Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Is attraction mutual?
October 2, 2001
6:32 pm
Avatar
wallace
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was wondering, when you are attracted to someone, are they feeling it too? If you have strong feelings for someone, is it because they generally feel the same way, even if they don't show it? Any thoughts?

October 2, 2001
7:12 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The only way to know is to ask. We hear what we want to hear, see what we want to see, and often create things in our heads to support what we think we know and see. Behavior like this can be easily misunderstood, depending on the giver and receiver, some quiet people who show little or no emotions, feel real deep. Get to know who you are attracted to , and you will have a better idea of what you think you see and feel, and if not then you have stregnthened the time and involvement enough to pop the question.

October 2, 2001
11:29 pm
Avatar
damaged
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly could you talk more about quiet people who show little or no emotions, feel real deep. I wonder if I fit with this statment?

October 3, 2001
3:18 am
Avatar
wallace
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly, So how do you know if someone is leading you on? I know from bitter experience that there are people out there who get wind that you have feelings for them and then lead you on because it is a great ego boost for them. How do we protect ourselves from them?

October 3, 2001
2:29 pm
Avatar
pill
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Letting the person know how you feel is good - whether or not they share the feeling. It can be risky, but a release because you get it out on the table, so to speak. the more it stays locked up inside, the bigger it seems to get.

You might consider if you are currently working through some personal things... your attraction could be a sign of projection or codependency... just something to consider.

October 3, 2001
3:02 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wallace, there are lots of users out there, and the only way to protect your self with out having been burned, so you recognize the scorpian and the snake, is to read up , like Ladeskas threads on charmer manipulators. It really is so hard to tell, because lets face it, it feels real good to get swept off your feet, gifted, wined, dined, and even the rush of lust in new sex, but those should be some of the clues. If it is to good to be true it usually is. The pattern of dating can show alot about a person, any more I would be resistant to any one that has been divorced, if you have never been married, or just comming out of a long term relationship, and moving fast. Healthy people take their time, couple of short dates for coffee, or lunch, not to heavey on the booze, definately a few dates before a kiss, share information, how long on job, what about the family, what are your parents like, background checks, know what I mean?
I used to say we needed to have match makers, then Dr. Laura questioned our common sense, but even with common sense, sometimes its hard to see the truth with some of these people.
I was told once that a con artist has to make the other person like them or else how can they get what they want.
Key questions, and time moving slow is the only brilliant suggestions I can offer. I got fooled, it can happen to any one.

October 3, 2001
3:15 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Damaged,
Ever met some one with what they call a poker face, can't get a clue from them with what they have in their hand. No smile no giggle, not much conversation. Might even sit with legs crossed, or arms crossed over their chest. Body language, not letting you in, even though they might want to. Fear, insecurity,controll, salesman bs. You know the one that talks first looses?
They take in all that you say and do, so that when and if they make a comment, they can't be wrong. Or, hold it all in for the set up. Shy people do this as well maybe with not an evil agenda, but just as difficult.
Usually though with shy people once they feel secure, they loosen up.
My mate is like that with me, for years I wondered why he was comfortable with me and others, then shut down with me, and is so very different with other people. We come from such different places, he just didn't want to be wrong any more.
He doesn't laugh, he doesn't joke, and rarely shares any information aboutfamily work or anything but sports. We don't agree, so he doesn't even bother.
Even porno, he used to bring home a video once and a while for the big Friday night, this was before I left, i could care less about it once and a while, but when I came back after a few months, I said so you don't watch porno any more, wondering if he went somewhere else. He said no, haven't thought about it, why ya want some with a gleam in his eye. I said it doesn't really matter, but can i ask you a question, when you used to rent them, you seemed so disinterested, arms folded, legs crossed, even ate through it on one or two occasions, wondered if you got anything out of them or thought I wanted it. he said no I enjoy them, just my machisimo???????????????????????
I still don't know what he meant, but he has only rented on once since then and it was when I was out of town, go figure, MEN??????????????????
Like pipe smokers you really never know what is going on in their mind, and most of them don't like to be asked either. To much effort, so show some of those emotions deep one, you need to have some fun. What would that look like for you?

October 4, 2001
8:31 am
Avatar
damaged
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow Molly that must be hard to be in a relationship like that. Well for me I know I show more emotion that that. Sometimes I think I show way more that I would like too. And I mean on the soft side of me. I don't have a problem showing the angry side.

So what do you and you partner do for fun?? Is he a football fan by chance??
Do you ever get worried that he never laughs or jokes?? And I guess that last question I have for you, are you happy with this relationship??

October 4, 2001
12:48 pm
Avatar
wallace
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly, someone once told me that men don't show emotions as they see it as a sign of weakness.

October 4, 2001
8:14 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wallace, I have heard that too, and could be that is his way of explaining by machisimo. Same concept.

October 4, 2001
8:40 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Damaged, why did you have to ask me that question, now I have to answer you honestly, and the answer is NO.
He is a sports addict, he can tell you all of the stats on all of the sports, from the time they were in high school, till they went pro, and who they were traded to, all but hocky, which I enjoy. we do connect with basketball, butttt, I have been more than a good sport.
Its a long long story, and most of it is on these threads, I am very open here, and very up front. The reality is there is a cost for everything, Tez had some very as usual articulate words discussing addictive relationships. he blew butterflies out my ass when I first met him. We had so many different issues, conflicts and life was hell, but held on to it for the sake of commitment, after one failed marriage, and hindsight after that. truly he is the classic charmer manipulator, with a sever codependency.It took so much energy to finally leave him, and did it at a time when the rest of my world fell apart. Bad timing, and I truly took on more that I could handle at a time when I was weak. After 18 months, and a renewed sense of self, when he showed up on my door step, with the new improved version, claiming hey your the counselor don't you believe in recovery, I felt I owed him a chance, and after all the years and history, and did have a love even after all the anger was worked out felt I needed to give it a chance. Well some things didn't change, and the fundamental things didn't. Some of the stuff got worked out, but the basic crap between us is not complete, and lets just say, that the 18 months that we have been in the reconcilliation process, has shown its truth, with more and more truth evidenced. I should have turned around three months after I returned, what do you do with someone who says so I lied, after you have spent every last dime, given up three jobs and it ain't always that bad.Tez in his last post gave me some more clarity, and with the world events, life is short, and I am reprioritizing. There is a certain comfort level, yet it ain't what I want, and I am not where I want to be, and I am not heard with respect, but I am not stupid, and going to jump ship when I am not ready. I have come to some reality checks that I am indeed falling into depression, and angry at some things, I swore I would never get to the place I am in again, and yet here I am not quite, but aware on the edge. Yet as soon as I have my back to the wall and press him, he rises to the occasion, at least long enough for the issue to subside. its a tough call especially with the cultural differences, and his poker face. I just practice one day at a time, but am hitting the wall with it. Like the woman who fears her eggs are getting old, I am getting old, and don't have all the energy to follow my thoughts, and must remember that. But Molly, and I chose that name after the unsinkable Molly Brown, is about to rise in a big way. I must follow my own advice, don't you think? There is just no relationship, with out trust and respect, and damn, I deserve both.

October 5, 2001
8:42 am
Avatar
wallace
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly,

I have read most of the threads where you have had input. I have to say, you are one of the soundest people on this site. I always take note of your words. It sure as hell surprised me that you battle the same battles as me. Maybe the fact that you do is why you have so much insight. You're a strong person, Molly, and you do have inner wisdom - listen to it - and live up to that unsinkable name.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
36
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110931
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714215
Newest Members:
genericsmartdrugs, 才艺, stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer