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is anyone awake?
October 17, 2006
2:45 am
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kasie919
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GG:

Wish ther was something i could tell you about how your feeling, I havelived with how you feel through my mom, she;s gone now, but you made a good choice in the 12 step process, its a start right??

you keep on, yout gonna make it, you will be ok..

{{{GG}}}

October 17, 2006
2:47 am
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ggfred4
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thanks for listening, i appreciate all of you, kind of embarrassed right now though, head hurting, going to try and lay down. I have a hard day tomorrow at work and really got to get some sleep somehow...

Thank you all, I love forward to hearing your response LL...GG

October 17, 2006
2:48 am
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mamacinnamon
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GG:

On the sponser thing. The sponser is used to this clinging most likely. I don't think it is uncommon at first anyway. I think as you grow and spread your wings, get more self-confident you will need your sponser less and less. I am sure your sponser alredy knows this if they have been a sponser before

October 17, 2006
2:49 am
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kasie919
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Hey girls,

Im gonna go, im tired its almost 3 am here,

im having some chest pains, think i will ay down for a bit..

mama: i posted to you on the other side..I love you and thank you dearly for being here for me and everyone else..

LL: you help out miss GG, you know your stuff, im sorry i cant stay..

GG:: your in my thougts and prayers..

Good night,

Love kasie

October 17, 2006
2:52 am
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mamacinnamon
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Get some rest ladies.

GG: I'd like to discuss more w/ you in the am or when you get home from work, if you work, cannot remember. Just buzz me. I think you are doin great honey.

Kasie: thanks chickie.

LL: sweet dreams

October 17, 2006
4:39 am
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lovinglife
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LL’s response/thoughts/ramblings on GG’s Crap Closet : )

Ok with Dad coming, you’re under a new stressor for a variety of reasons; make sense why you’re having some anxiety over this. With the history, it makes for a tough situation and compounds the problem with your father now having health problems: This would cause anyone to feel a variety of mixed emotions all over the board- you’re anger because of what happened (??), you feel guilt because you’re angry (??) when you feel like you should being feeling sympathetic for his health issues (??). How do we clean this part of the closet up? First let’s get to the bottom of exactly what the emotions you are feeling and WHY. Why are you angry GG? Why do you feel guilt? I can guess, but you need to get it touch with it. And if you are angry because of what he did, that is OK to feel even with him being sick, because regardless it’s an emotion you feel and you need to let it out. It’s when we let those emotions out, (whatever they are), it’s when we can start healing and we can start putting ourselves together. The problem with that is it’s scary to feel those emotions but it is something we have to do so we can let go – and that is the goal. This is where therapy (and the right therapist comes in handy). Also you can always start a ramblings thread in here too. For me when I write (rambling away) it helps me solve something, or clears my head- I have found so much benefit from just writing. You could keep it completely private as well and use a journal.

Ok now your surgery. I’d be feeling a little scared too. Though I think what is going to be great for you is that you’re probably going to get the best nights sleep you’ve had in a long time!! Hopefully by then, you will be well into your Coda. You will find strength & peace through working those 12 steps. One of the things that is very beneficial about working the 12 steps is that we learn to hand it over, to let go, and in the process we become closer to our higher power and in a healthier way then we’ve ever experienced before. And with that, there is a peace that comes. The surgery is about what 6 weeks away – it gives you time to work out some of the anxiety you’re feeling over this. How do we clean this part of GG’s closet up? I think it is going to come in the form of working the 12 steps. You might not be totally free from the anxiety by then but you will be in a lot better shape than you are today with it.

The hurricane. I‘ve thought about this with you before as well as the childhood issues. First I think of PTSD often with you (I’ll explain later why I think of that). I won’t go into much on this topic but it’s something that I like to share my thoughts on eventually. However I do think that once you start letting those emotions out about Dad, and getting into the 12 steps more (do you have a daily reader with the 12 steps? I do and it really helps me- almost everyday those readings speak to my heart) that you’ll become more at ease about the fence and the repairs. We’ll get back to this topic later.

Empty nest and what you’re going through: To start with regarding hubby is normal!! When couples don’t have a real close intimate relationship during the years the kids are growing up it’s kind of like a ….”Ok now what…and by the way…who the heck are you?!” Totally normal. This part of GG’s crap closet just may fall into place as you grow GG- and you and hubby may be in for a whole new exciting relationship to explore. If he hasn’t been abusive, just kinda normal in ways some men can be (like not really affectionate) you have a lot going for the two of you in the coming years. My guess is that as you continue to grow it’s going to spill over into your marriage in positive ways.

WELL HELLO- it’s only been a week in the coda program?! {I’m reading and writing one paragraph at a time). Oh my gosh woman are you in for a pleasant surprise now that this is in your life. RELAX, RELAX!! Even more help has arrived in your life. This is great! Now in your paragraph about the Coda- you just beat the hell out of yourself : ) and jumped WAY ahead of the game here. First you need to get it out of your head that you’re going to fail, you’re going to scare off your sponsor, (btw everyone NEEDS a sponsor in a 12 step program), that you’ve became too dependent on her already…I can soooo relate to that thinking. Part of the moral to my story about my co-worker. You know what? - You don’t scare people off – you scare yourself off. We do this to ourselves. You think that you’re going to be abandoned, thus you make it so!! Truly, what we say we are, what we think we are – we make so! We become our own thoughts. And it’s our thoughts (generally put their by someone else or put their by ourselves when we have been totally invalidated) that creates what happens around us. Think about it.

I’ll give you another story here…. Without giving examples to explain what I mean…there’s been a few times in my life when I first meet someone while getting to know them, it seems like they like me, enjoy being around me, that they have a respect for me, that they whatever…BUT you know what I do? I’ll sabotage it – it might start with a comment I take personally, or a look I take personally, it don’t matter what it is- I’ll take it personally though, I’ll own it and now when I think about it, it generally starts the minute I met them. Now I don’t know how you do it, if it’s just thoughts that go through your head, (“I’m going to fail, I’m going to get too dependent”) but what I do is start with the thoughts in my head THEN eventually I start verbally cutting myself down to the person and it ends up that I make myself level with the ground. I have even had people say to me, “When I met you seemed so together…WOW…” and with that, I’ve pushed people away and OFTEN the respect they once seem to have turns to not having any respect for me. Know why? Because I didn’t have respect for myself, because I didn’t like myself. So I couldn’t comprehend that maybe someone just might respect me, that just maybe someone might like me and I MADE SURE that they wouldn’t.

The first thing you really need to do is believe in your heart that you matter and start catching yourself with your negative thoughts. It’s a battle I know all too well. Even if you can’t stop the negative thoughts yet, {you will in time}, just start becoming aware of them and listen to yourself.

GG have a great day today. I'm off to bed : )... think about a plan, think about how GG can clean her closet up. You've got a good start going... It can be done, and will be done. I'll still have some crap in mine but I have finally found a system that is working for me, and you will too.

October 17, 2006
4:42 am
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lovinglife
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and oh, just by my rambling away from you're post - I learned. Tell ya that writing is awesome!!

October 17, 2006
4:59 am
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lovinglife
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and one more thing here I have to add ..you got me thinking GG - thats dangerous!!

Back to whether people like us or think this or that or we push people away...while I know and accept (now) that not everyone may like me or my personality, etc my thing has always been that I myself didn't give them a chance to form their own opinion- I formed it quickly for them in my own mind - and that form was that they didn't respect me, and that they didn't like me. Does that make sense? Because I didn't like me, I just knew that others wouldn't as well. SO- I made it so in my own mind regardless if that was what they truly felt or not.

Ok time for LL to hit the hay : )

October 17, 2006
7:38 am
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ggfred4
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LL, getting ready for work and had to get up and read your response. I am going to have to print it out. It is awesome and gives me so much to think about. You gave me some great insights here and a lot to think about . THANKS SO MUCH, this was so sweet of you to do this. ((((LL))))

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