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is anybody happy
August 8, 2006
9:08 pm
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I'm not. I wasn't happy when I was in a relationship and I am not happy being single. I know more people that are not happy with their relationships than that are. I am in such a rutt. My ex girlfriend's daughter call me from my ex's new boyfriend's phone. That was a real treat. It got to me a little bit. I am young but feel hopeless at times. Is it possible for me to be happy? Funny, all the people around me believe I am living a great life. I am big, strong and tough. I don't take shit from anyone. Little do they know I cry aleast once a week.

August 8, 2006
9:14 pm
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Honolulugal
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Oh, dear Hopefull,

You're writing, aren't you? Investigate these threads...we gals (and guys) can really appreciate a guy's perspective and what the hey, maybe we can help?!

I've been in NC (No contact) with my ex since June 27th, so something's going right here!

Talk all you can and read all you can, 'K?

H-gal

P.S. Oddly, today, I do feel rather happy!

August 8, 2006
9:16 pm
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lollipop3
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(((hopeful))),

There's no shame in crying once a week....and you can still be big and strong and tough and not take shit from anyone.

In the words of Abraham Lincoln...."most folks are as happy as they make up their mind to be"

I believe that happiness is a state of mind. I think we must choose to be happy. I haven't quite figured out how to do it yet...but that's what I think anyway.

Ah, who I am kidding....I'm not happy either...but I'm still tryin' 🙂

I don't know if this helped or not...but at least you know you're not alone.

lolli

August 8, 2006
9:19 pm
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Anonymous
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Good question. Are we meant to be happy or just content? I wonder if anyone can be happy all the time. I think there is satisifaction, content, at peace, and acceptance. I think the goal is to be content and at peace, and on somedays happy about life's events, and other days sad. What becomes a problem is when one is sad almost all the time and cannot experience happiness during times when most people would. That is depression.

August 8, 2006
9:21 pm
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Anonymous
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Lolli- your way with words always is so endearing. U know how to get me to smile, even when you say you are not happy.... it was the "ah, who am I kidding..." You are too cute. P&L

August 8, 2006
9:29 pm
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The other day a man in a wheelchair called me over to help him dowm three steps. He told me he had been waiting there for his aide for over an hour. I then proceeded to wheel him over some rough terrain to the side walk. He thanked me and went on his way. I watched him go down the street and thought I have so much to be thankful for. But I couldn't translate that into happiness. I almost feel guitly feeling depressed because I have it so good.

August 8, 2006
9:31 pm
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Honolulugal
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Lolli!!!

As always, BRAVA!!

Hopefull, that's a good start, see?

August 8, 2006
9:35 pm
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Anonymous
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hopeful-

you cannot help your feelings. I have a physical illness that is pretty serious. Okay, I have not revealed that here, I guess...maybe because I accept it. You have no idea where that man is in his life and stage of acceptance. I can tell you one thing for sure, hopeful, depression, is much worse for me than any physical thing I have endured (and it has been a lot). Please do not minimize what you are facing. We all have our stuff. Guilt won't help that man or you. You were very kind to help him...you have a good heart, and no one can take that from you! Love, P&L

August 9, 2006
9:09 am
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I keeping hearing that happiness is a choice and a state of mind. Taking that into consideration I am going to try to maintain a positive frame of mind today. I will take it hour by hour. Once i have a negative thought I will flush it out. Starting in 15 mins. I will let you know how it goes if you are interested

August 9, 2006
9:14 am
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risingfromtheashes
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in a word, YES - I am happy.

but getting here was a process.

first I eliminated all the "stress" and people who fed me their negative energy.

then I found ways to keep myself active and occupied with things I ENJOYED.

when faced with a task I do NOT enjoy, I remind myself that the quicker I get it done, the faster I can get back to things that DO make me happy.

and GRATITUDE. I look for the good things around me and say "thanks for it"....the sunny day, the full tank of gas, the job that pays the bills, the food on my plate, the good night rest I got, the hug from my kid, the smile from a stranger, the thanks from someone I helped....you have lots to be thankful for if you just look.

fake it til you make it...often if we pretend long enough, we actuall BECOME that....so fake happiness...paste that smile on....eventually it will become a habit, second nature.

as kids, we were joyous and happy.....our environment taught us to be unhappy and cynical....as children, we had NO control over it....as adults we have COMPLETE control over our surroundings and environment.

if you don't like it - FIX IT....being a victim will only keep you miserable.....being a vicitm or getting out is a CHOICE.

good luck.

August 9, 2006
9:19 am
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I recognize I have alot to be thankful for but I have a hard time translating that into happiness. And I fake it very very well. Everyone thinks I am living the life. My main problem is that I dwell on the negatives, which I wont do today.

August 9, 2006
10:16 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I used to dwell on the negatives.

and honestly, I wonder if my stability today is related to the meds I was taking.

reason being, no matter how hard I tried before, I couldn't get "over the hump"....I KNEW what I had to do, but just couldn't do it.

then I started on meds, zoloft, for an unrelated condition and my god, did my life change....and suddenly, I experienced the joy that everyone kept talking about.

flash forward nine months and because my ex is out of my life and life is peaceful, I am OFF my meds, and doing well, and the joy has continued in spite of going off the meds.

many are against meds, but, short term, they may be the answer....counseling may also help you understand why you can't "be happy" or what that void is that you keep trying to fill with addictions.

were your parents perfectionists by any chance? sometimes we are taught that if things aren't PERFECT, they aren't good enough and we won't be happy until they are PERFECT - and somehow, you need to erase those old "tapes" that run thru your head and learn to love things, despite their imperfections....even life.

August 9, 2006
1:37 pm
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doubleloss
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right now i am in my misery state and have been thinking " nobody is happy, we are all unhappy and we all have explosions of happines once in a while". I understand that happiness is not a permanent state, I am learning, learning. So these are just random thoughts ...

August 9, 2006
1:41 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Right now, NO

Is it happiness we are to strive for or contentment. Nobody can be happy all the time because sorrow exists. But, if we can reach a state of contentment then I think we are doing good.

The story of the man in the wheelchair was wonderful. I also have a very serious illness and I can say that I am normally in a good state of contentment. 80% contentment, 15% sad, 5% truly happy. I think my life is a pretty ok one. 🙂

August 9, 2006
1:52 pm
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Anonymous
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mama. can you please comment on my response about the man in the chair. I think the real inspiration here is that hopeful, in her own suffering, reached out to help another person. Kudos to hopeful. I respect her a lot. Instead of feeling guilty, I think she has a lot to be proud of, and she cannot help the burden and great pain of depression. She can do all she can to help herself. Helping others was one way. It is very honorable, hopeful, very!

August 9, 2006
1:56 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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hopeful is a good guy, and i know he knows it, I think his question really is "how do you feel it, how do you experience it, when no matter how hard you try, you can't....you can "see" it, but can't quite "get it"".....I've been there...it's like being on the outside looking in.

not sure how I broke the "spell" but know that life did a dramatic turn when I started taking meds, and now that life is under control, I am off meds and still stable and happy.

August 9, 2006
2:17 pm
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StronginHim77
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This morning, I woke up and realized an hour later that I was actually HAPPY. That I had a sense of contentment and anticipation of good things to come. HAPPINESS. I am on Day #50 of No Contact. Sheesh. It's working!!

- Strong

August 9, 2006
2:47 pm
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Anonymous
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No, NOT happy. Ive been depressed and I get pretty... well, happy... about just having lived through another day.

August 9, 2006
3:34 pm
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Shaney
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I'm happy. Things aren't perfect, but I'm happy with most of my life at the moment. My home life is good and I have a lot to be thankful for.

My only gripe right now has to do with the people I work with. I like my job, but the people are absolutely ridiculous. It's hard to be happy at work when I truly disklike and don't trust the people here. Since I spend a large part of my day here, the negativity that I feel is sometimes hard to shake.

August 9, 2006
5:52 pm
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nappy
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I'm happy because I realize that each morning that I wake, god is allowing me to see another day. A day that I haven't seen before. I trust into him that this day will be great.
I'm happy also because when I have a tough day and feel to be closer to friends, I just come to this site and before I know it I have a smile on my face.

August 9, 2006
9:23 pm
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These responses are great. risingfromtheashes, you hit the nail on the head. I know I have a lot to be happy about but knowing it is not living it. Yesterday I gave myself a 2 on the happiness meter. Today was a 3 1/2 and I really had to work at it. I flushed out any negatives thoughts as soon as they entered my mind. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

August 10, 2006
4:28 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hopefull32:

I'm glad today was better than yesterday. You said you flush out the negative thoughts as soon as they enter your mind. That is so important. Thanks for the reminder. I think folks w/ such big hearts have a harder time bein happy coz they anticipate so much. I used to be like that too. I think you are doin great. Keep working at it.

August 10, 2006
5:29 pm
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Ma, thanks but today was actually yesterday. So far today (10th) has been a 3 on the meter. I just can't seem to get excited for anything.

August 11, 2006
10:54 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hopefull32:

I think you are doin great. You are replacing the negatives w/ positives. This is kinda like breaking a bad habit. You have to replace the negative, or hurt, w/ something positive and that is what you are doing. I cannot remember how long they say it takes to brek a habit; maybe 3 weeks. So keep doin what you are doin, and my thought is that it should get easier in time. 🙂

August 12, 2006
11:33 am
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lollipop3
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Hi Hopeful,

Just wanted to pop in to see how you were doing. I hope things are looking up for you?

I spoke to my therapist last night about this very issue....happiness.

I told her that I was not happy. I'm not overly sad either....but I'm not happy. I told her that I am not enjoying things the way I think I should. I mean, I have have done a lot of great things over the summer and have had some wonderful experiences but I just don't seem to enjoy them the way I think I should.

She asked me to name something that I laughed about that day (yesterday). I know what she was getting at but that wasn't my point. I laugh every day. I can always find something funny in just about every situation and I thank my parents for that....for blessing me with a sense of humor. But, to me, it's not about "laughing"...it is about contentment. And I found that was the word I was looking for....content. I am not content.

I have also found that if you say "content" too many times....it starts to sound weird. LOL

See...told ya I can laugh at anything.

Anyway...I guess the problem is that I just haven't found yet..what makes me content.

I'm afraid I still don't have much advice for you....just figured I'd share my thoughts.

I hope you're feeling better.

Love,
Lolli

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