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Is distressed to pushy for a possible narsassis?
October 14, 2008
10:51 am
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distressed
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I have a questionably narsassitic boyfriend that lives an hour away. He talks about moving to my town in about 6 months. I feel like he needs to come around a little more before he moves up here to see how the dynamic will work with my boys, 7 and 9, and my family who questions if he is right for me. We see each other every weekend and take turns of who goes where. He does not see my boys that often, maybe twice a month. I am even unsure if staying in the relationship is healthy for me. He always has a good excuse for why he doesnt come up in the week. He goes to work early through the week, gas and its unstability, he says its unpractical. I understand all of that but if he wants to move up here in 6 months and our relationship is as unstable as it is, am I asking for too much? He says I bully him about this stuff and I am to pushy. Am I? I feel like if he wants this to work he needs to put forth more of an effort to establish a relationship with my boys and my family. He says I am to needy and insecure. Am I asking for too much?

October 14, 2008
11:04 am
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soofoo
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Why do you think he is narcissistic? What do you mean by narcissist?

October 14, 2008
11:07 am
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Longshot
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Hi Distressed,

No, you are not asking too much.

I also have 2 sons, and want to encourage you to continue in your request for him to have a relationship with your sons. My husband does not at all have a relationship with mine, and it's heart wrenching...we have been married 3 years, and I wish I would have never married him. He does not even give them cards for their birthday, or christmas. He never asks me how they are, what they are doing, or anything... He is only concerned with being a "biker", riding his Harley, and how I fit into his world.

I share all this "junk" to say to you, he's got it backwards. As a Narcissist, he's the one who's needy and insecure, not you. In my opinion, you are not pushy. You are simply standing up for yourself, and for your sons.

Wishing you the best:)

((Distressed))

October 14, 2008
11:11 am
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distressed
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He is very self centered! He manipulates things to make everything be prpjected on me. I dont believe he is a full blown narcissist but he has some characteristics of one. Everything is about him. He is 37, never married, no children. There is nothing wrong with being independent and putting yourself first at times, but he does it to the point thats its unhealthy and almost abusive.

October 14, 2008
11:14 am
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Longshot
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My husband has no children either.

And even if he is not a clinical "Narcissist", at the very least, his self centeredness and controlling behaviour will be heart breaking to you, as you continually compromise to his way. I'm sure his arguments of why he does or does not do something are very convincing. And, by the time he's said what he has to say, it leaves you feeling like he's right, and how could you have even thought anything different.

October 14, 2008
11:40 am
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distressed
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Thank you longshot. Your view is very helpful!

October 14, 2008
11:47 am
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Longshot
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You're very welcome:)

I send many hugs to you. When you love someone as I love my husband, and you love your boyfriend...it's a difficult and somewhat long journey...

Keep talking when you want... regardless of how long your journey is... :):)

((((Distressed))))

October 14, 2008
12:23 pm
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soofoo
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distressed,
I don't see how you are bullying him or being pushy. It seems more like he is being pushy. He wants to move closer to you and you are not yet sure how you feel about him.

Take your time to discern how you truly feel about this man. Try to be sure that you are acting on your own feelings and instincts. Ask your family to keep their opinions to themselves for a little while so that you can be sure you are listening to your own voice. You may need to take a break from your boyfriend too, to help you do this.

It might help to write it down. Write down the positives and negatives of the relationship. Really indulge yourself in having your own opinion.

October 14, 2008
12:34 pm
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distressed
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Thank you soofoo and all who reply! This site has been helpful to me the past few weeks.

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