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Is it always better to have loved and lost?
September 28, 2000
11:08 am
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mooncake
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Hi All,

I'm in my twenties and never have I felt so persistent and strong towards a girl before, especially when she's already attached. I met her more than a year ago. She's a colleague of mine. The first time I met her, I've already felt something special about her. It was in a calm early dawn hours of one fine morning, while I was looking out at the calm sea with glittering stars all over the sky, that I felt this special feeling in me. I closed my eyes and all I can feel of is her. I knew it may be just a feeling, a mere crush that happened now and then. However, it proved me wrong as I get to know her, I begin to find her attractive, not only physically, but character wise. She gave me inspiration by just being herself. I'm not a very handicraft person, but I learnt and made a key chain for her out of sea-shells. I'm not a very artistic person, but I drew her a Calvin N Hobbes comic to cheer her up when she was down with virus. Sometimes, I do not know how I did that. I just got the inspiration to do it and everytime I feel it, I can just sit down for hours and my creativity just pours out.
Each day before her birthday, I gave her one rose with a little paper carving tied to it. Each little paper carving has one letter of her name on it. I did for 6 days which made up the 6 letters of her name. On the last day which was her birthday, I wrote her a poem; me being not poetic, it was just a simple but special poem.
Everything was so well on my side. Each time I see her, my heart smiled inside. I feel so happy, but sadly, I really do not know if I should feel that way. She's already attached. I found this out long ago before I started being attracted to her. I am a person who would never go after a girl who's attached, but it beats me why this is not the case with her!
She was attached 3 years ago when she was still in university. Sometimes I feel that her boyfriend takes her for granted. He never gave her the support when she most wanted it. I on the other hand was in pain when I see her down. I always try my best to help her and most often, I go out of my norm just for her. I'm not sure if she realises this. I have so much in my mind that I want to do with her...ultimately, I would want her to be happy. Too bad..it's just a fantasy...something that would never happen. I always feel hurt when reality bites. She doesn't feel the same for me. She has someone else already.
I did confess to her before and she told me that she has already made her choice 3 years ago, and it's against her principle to leave her boyfriend and go out with another guy. She's committed and probably she has found true love. I feel very unfair that I am not given a chance. I don't mind if I failed, but at least I really hope to be given a chance. I always think that the world is so unfair...why didn't I meet her 3 years ago?? At least, I would have a fair competition.
I tried to forget her and I thought I did after giving myself time for a few months. However, I was wrong. Deep in me, I'm still holding that tint of hope..for the sake of love.
I do not know whether I'm doing the right thing. Maybe I'm being stupid to keep holding on. All I want is to be given a chance...but I was denied of it.
People say that it is better to have loved and lost... however the most painful part is to have loved and not loved in return.

September 28, 2000
6:30 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Oh, you romantic, how so many women would love to have you. There is some one out there that will appreciate what you offer, heal and be patient, and learn your lessons, I am sorry for your pain. Yes it is better to love, you have experienced a feeling that many never get .

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