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Is he sending mixed signals or am I an idiot?
January 4, 2006
3:46 pm
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altabionda
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My ex and I broke up about 8 mnts ago, I begged him not to go and that I wouldn't pick fights with him anymore. I was always testing his love, kicking him out, etc. and over really silly crap. He was faithful and honest and I know he truely loved me but I pushed him away with my erratic behavior. Well I moved on and met someone else a few months later. Me and the ex met to have a friendly cocktail one night. I told him about the new guy and he said it was hard for him to hear and that he still loved me very much. The new guy ended up moving. Well, to make a very long story short, the X and I continue to meet for drinks and hook up. He is so loving and affectionate when we are together calling me our old pet names, telling me that he misses my kisses and that he is still attracted to me on so many levels and it's like we are still together the times that we are meeting/hooking up...then the minute I bring up working on getting back together he switches moods and clams up or says, that's not what I want. We recently hooked up on NYE and he stayed over until late into the next day laying around and cuddling. I mean it's been almost a year. He's a very good looking and friendly guy, he can get sex anywhere. I feel he still loves me but he refuses to try again. Why does he still keep coming around almost a year later? Is there any hope to get him back?

January 4, 2006
3:52 pm
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Lostrose
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I don't know if he is giving mixed signals or not. Maybe he is scared to try again cause he's afraid you will push him away again. I did the same thing to my last boyfriend & right now we are trying to be friends. If you really want him back prove to yourself YOU have changed & if it was meant to be he will see that. Take it one day at a time. I know it's hard, good luck.

January 4, 2006
3:56 pm
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CAMER
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maybe he is taking things at a much slower pace now....why not enjoy the company you have with him, and if its really meant to be things will improve with you both.

After being hurt in the past, he most likely wants to take things slow with his heart.

January 4, 2006
4:00 pm
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altabionda
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Thanks LostRose.
How's the friend thing working for you and your EX. Did you push him away the way I did? I suggested that to him as a New Year's resolution and he said sure, then I started asking about working things out and he said I thought you wanted to be friends. I said actually I want more and he said you need to get a boyfriend and that's how we can be friends, I said that won't work b'c we are very attracted to each other. He agreed.
He hurt his hand when we broke up. I pissed him off so bad that he lost it and punched the wall. I never knew how to stop, I would push him and push him (not physically). And he had never hit anything before. Well he held his hand up to me on the day after NYE and re-showed me the damage on his hand and said 'now do you understand why I don't want to get back with you?' I think he is still angry at me for a lot of things I did but I don't know if he will ever come around either.

January 4, 2006
4:01 pm
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altabionda
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Thanks Camer.
Most of our hanging out is in bed. a few times it's for drinks - but per my suggestion. There has only been once since we broke up that he asked me out to a show and drinks.

January 4, 2006
4:03 pm
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gayle
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I agree. There is no rush, he is with you, you are enjoying eachother. Take your time and see waht happens. We as women label things and want it to be explained or talked out when sometimes if we are just patient everything will be explained with out us even asking

January 4, 2006
4:06 pm
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altabionda
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Maybe he is just keeping me on the burner for sex until he meets someone else. he's not doing well financially right now so maybe he can't afford to date and I'm a sure thing without having to spend money.

January 4, 2006
4:12 pm
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gayle
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Well, whatever you choose make sure that your needs are being met. Sometimes you need to be alone and if you find the right person and it is healthy then it is something to look closer into. Do you spend alot of time together, does he stay the night at your place? Do you stay the night at his? Do you go out with other couples? Just curious...

January 4, 2006
4:21 pm
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altabionda
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Thank YOu Gayle.
No, we meet up once a week but sometime two will go by. It's usually me initating it.
He stays at my place b'c I live in the city by myself and he lives outside the city and with roommates.
After this last stay over, I invited myself out with him and his friends and he said sure! While we were out he was very affectionate again with his arms around me BUT he is an affectionate guy. When we dated he would always kiss my friends on the forehead as a friendly gesture. When his friends and I parted at the end of the night, we kissed goodb-bye and I said will you think about what I said earlier and he said "yeah, I'll think about it but i think it said more to shut me up so he could go on his way. I dated him for a year and a half and a year of that we lived together and I can't figure out what he is thinking.

January 4, 2006
4:37 pm
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Lostrose
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altabionda, So far trying to be friends is ok, only cause he's been out of town since Thanksgiving. Once he comes back i already decdided I wasn't going to make love, kiss, or touch until we are both wanting to try a relationship together. You see he was a drug addict and has been staying clean. When things didn't go my way I was at a loss on what to do & I would tell him to leave. Then I would calm down & ask him to come back. We both had problems & we have admitted to each other that this separation has done us both good. I can only take it one day at a time & work on myself & not worry about what he is doing. I never realized I was codependent until Thanksgiving day when he asked me, "Why do you push me away & then want me back". That's when I sat down & started writing things down I needed to fix about myself instead of trying to fix his problems.

We both have come a long way & I would love to be back with the NEW him & the NEW me. But I have to give myself time to feel better about myself and with him being miles away it has helped.

I hope some of what I have said helps you. 🙂

January 4, 2006
4:39 pm
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gayle
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If you are the only one initiating contact then maybe you should pull back a little and see if HE calls you. Asks if you want to go out or if he can come over. There should be some kind of balance. It should not be just you keeping up the relationship. ya know what I mean?

January 4, 2006
5:16 pm
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altabionda
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Thank you LostRose, I appreaciate you sharing with me, I have to log off for now. Good luck to you!!

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