im 56 and single..in gay life being 56 is like being 100 in str8 life..oh well..maybe mr right will be there one day for me..stardj0..ps: i just hope that he doesnt get hooked up in all the drinking and drugs in the gay world..i am a dj in a few clubs and see that all the time...

December 31, 2005
9:17 am
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Matteo
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I don't understand one thing. Why your brother is expecting his wife to move out? He is the one who is having an affair. Why he is not moving out?

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