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Is it Midlife Crisis or Bipolar?
February 26, 2007
6:22 pm
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besweet
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I am a 49 yo woman who has had so much loss this past year.I had a very difficult job which ended after being there a year and turning everything around. My good friend- our Priest died;I started a new job;My husband of 25 years lost a promotion at work- they gave it to an outside person-a woman.This devastated him!He then turned 50 years old! was depressed and was very, very mean to me;He proceeded to tell me how bad I was and that he should never have married me in the first place.He picked me apart. My STBX told me he had feelings for another woman(a 13 yr younger coworker) he moved out of our home and bought a house: the week my mother died!!!!
This is a husband that is intelligent, was very caring, romantic,loving to me and our two daughters, very responsible; I thought we were best friends. We had so much fun together! We shared many good and challenging times together. We could always talk about anything with one another.
I did everything in my power to save our marriage.I let him go. I helped him move out. I helped him decorate his new house. Went to counseling, never said a mean word;we went to marriage counseling. The therapist thought "something wasn't right with my husband" I couldn't and still can't put my finger on it.It is like someone flipped a switch in him.His family has two members(sister & brother with bipolar). It is rather later in life to be diagnosed with bipolar.But could it be? I've never seen these tendencies before
We went on vacation as a family vacation right after he moved out. We had a good time! My daughter was taking some pictures of us-My STBX was giving me the finger! I had no idea until we got the pictures back! He had the most devilish look on his face.
I am sad. I cry everyday. I pray everyday.I tried to be friends and have him to dinner once a week but it was too confusing and upsetting. I have not talked with him in two months. It is better. Only email.
How devastating a year I had. I have decided to learn from this and make it a good opportunity instead of being a victim of it all. How much can a person take, however??
Do you think it is bipolar or a selfish midlife crisis?

February 27, 2007
2:18 am
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doubleloss
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hi besweet. gosh, you've had a rough year. i have no answer to your question. i know that we all look for reasons why people do what they do because if we know they are "sick" or something out of their control it would provide a logical explanation for behaviou that causes so much pain and destruction. I think it's easier to deal w/the pain when something outside the offender can be blamed for their behaviour. Only a professional could tell you if he's bipolar.I am very sorry for all your losses and will pray that you find the strenght you need to start rebuiliding your life.

February 27, 2007
4:12 am
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wannabe
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am sorry for your experience. I will pray for you.

February 27, 2007
9:49 pm
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besweet
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Thank you for your prayers! It means a lot to me. I believe we are here to teach and learn. Praying is important for faith to get us through to the next level. I feel God with His arm around me walking me down a new path. I am rather shocked but taking baby steps. There are no coincidences in life. This is where I should be right now.
This is an opportunity to grow. Maybe if it weren't so painful the lessons wouldn't be so great.WOW! Thinking positive rather than a victim. I've learned we each have choices...and we each must take responsibility for those choices-whether good or or not good.
Thank you again.
I feel so lonely at times.But I know I am not alone.
Besweet

March 4, 2007
10:20 pm
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besweet
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This is Besweet,
any further dialogue would be so beneficial. excellent! Life is GOOD!!
Thanks,
Besweet

March 11, 2007
3:30 pm
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mousey
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beseet,
I am so sorry about you and your husband. When your married that long you want to believe that you can always work things out. You didn't mention the ages of your daughters. Do you think they could possibly talk their father into seeing a doctor? Or possibly his family? If bipolar runs in the family I would think it might be possible that he could be suffering from it but obviously only a doctor can tell for sure. And no you are not alone. We are all pulling for you which ever direction you choose. I will pray for you and please keep us all posted.

March 11, 2007
9:00 pm
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besweet
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mousey,
My beautiful daughters are 13 and 16. My 16 yo id a Foreign Exchange student for a year in Germany. Good for her. She told me that I did not need a man to complete me.
Both my daughters feel that God has a plan for me. How smart are they????
This may not be bipolar but it certainly is a behavior that is not taking into account his daughters. I believe he is acting rather selfish.He is on his third woman in less than a year.
I just wish him well, happiness, and I hope he finds what he is looking for.I believe he is a very unhappy man. How sad is that?He has been to his doctor many times. He told his Dr. that he was thinking of leaving me Aug 2005. The Dr. according to my STBX told him he was a jerk!
He has been to 6 sessions of marriage counseling with me. The counselor stated that she thinks "something is not right with him" and that she just doesn't trust him. He also went to two other counselors. One counselor told him" it sounds as though you're living your life according to your wife!"
What is that? And she calls herself a professional.
So, I am going to move on in my own direction.We have no further communication whatsoever.
Sad.
Besweet

March 12, 2007
5:54 am
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nvr2late
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besweet...

do what you need to for yourself..and your daughters are very smart...we give them advice WE should take!
but being ingrained in our thoughts so much, that we feel we need someone else.

you have all you need...
the information that he is an idiot! 🙂
and selfish.

you, on the other hand, are loving, kind, respectful and a hero in your kids eyes.
the ex's will not have that!!!

all we can do is hope that our daughters are smarter than we are!!
or more reasonable.
may not always happen...but maybe they will just learn one of our lessons and will be spared such a heartache..

we can only hope!!

stay strong.

nvr

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