Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
is anyome still up?
September 15, 2005
11:57 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MamaC - all of you deserve a medal - it was very special. Thank you for being so thoughtful.

Random - I really don't know any other way to feel trusting again, other than to confront the issue with him. I know how hard it is to approach them, especially when you know that the conversation is going south the minute that you say something. It's a festering sore as long as you keep it inside of you. I used to have the same trouble with my bf. On one hand he used to beg me to talk to him about things and not hold them inside (I would get all quiet and pouty and he hated that), but when I finally got brave enough to say something, it was never the right time, never the right approach, and never something he wanted to hear or deal with at the time. By his response to me, he made me never want to open up to him - he was absolutely unapproachable. He didn't think he was, but he was. I finally told him that I would love to get some things off of my chest, but always feared his reaction. That freaked him out - he didn't even know what I meant. I gave him examples, and he began to understand that he needed to be available and open, in order to keep me from acting like a pouty freak. It works now - but only because we've worked on being approachable and understanding to one another rather than, closed up and snappy.

September 15, 2005
11:59 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

my husband has a bad temper even though he has never hit me im still afraid that he is going to

September 16, 2005
12:02 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you could put the words in his mouth, or the actions in his body, what is it that you would want him to say to you or do, to make you begin to feel trust toward him again. Specifically, what would be the perfect solution in your eyes?

September 16, 2005
12:04 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My now hubby reared back one time to hit me and I looked at him and said "You will go to jail". He turned and walked away. I was stuned. I don't know if because he was gonna hit me or because I had the guts to say that. But I grew some (things) after that first marriage.

You stand up to him and if he does hit you then you call the police. Put a little fear in him.

September 16, 2005
12:05 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

the problem is i dont know i dont know what it would take for me to trust him again to me that all went out the window when he raped me. I dont trust my parents for the same reason and it feels like im a child again even thought i know im not but i still have that fear is someone going to come and get me. He loves to fondle me infront of his family or his children no matter how many times i tell him not to he does it anyway. I just dont know what to do.

September 16, 2005
12:07 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

it makes it realy hard to ahve sex with him becasue my hearts not in it and i dont know how to put my heart into it

September 16, 2005
12:10 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((((( RW2 ))))))))

September 16, 2005
12:15 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If your heart isn't in it, then it's just not. There's no forcing it. With women sex is more mental than physical - it's the opposite for men... pigs. Just kidding. That's why they can have sex two seconds after having a major fight - we can't do that... we need to get it right emotionally and in our minds first. Respect for you plays a big part in this trust issue, in my mind. Just looking at this from way out here... He grabs you, forces you to have sex even though you say no, expects you to have children on his schedule without cond=sidering your health or your feelings.... no respect in my opinion. And I honestly, don't know how to get that back unless you are going to start speaking up for yourself. If he hits you for voicing what is important to you, and what is good for you, then there is your answer - get rid of him. I know too many people whose relationships started out with crazy yelling and ALWAYS, without fail, it turned into physical abuse. When it gets to that point, that's more than enough.

September 16, 2005
12:18 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

the problem is that i have never spoken up for myself when ever i tryed i was told like by my parents that either i was just a child or that i was being selfish how do i determine what is being selfish and wahat is just standing up for myself

September 16, 2005
12:20 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

all i want is someone to love me for me my problems and all. Someone who would show me respect and treat me like he would his best friend. Is that to much to act does anyone have relationships like that?

September 16, 2005
12:29 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Being selfish is buying yourself an outfit with the money that you needed to buy your kids shoes. Making a decision with NO regard whatsoever for anyone else. Your kids may get their feelings hurt but they're definitely going to have screwed up feet too.

Standing up for yourself is knowing what is best for you physically and mentally - without it, you're going to suffer in some way. You need to weigh all sides. Having children to pacify your controlling husband within a specified amount of time even though it's going to be detrimental to your health and the health of your kids and new baby - that would hurt all involved, if you made a decision to do that just because you didn't want to piss your h off. He's being selfish in this situation because he's not dealing with hurt feelings here, your health is at stake. You standing up for yourself in this situation is best for everyone involved - he may be pissed off but he's not in any danger.

September 16, 2005
12:35 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have a relationship like that - my bf totally respects me because I don't take any shit, from anyone. I'm very patient and I may let things go longer than may be healthy for me, but I finally speak up. My bf thinks that I am very logical when voicing my feelings or opinion about something - but sometimes you just feel things that aren't that logical. Everyone has times like that - and so understanding and giving eachother a little breathing room is imparative. We also never yell at one another, and never air our dirty laundry in front of other people. We don't let things escalate beyond a discussion.

September 16, 2005
12:36 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know that i am going to tell him that i am not ready for another one yet. And if he doesnt like it he can take his happy ass out and when im ready i will find a real man that loves me to have another child with when i am ready. but i dont want to be with a man who might be angry with me for not wanting another child now or to try and pressure me into it i cant handle the stress right now i already have a full plate with my mother comming down for her birthday and my ex step father getting out of prison

September 16, 2005
12:45 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Your approach, and they way that you convey your feelings, means the difference between a blowup or total understanding. Use a lot of "I feel" when talking to him. "I understand why you'd like me to have another baby right now (gotta throw him a bone here), but with everyone and everything considered (you've thought about everyone, not just yourself), I'm feeling like I need to be healthy in order to be the mother that I want to be and that you want me to be. I need to be healthy emotionally, and physically, and I'm working on that, but I don't think I'm ready yet. By working together (including him) on certain issues, maybe that timeline is attainable, but we need to both commit to preparing for another baby."

Okay, don't totally barf, but do you see what I mean by approach? You're not being selfish, you're just stating what is best for all involved and at the same time, doing what is best for you.

September 16, 2005
12:48 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

what it is is im afraid he will leave me if i dont want a nother baby

September 16, 2005
12:54 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I really don't see him doing that - really. That's just another tactic to control you. If you step back and really analyze the way that he treats you, you will see that he is controlling you. He has mastered the art of shutting you up before you even oppose him - you don't even feel you have the right to oppose him, so you remain silent. Men control you out of insecurity - he's afraid of you leaving HIM, that's why he has to keep you doubting your own feelings and needs.

September 16, 2005
12:58 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have always doubted what i thought to be true so that does make a lot of since. I took my pills and noe my vission is severly blurry so i got to go to bed good night and thanks for everything
Love
Julie

]

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
37
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110990
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38562
Posts: 714273
Newest Members:
Slizzeringod1, Slizzeringod, texas321, lasserfelt, Gosia88, Hollynluna87
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information