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is it me or codependency?
June 28, 2006
11:08 am
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thumkin
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Ill start by saying I am very insecure. My b/f does seasonal work and his season has come in. I know he is very busy for the next two and a half months b/c he has to make his living for the next year in that time. I didnt call him or vice versa yesterday during the day b/c I know how busy they are right now. So I figured I would wait till right before bedtime to talk to him. He still never called so about 900 I texted him. No reply, 930 I texted again and he said they were about 20 minutes from home. I texted again 30 minutes later to see if they were home and he finally called. All he said was he just got home had to do this and that, I will call you as soon as I get a shower and something to eat. He never called back. Its so not like him to do that. He is generally a very considerate person. Im not sure if there has been a day go by that we have not talked on the phone before going to bed since we met besides one week where we werent talking and then we were texting. So in my insecure little mind all kinds of scenes are playing out and its the beginning of the end. I wouldnt freak but its just so out of the ordinary. I feel like calling him an ass. Is it me or my insecurities and how do I convince myself not to freak out. I am not going to call or text him today, I may not even answer his call. Maybe he can worry and miss me tonight. I know thats so spiteful and childish but thats how I act sometimes when I get scared.

June 28, 2006
11:33 am
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atalose
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It sounds to me like he came home, did his things, took a shower and fell asleep. I am sure he will call you tonight. I think we tend to freak them out when we over react, I would wait to hear his explanation before getting yourself so upset.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 28, 2006
11:36 am
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lollipop3
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Hi Thumpkin,

More than likely he fell asleep.

I understand all too well how you feel. I have spent many, many nights feeling alone and unimportant while my b/f (ex) works his life away.

Having said that...you mentioned that ordinarily he is very considerate and that his "busy" time ua only for the next 2 months (as opposed to mine which is 24/7, 365)

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, because my intention is not to hurt your feelings but if everything else is good.....this sounds like an issue with you...not with him.

I would suggest taking some time to focus on yourself. Perhaps you could do a little reading on codependency and see if you can relate to anything. Another suggestion would be for the next two months or so....find something to occupy your time such as taking a class, going out with friends and family, or do some projects around you house.

Try to keep the focus on you.

I hope this helped.

Lolli

June 28, 2006
12:04 pm
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thumkin
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Oh I know that the biggest part of it was me overreacting. I just get so freaked because of all my past relationships which isnt fair to him because he isnt like the men in my past except to say he has a drinking problem. I have read up on co-dependency till my eyes swim and I try so hard to control myself. My therapist when I was seeing one used to tell me to analyze is to parlyze. That doesnt help when I get this way. He did say he would try to call me today during the day if he didnt get to tied up. Im just being selfish because my job is the kind where I sit at a desk and dont stay too awful busy.

June 28, 2006
12:12 pm
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lollipop3
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Thumpkin,

I wouldn't say you are being selfish but you are being reactive to fear.

I noticed you say that he has a drinking problem? Have you thought about attending Alanon? In case you don't know Alanon is a free support group for friends and families of alcoholics based on the 12 Steps of AA and is available in most communities.

It is a wonderful place to go for wisdom, support, and encouragement and helps to give you the tools to deal with your insecurities. It also helps to teach you the concepts of detachment, boundary setting and keeping the focus on yourself.

June 28, 2006
2:53 pm
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thumkin
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my therapist also recommended alanon. I even gathered up the courage to go one night and it happened to be the only night that week that they were not meeting. I have a super big problem with walking into a room where I dont know anyone. College was so hard for me every semester. The first couple of classes walking into the classroom was almost unbearable. I dont know why I have so much trouble with it. Its like a phobia I have. He was even supportive of me going. Its just me having a problem. Like if I dont know anybody I have this phobia, or if I do know somebody I dont want them to know how screwed up I am.

June 28, 2006
5:14 pm
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nappy
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My ex-boyfriend was like the way that you are talking about yourself. I guess that was a part of us not really getting back together again.
We didn't live together and we both had jobs. He would wait until I call him before he would call me. Sometimes I would call him a leave a message on his phone and he still wouldn't call me back or even to say that he got the message. The only time that I would hear from him is when he wanted sex. Then after that he would call trying to be all sweet until he start changing again. He would even count the days that he wouldn't hear from me but would complain that it has been several days before we seen each other. But was to stupid to pick up the phone to call me. He would call me at work, but I am at work. I would talk briefly for a moment. I understand that if he was tired when he got home he wanted to rest but let me say I am tired, I have committed a sin. I guess his action push me futher away from him.

June 28, 2006
5:53 pm
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thumkin
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I dont complain to him. I just get nervous feelings on the inside so afraid that he is done with me. He is almost as insecure as I am too. But I dont call him very often because I dont want to appear to needy or clingy. I guess we are both so messed up we are perfect for eachother. I understand him so well because I am the same way as he is, but I dont think he understands himself well enough to understand me. Make any sense?

June 30, 2006
10:53 am
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thumkin
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Yesterday was even worse. He called earlier in the day and said he was gonna try to get done early so he could make it to his daughters softball game. I didnt hear from him again all day no biggie, I figure hes working hard. I get off early and decide to drive over there thinking if he get to go to the game I will go with him. I texted him, and called him to see if he was going to make it. Never answered or replied. I get to his house and start freaking out. His silk boxers are out, was somebody else here last night. These thoughts are going through my head. All evening till 10:30 I am thinking crazy thoughts and still no word from him. What I dont understand is why would I do that? He has never lied to me. Why I am going crazy like this? Thinking the worst of him when I have no reason too? His battery on his phone went dead, thats why there was no reply. He went to the game. I would have never thought anything different a month ago. What is going on with me?

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