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September 18, 2009
11:21 pm
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soofoo
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I need to talk.

September 18, 2009
11:25 pm
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soofoo
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I just found out that my sister has breast cancer. She is only 42. We do not have all the info yet. I don't know her prognosis. This is unbearable. I have to wait until Tuesday for a treatment plan. Maybe Monday we will find out stage. The lump is 2.5 cm. This I know.

My mind is not handling this well. I feel that I have brought this upon my sister. I signed up for a breast cancer walk in October. I have talked about it a lot and my family has donated. I feel like I brought this on. I know this doesn't make sense, but this is how I tend to react to stress.

I really cannot bear this right now.

September 18, 2009
11:40 pm
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2BHAPPY
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So sorry soofoo. Dont think of the worse now...there are a lot of treatments available and a lot of people are surviving breast cancer.

My sister in law was diagnosed with melanoma a very deadly cancer and she was given 3 months to live. It has been now 6 years and she is still alive.

You havent brought this against your sister by being involved with Cancer awareness. This happened because you needed to be aware to help your sister. Sometimes we get involved in things for a reason and we just dont know why until it happens.

The lady from (Robin) got breast cancer and she is doing just fine. Just think positive for your sister so that she can think positive too and able to focus on her recovery..that is very important..She cant give up.

Take care and I am so sorry you got this terrible news. My heart goes out to you.

 

 

2bHappy

September 18, 2009
11:53 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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soofoo, My best survive breast cance because she caught it early. It wasn't easy but her chances of it not coming back are extremely good. She had surgery and some radiation and lost of bedrest,,,,I lived with her during this. The success rate is very good if it is at stage one...stage 2 could be more complcated. I will hold you close to my heart and in my thoughts,

Love, horsefly

lots of bedrest...not lost

September 18, 2009
11:56 pm
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through_the_fire
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)))soofoo)))

That feeling of being responsible, for things we have no responsibility for, is that codie stuff in action.

My best to you and your sister,

Fire

September 19, 2009
12:01 am
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soofoo
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I don't know how I will pass the time until I get more info. I can't sleep. I also have a friend who is a breast cancer survivor, she is my inspiration for the walk. She was stage 1. Now I will be walking for my sister too.

I am going to her house tomorrow and taking the kids out (6,8 and 11) on advice from my mother. I really want to go lay in her bed and hold her.

September 19, 2009
12:02 am
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fantas
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(((Soofoo))),

I`m so sorry about your sister and your whole family I totally agree with 2BHAPPY. You need to stay positive and hard as it may be, project only hopeful thoughts towards her. By you thinking that you brought this to her, which is completely impossible unless you have some superpowers, you are making this about you and not her. You are drawing all the energy to yourself instead of of to her, which is what you want to do in the first place.

Tuesday is soon enough. Hang in there. Like 2B said many women are surviving this everyday. I know your sister will beat this. Hang in there, hold onto hope. Resist negative and catastrophic thoughts as much as you can.

When I was very ill in the hospital and people would come and look at me with pity, I felt so bad and guilty for taking so much attention, emotions, and time. After a while though I would feel worn out from reassuring my guests so I started waking up in the morning and making myself look good before anyone came. I did makeup, hair, wore any of my clothes they would let me wear. After that, people started to relate to me differently.

They were happy to see me we chatted about things we had done and what we would do. I started to make plans of what I would do once I got out of there and talk with people about it instead of my illness. I healed so much faster and got out of the hospital about 2 weeks earlier. Don`t know about your sister, but if you can, acknowledge your sister`s illness and at the same time, look forward with her. She will heal quicker if she doesn't have to worry about comforting people.

Your sister will very soon know what she will need to do to make it out of this test. Hopefully she will be able to articulate what she needs from the family, in time. Does she have a family?

So many hugs to you!!

September 19, 2009
12:02 am
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2BHAPPY
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Robin from Good Morning America. I didnt finish the sentence. She is doing great now.

Someone wrote on FB about a lady who had breast cancer, stage 3, she was pregnant with twins at the time..She had chemo, had the babies and a mastectomy and they are all doing great now.

Your sister is very lucky that you are involved in Cancer awareness. You are going to be a great support for her.

 

 

2bHappy

September 19, 2009
12:03 am
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netsirk
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(((Soofoo)))
I have not written on here in months but your thread caught my eye and I had to respond.

My mom was diagnosed 3 years ago with stage 4 breast cancer. Anyone walking past her would never know she had cancer or is undergoing treatment. Medicine and breast cancer have come a long way. There are many different types of breast cancer and 4 stages of each type. My mother's is the most aggressive form of breast cancer and it has spread to her bones. With surgery, radiation and chemo( 4 types and she still has her hair) she is doing really well. Have hope and I will be keeping you and your sister in my thoughts.

September 19, 2009
12:04 am
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soofoo
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((((((Horsefly)))))) ((((Fire)))) ((((2BHAPPY))))

September 19, 2009
12:09 am
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soofoo
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netsirk, 2BHAPPY, That is very reassuring. Thank you.

fantas, That is sound advice. I will fall apart here and not around her. She has a husband, and three children 6, 8 and 11.

I intend to be a support for them. I am going to take a benadryl, to fall asleep so I can get there nice and early tomorrow.

Thank you all.

September 19, 2009
7:56 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Soofoo, don't think you brought this on by being involved in Cancer Awareness. Sometimes I think the Universe (and in my case I think it was God) prepares us for what we are going to have to face. When I was 14 I would fall asleep at night imagining my reaction when someone told me my grandfather was dead. I had all sorts of scenarios floating in my mind. When he died, I as a child, somehow thought I caused it. Eventually as I grew and matured and learned I realized I "probably" didn't cause it. Some (and now I can't remember how long) months before my father became ill I started having these thoughts again. I knew a man who was a funeral director, and in my mind I was going to ask him to make my fathers final arrangements. Just these thoughts would pop in my head about I must speak to Brian and have him know what my father's wishes are if something happens. As he was a friend of R's, when my father was sick I didn't call on him. Do I now at 40(then) and 41 (now) think by having these thoughts I caused my fathers death? No. I think my mind knew something and was preparing me for it so it wouldn't be the complete shock it was.

Now by being involved in Cancer awareness, you know a few things about Breast Cancer. You can be the person your sister can turn to. The universe has prepared you for this role. I am an only child and don't understand sibling relationships but I think we tend to shy away from the sick and not touch them as much as maybe they crave. Who knows how your sisters husband will react. He is likely to feel helpless becasue this is one time he can't be the big strong man and go in and fix the problem. All that to say, I think it would be perfectly wonderfull to crawl in the bed with your sister and hold her. Tell her you are scared BUT you are there for her any time she needs you.

Bitsy

September 19, 2009
9:08 am
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Martin Eden
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Soofoo,

So sorry to read about your sister.

Someone close to me was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer which spread into her lungs and liver; that was 4 years ago. It has not been easy for her by any stretch; but she has done very well and has lead a fairly normal and fullfilling life.

She is surrounded by good care and a lot of love and support; but the biggest ally she has is her attitude and spirit. This person is a remarkable example of positive thinking and actions; not allowing herself to wallow in fear, disappointment, and resentment. Follow that up with the discipline and consistency to hold steady when things aren't going so well; and I beleive you have an example of what is possible if the heart, mind, and body work in unison.

For you maybe a good starting point is to be grateful for this day and how things are at this moment. Remember it could always be worse, and it can certainly "get" better. Feel your feelings and then move through them. If you are upset around your sisiter then she will be upset. Don't deny the situation or pretend; but use some balance and choose to be upbeat, positive, and try and laugh. Laughter is really the best medicine at the end of the day.

I hope this helps.

September 19, 2009
10:48 am
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haythere
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(((soofoo)))
My brother was diagnosed with tonsil cancer in
September of last year. He has never smoked. So who knows why anyone gets cancer.
He had never been really sick before, it was just so shocking, for everyone that knew him. A year later he is cancer free!!!!

I really understand how scared you must be feeling. I had many sleepless night worrying about what was going to happen to my brother. My advise is to take one day at a time. Be positive, ask her what you can do, give her hugs when you can. There is something about physical contact like hugs that seem to help give strength and reassure. She is scared right now, everyone is. On Tuesday you will know more. That maybe when her doctors will recommend a treatment plan and she will have to decide if she wants to follow all of their recommendations.

After my brother agreed to his treatment plan it was still scary, but having a plan of action, somehow gave us all alot of hope. We stayed positive, we were there in anyway he needed us.
We kept our fears to ourselves and never discussed them in his presence. We would try to find humor and laughter as often as we could. And we always remembered, this was about him and it was his battle.

Hang in there and be strong for your sister. I hope and pray that someday soon you will be able to say that she is cancer free!

September 20, 2009
10:48 pm
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soofoo
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((((((Bitsy, Martin, Haythere))))))

Your posts have all been very helpful to me. I am so grateful for everyone's input.

I prayed that I would be supportive for my sister. When I went to her house yesterday she said "I don't want to talk about it" I said "Don't talk about it then." And then we talked about other stuff, and then she did talk about it a little. And then she said she didn't want to talk about it again and we moved on to other things. Then I took her kids to the movies and fed them popcorn, candy and soda for lunch like only an Aunt or Grandparent can. Then we went to her son's baseball game and afterward I entertained her and my other sister with goofy stories the way I usually do. It was a great time. When I went home I was absolutely exhausted and fell asleep although it was only 7:00pm. When I woke up, I cried like a child for hours.

They took a biopsy of her lymph node. We already know that the lump in the breast is cancer, but we are waiting to hear whether it has spread to the lymph nodes. I have to wait all the way until tomorrow evening. Evening, because the doc will not call her at work, and sis insists on going to work. So that is that. Then I will have to wait another day, till a treatment plan is recommended on Tuesday.

Crying last night was a flood gate that took a lot of effort to close. I woke up crying this morning too. But went on a long hike (very healing for me) and although I think I have CHIGGERS (OMG, EW and YUCK!!) my heart is lighter.

Once I started crying, the tears were unending. My eyes hurt and my head hurt and the tears did not stop. There is a black hole of grief there.

I do not fear pain.

September 21, 2009
11:08 am
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atalose
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soofoo,

I am so very sorry to hear the news about your sister. I can only imagine what you are going through right now.

2 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my tumor was 3.5 centimeters and today I am in wonderful health and look forward to living a long life.

If there are any questions I could answer for you based on my own personal experience with surgery, chemo and radiation I’d be happy to share it with you.

I kind of know what your sister is going through in these unknown days and all the thoughts racing through her head. I understand the not wanting to talk about it, because then it’s just too real and too much to deal with at times.

If there is any way I can help you please let me know. I will keep you all in my [email protected] and thoughts.

((soofoo))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

September 22, 2009
2:21 am
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soofoo
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Thank you atalose. It is really helpful to me to hear stories of recovery from cancer.

The news was bad today. The cancer is in at least two of her lymph nodes also. They are not yet certain where the cancer originated. They will have to be aggressive with chemo. They have to do a bone scan. I guess this is to see if it is in her bones?

I know that from the lymph nodes the cancer can very easily get into the blood and go anywhere.

So this news is very bad.

It's the middle of the night here. I woke up crying.

Tomorrow, she will try to get in for appointments. I guess there will be more news and more news. I guess at some point it can't get worse.

It feels like someone shut the lights off in the world. The world seems dark and I feel intense loneliness. My joy has disappeared.

September 22, 2009
9:27 am
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atalose
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soofoo,

I am sorry that the news appears bleak right now and so much to take in and understand. No wonder you are not sleeping and feeling lonely and like the lights are off in your world.

I do remember one of the nurses telling me that since I didn’t have any swelling under my arm that it’s possible the lymph nodes had not been affected by the cancer and that was a good sign. It’s possible to have cancer in the lymph nodes without it having spread farther beyond that at this point, always try and keep faith and hope.

With today’s aggressive type cancer treatments outcomes don’t always have to be so bleak.

In these next few weeks there will be so much information given to her it’s best she have someone with her at all her appointments to write things down and ask questions she may have forgotten to ask herself. My best friend went with me to everything, pen and paper in hand and she would ask questions I forgot to.

Keeping you both in my thoughts……

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

September 22, 2009
10:48 pm
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soofoo
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I was a total failure today.

My emotions are amok. I really, really believe that my sister is going to live. So why do I FEEL grief? Why is my heart doing this?

I was a bad parent today. I was snapping and snapping and snapping. I got dragged into my preteen's drama instead of being the reasonable adult I want to be. I was worse than him.

I do not understand why this is happening to me. I am a mess.

I asked sister if I could go to her appointments. Maybe I am not strong enough. She said she would call me back, husband might go with her.

September 24, 2009
10:36 pm
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haythere
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(((soofoo)))
I was so hoping the news would be good for your sister. At least the doctors figured out, sooner rather than later, they would have to work harder to determine the source of her cancer. They will be able to treat her properly from the get go.....

While you are feeling sad for your sister, maybe some of the feelings you are experiencing are about some fear for yourself (and the rest of the female members of your immediate family) and if you might someday be diagnosed with cancer? It's not selfish to feel that way. Thats how II felt after my brother's diagnosis, that I too might have the gene that predisposes me to cancer, it made the chance very real. Scary.

You are dealing with alot of emotions right now and you can only deal with so much. Once you can get a handle on why you are feeling the way you are you will be better able to process it. You weren't a failure, you just had a bad day, everyone does from time to time.

Don't feel excluded if she chooses her husband to go to appts with her, she knows you are there for her. And there will be times she will need you.....he won't be able to do it all.

Hoping the best for all of you.

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