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is it "RAPE"????????
November 12, 2001
7:04 am
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drew
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hi i am in the uk , and a mother of 3 , please i hope that some one can help me as i think i am going mad, , my husband (who is only the father of my youngest) is in prison for raping my eldest daughter ! but i dont get it as how can it be "rape" when the doctor said she is still a virgin ??? the police wont let me see her statment and when i ask her about it she tells me to see her statment , i asked him and he said that if she said he did then who was he to argue !!! she needs help and maybe she will get it now !!! but i dont get it .

November 12, 2001
7:17 am
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janes
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How old is she....
Are you and your husband together...
Is she is counseling?
Are you?
What about the other kids?

Why does she need help?

I don't get it either.

November 12, 2001
1:34 pm
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drew
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she is 14 , and there was no penetration of any form ! she never did like him , most was that she wanted her father and i to get back together , and as he left me the chances of that were slim to start with , no none of us have been for counciling as there just dont seam to be any about , and as for his paper work on the case well they wont let me have this as the victom was my daughter .

i really dont know what to do for the best , the other two children want him home when he comes out of prison , as for me well........ i am stuck with this and dont know what to do with it .

yes .. i do understand about rape as i was my-self abused by my grand-father , and i really am finding it hard to understand what is happing with my daughter , and even more with what is happing with my husband .

there is recoreds kept over here but they are not pubcil .

i am just having a hard time trying to work out why and how he got "rape" when there was no penetration , i know there was none as i was with my daughter when she went to the doctor , and i asked before we left , and was told no penetration of any sort !!

please help me , it just goes round and round in my head and i cant sleep with this one thing .

i mean i am not saying that it is any less for her , just i want to understand why he got this , every thing that i have read states that for it to be "rape " then penetration must of taken place , and so as it has not , i am finding this hard to except .

help pleaseeeeeeeeee!!!!!

November 12, 2001
2:02 pm
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Ladeska
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She's still a minor. What do you mean you as her mother can't access her records? Something isn't right about this. Maybe it's okay in your country and that's the law, but I find it hard to believe. Your her mother and should be able to see anything that has to do with her welfare. What am I missing here?

November 12, 2001
2:43 pm
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artist 2
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What about a public lawyer or attorney? They should be able to explain what happened. As for the records to your daughter's health and her situation, why are the powers that be keeping you from seeing the facts? See what you can find our again. You should have access to your daughter's files. If someone is telling you don't have a right, you should find an attorney - but fast!

Sounds like someone here is not telling you the whole truth.

November 13, 2001
12:06 pm
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eve
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drew,
if it was my daughter I wouldn't care about words. If your husband did something to your daughter that was bad enough to get him into prison I wouldn't start by discussing technical details. There must have been some kind of abuse - I dan't imagine how your hubby would tell you that he is in prison for rape when this wouldn't have anything to do whith your daughter. I'd see to it that he keeps permanently away from your daughter and from your other kids. And you should try to get counseling for your daughter, she needs it. And then maybe you can relax enough to work on the relationship you have whith your daughter, perhaps come time she will be able to talk to you about it.

Please don't run the risk to ruin the relationship to your daughter by not believing that she was abused.
Eve

November 13, 2001
1:15 pm
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drew
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No ! was not at court , as it never went to triel , as he pleaded guilty !

i dont in any way shape or form think or beleave that my daughter was not abused , i beleave she was , but what does worrie me is her behaver now!! as she think's that that was "rape" ! what is it going to do to her when on one of her drug indused sessens with her so called friends , that it happens again and this time she is raped !!!

yes , i am supposed to have acces to all her records as umtill she is 16 -18 she is still under my care , but they keep making excuses for me not to be able to see her recored's ! as in i am speacking to the wrong person , or her recoreds are not in the building !!!

i have seen two diffreant sociceters and asked the same questain but as they cant get the record's eather they cant help me to ansewer this , i just seam to be going round and round in circles .

my daughter has a socile worker , whome is as helpfull as a wet , dirty , dish rag , but then what is new !! and when i try to talk to her about any thing and i do mean anything like when my daughter does not come home at night and when she does she is out of her head on some type of drug's i get told she is my daughters sociel worker and can not talk to me !! what do i do ????

i / we need help but no one will help !! and i really am scared that is this was not "rape "which it does not seam to be , then the way that she is going it wont be long , and if my daughter is this way with out "rape "just the thought of it what will a "rape "do to her ????

i want to keep her alive !!! i do all i can to keep her off the drug's and the drink , when i fail , and she get's out , i need help !! i know this , but if she was then to be "raped because of this ......well.................

November 13, 2001
6:37 pm
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gingerleigh
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Drew, I am not really understanding why you aren't more horrified about what *did* happen, penetration or not. If abuse did happen, your husband should be *exactly* where he is.

It's going to be really really hard for you to help your daughter, I have to be honest here. If the abuse was repeated and you were oblivious to it, she's not going to be real receptive to you wanting to help her now that it's too late, after the fact.

She's also drugging and drinking, according to you. It's really really hard to reason and reach out to someone who is in an altered state.

Is there anything like Alanon or Alateen in the UK?

Even with the help of these programs, an individual will not change unless they want to. Change is painful. The only way that she will change is when it is too painful for her to continue as she is.

My deepest sympathies go with you and your daughter. I hope that with the advice and support you are getting here and elsewhere that you will be able to work through this.

November 14, 2001
7:02 am
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janes
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Start looking as child abuse of any type as a form of rape....

Your daughters innocence was raped....

Keep trying to get those reocrds..and GO to the right spots to do it...

FIND a way to at least help yourself.

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