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is anyone here working the steps? and i don't mean aerobics
February 19, 2005
8:08 pm
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orangeboy
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hey all. i've been going to coda for 5 weeks, but i don't have a sponsor yet, and i'd love to talk to someone else about their experiences in the program.

February 19, 2005
8:19 pm
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orangeboy
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so far i was just kinda jumping around in them, i mean the first three are just like admitting things, right? but now i'm trying to go forward with taking them seriously one at a time. with step one, we admitted we were powerless over others, that our lives had become unmanageable, i've been trying to keep repeating it in my head and to really search for my motivations behind things, and to do things for myself.

February 19, 2005
8:22 pm
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CAMER
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hi orange, so have you admitted you are powerless yet over others??? and you are doing the right thing by repeating this in your head. I think the more you go to coda meetings, the more you get to know the "regulars" that go, and hopefully soon enough you can click with someone, and ask them to be your sponsor. It does take time, but so far you are doing the right thing!!!
((camer))

February 19, 2005
8:23 pm
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orangeboy
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i have questions too. regarding making amends to people. i'm sure that people ask this all the time, but what about saying what we need to say to people who have harmed us? not expecting or demanding any sort of response, but letting them know how we feel about it. finally bringing closure to the situation? i think that should be included in that step, step 8. but there i go jumping around in the steps again. also, there are people who's feelings i've hurt and things that i've done that i'm not proud of, but i have had to change my name recently for protection reasons, and i don't know how i could contact the people without compromising my identity. any ideas?

February 19, 2005
8:27 pm
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sam33
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I went to my first meeting Feb 14TH
It felt good and scary talking about
my problems and hearing people talk about having the same problems /
experiences. I'm not sure yet about
finding a sponsor either.

I just recently realize I'm codependency. I'm looking forward to healing me self and becoming a self assured confident adult.

Feel free to share your thoughts
experience.

Thanks.

February 19, 2005
8:30 pm
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orangeboy
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thanks camer, it's nice to see you here. how are you doing? at first i thought that i had that one pegged, that of course i could admit that i was powerless over others! but now, in looking at my behavior with the girl, i'm not so sure. i'm really trying to make an honest evaluation. like i understand that i can't make her come back to me, but i have been asking others for spiritual help for her, and i haven't stopped praying wishing hoping and aiming for us to get back together. i can't tell if it necessitates my giving up on those hopes in order to admit that i'm powerless over others. does that make sense? i know that i don't have any say or control over anything that anyone that me does, and i've gotten WORLDS better at not manipulating people. last night actually, i had a cool experience where i was talking with a friend about something sad and when they had to go i realized that i was about to try and think of something else to say to keep them on the phone so that we didn't end on a sad point that i'd have to try and find a way to get out of the mode in my head by myself, and instead i said that i would like to get to briefly share something happy so that i could get out of that mode and was that okay and then got off the phone promptly following. i was so proud of myself. i've been doing my absolute best to be as completely honest as possible, trying to really identify what it is that i'm looking for or wanting and asking for it directly rather than trying to manipulate people into meeting my needs for me. it's hugely tricky after a lifetime of dealing with things that way...

February 19, 2005
8:32 pm
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orangeboy
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hey sam33, congratulations, how was your first meeting? did you think it was weird or did it feel good? i think it's bizarre and a bit silly every time i go, but even though i have negative thoughts at the beginning, i feel oddly better every time i go. are you starting the steps?

February 19, 2005
8:53 pm
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CAMER
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hey Orange, when I went to my first meeting over 3 years ago!!! i had a hard time getting used to the group, maybe I was still in denial and didn't think I had a problem...but here it is going on 4 years this Dec with my Coda meetings, I love the people, they are kind caring supportive all that good stuff, and I have learned to become such a better and stronger person along the way, with a few slip ups of course, but I am on the road to being a better person, day by day. Keep working the program, its all good!

February 19, 2005
9:28 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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September 24, 2010
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Hi guys,

For what it's worth, I've only attended 2 meetings, but I did ask the "coordinator" at the meeting about getting a sponsor. He told me that he's been a member of CODA for over 2 years and he did it without a sponsor and now he's leading one of the CODA meetings here. So......I'm not sure if everyone really needs a sponsor. He told me to just keep coming to the meetings and things will start to click inside my head.....time will tell.

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