Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
is any man better than no man?
January 6, 2007
5:56 pm
Avatar
red raven
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am 27 and have been single since nov 13 06 i know that is not very long but it is the longest i have ever been without a man. is this longing i have to snatch up any man just a phase? is there any thing i can do to ease it? i feel like i am falling apart from the craziness of it all. i do not want to be in another abusive relationship, but i am so lonely. i just hurt. any one understand, or is it just me?

January 6, 2007
6:02 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

no. any man is not better than no man. no man is better than most men. being alone means freedom and possibilities. being with the wrong man means nothing good.

fortunately there are alot of good men. and most of them are going to be a better match if you can be comfortable on your own and not too needy.

bonni

January 6, 2007
7:20 pm
Avatar
TryingToLetGoAndMoveOn
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know how you feel hun. I know how it feels to want to be with a man, so that that void of loneliness, will hopefully, "be filled" by him. And, as nice and pleasant as it can feel, to be with a man...it's also nice and very pleasant to know that...if it were to just be you, WITHOUT man in your life, then...you would be okay with that too.

I had been raised to believe that..."a woman isn't complete, without a man." Well, now that I know that, that is a lie...I am now trying to re-place that with something more positive and productive and realistic! Such as: "I don't need a man in my life, to be truly happy with myself! All I need, is MYSELF, to be truly happy within myself."

Huh...although, at this current time, I do happen to be involved within a 2 year relationship, so...although, at this time, I can't speak from a "single point of view," I just wanted to let you know that...I know how loneliness can feel, when you HAVE been single for a while.

Take care.

Trying.

January 6, 2007
7:22 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

having a man doesn't stop lonliness. having a man doesn't help you feel good about yourself unless you already do feel good about yourself.

Loneliness stinks it hurts deep inside but it can be a time to strengthen yourself, live for yourself and prepare to meet the love of your life.

January 7, 2007
1:38 am
Avatar
red raven
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thank you all for your replies. i am doing better n my own it is just scary, i have never worked and now i find myself financally responsible for my self but also my three children. also i am living with my parents so it makes it rough. thank you all for feeling me.

January 7, 2007
6:52 am
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

red raven...

that feeling of wanting someone (anyone) does go away...I have been divorced for a little bit...on my own for a couple of years..and this is truly the only time in my life that I don't have a man to be with.

odd as it is...I am taking that time to work on myself and my relationship with my kids.
I don't want the drama of another relationship right now, sucking the energy from my kids and my career.

the feeling does pass..there are times when it hits me, but then I remember what it was like to always be answering to someone...and feeling like I was always being watched to do something wrong.

not anymore....
I am true to myself.
that is what matters.

take care and love your children...that is the ONLY relationship that is guaranteeded in life..and you only have them for a short time!

nvr

January 7, 2007
2:02 pm
Avatar
missfixit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sometimes when you have a man that is no good, you feel more alone than when you are alone.

January 7, 2007
3:21 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

you said it missfixit.

actually, even if he's a good man and you don't "feel it" its lonely then too.

January 7, 2007
3:40 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow - lot's of great responses here! What comes to my mind is that my own mother probably had the same feelings - and decided to stick with my dad because she was not able to support us finacially.

January 7, 2007
4:49 pm
Avatar
missfixit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

truthBtold,

I did that too. I stayed with my husband for years. I thought I couldn't afford to support my three kids without him.

But, I realized the damage I was doing to myself and the kids was worse.

Thank God, I left when I did.

Now, they are happy, healthy adults. They are now parents themselves, and know how to be treated and what they want in relationships. They can pass on a more healthy, and semi normal environment to their own kids.

Since I am still stuggling with all my issues, they get to keep learning what not to do.

I think because I have had such a hard life, they see more clearly and it has helped them. So, I guess there are possitives to being screwed up.

January 7, 2007
4:53 pm
Avatar
healintime
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi red raven - in my humble opinion, NOTHING is as lonely as being with "the wrong" man. Sadly, when I'm hurting, or lonely - I seem to have a "wrong man" radar and am guaranteed to pick a dud. Working on it - and am happy with my own company nowadays - I'm certain that it's helped with the radar.

Hugs,

H.

January 7, 2007
6:09 pm
Avatar
shyshy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Red: I know exactly how you feel. Five years ago I ended my 15 relationship with my husband. Because I felt so lonely and depressed I hooked up with his brother, of all people after two months. Now, four and a half years and much aggravation later, I just broke up with him.

It has been the roller coaster ride from hell!!! Those of you who have read my past threads know some of what I've gone through.

I think back now to how I felt and what I thought back when my husband and I broke up and I was a real mess. I mean, a REAL mess!! I have never been alone. I come from a large family and now they are all dead so letting go of my husband was really really hard for me.

Being with his brother was a roller coaster ride from hell but I learned a few things and I'm stronger now than I was back then. Now we broke up and I have to start over again. Something I should have just done when I left my husband but this guy came along and took advantage of me. I say he took advantage of me because he knew I was vulnerable and would fall for him like a hot potato and that's exactly what I did. Now, I have to let go, for reasons that I won't get into now but he crossed the line up till the point of no return so there's no going back this time.

I'm scared too. After my husband left he's the one that did everything for me around the house. All the repairs i needed around the house, he did for me. So what now?

I know one thing though, I can't take this man back so I'm forced to go forward and it's like the saying goes, if you keep doing what your doing, your going to get the same results. So, this time, I'm not hooking up with anyone too soon. I have to give myself time to heal and become hole again before I can be with someone else otherwise, I'm going to end up with someone who can read "vulnerable" all over me!

January 7, 2007
9:30 pm
Avatar
tlsunflowers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Healintime, Shyshy & Missfixit,
I too have found it hard to be alone and to find the right man for me. It always seems that I have a magnet that attracts needy men. I have used so much of myself to try to help those needy men and have lost myself in the process. I am now on track. I am learning to love myself, be happy with myself and become strong and self reliant. Listen good ladies, God made us we are special and we deserve no less than the best! We must learn patience and have faith that all will be okay with out a man until the time comes to be with Mr.Right. We deserve that. Be strong and be happy.
God loves you and is always there for you and will be the rock you need in your life.

/prayers/

January 7, 2007
10:10 pm
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

the book, women who love too much really helped me see where I was making the wrong decisions and WHY.

it's an older book, but really hit home and got me onto the path I am currently on.

and honestly, tho I DO believe in a higher power...I trust he will bring me in the right direction...I know that I have to do the "legwork" and have to help myself at the same time.

so this means identifying why I choose the men I do and why I choose the WRONG men.

I have a good handle on it now and I can trust in my own decisions now, and use god to guide me in that too.

but I think it would be totally foolish of me if I said "god will bring me to the right place"...cuz if I don't fix the errors of my ways, then he may bring me there, but I will be too messed up to see it...and conversely, I may find myself in a "bad" situation but think that it's good cuz I feel that perhaps my higher power led me there.

I think our recovery is a joint effort between learning to listen to our higher power's guidance and doing the legwork on our own.

January 7, 2007
11:47 pm
Avatar
briss
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are all so wise and so in touch. I wish all women could read these pages and learn from them.

Two months ago I split from a relationship with an alcoholic. After a long time of trying I walked away never to look back.

The pain I firstly felt was so intense I thought I would break. But I was never going back and unlike every other time in my life I was not going to jump immediately into another relationship to, as they say, ease the pain.

I made myself really feel the pain. I stayed focused and determined. I cried myself to sleep at night and then made myself get up and keep going. I can tell you I know the agony - firstly of having to leave someone that was so sick but I still loved and secondly to be 100% on my own. The fear got me right in the guts - I have never felt so empty.
And then an interesting thing happened - I began to feel happy - happy to be with me, happy to look up old friends who I had neglected through my time with the alcoholic - happy to go places I had never been before and feel strong and proud.

And then an even more interesting thing happened I started to attract people around me who could see my strength. Some of those people were men and yet I had become so confident that though it was lovely to talk to them - I had no intention in being involved with anyone. Not out of fear but out of enjoying the joy of finding me again so much - I just want to keep growing.

Redraven - this did not take years to establish it took a month. It is going to take alot longer to fully 'recover' from the dysfunctional relationship I was in but every day I feel so much more powerful and excited by life.

I can see that this is one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I know it's a cliche but it's so true 'To love another one must trully love one's self.'

January 8, 2007
9:53 am
Avatar
lovetocrochet
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think one of the biggest epiphanies I had after my divorce was to realize that I was good enough on my own, WITHOUT a man. I was 28 before I realized I'd spent my whole life thinking there was something incomplete about me if I wasn't in a relationship, and that in turn influenced a long string of REALLY bad relationships.

That, in turn, helped me be a better woman... and help me see what a really good man is. It also helped me find the courage to be willing to walk away if the next man I dated was a dud.

As it was the next one wasn't, and I've now been married five and a half years. He's not perfect, but then again who is... we have our problems but then again who doesn't.

January 8, 2007
10:01 am
Avatar
serenityali
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

No, you aren't alone. I think it's natural to want to have someone in our lives. When I feel like this, I try to focus on myself, working at being a better person worthy of someone of good character. Someone told me a long time ago that I need to learn how to be comfortable by myself before I am ready to share my life with someone else. I believe this is true... Good Luck

Ali

January 8, 2007
6:49 pm
Avatar
malibugirl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Going to sound really bitter here--"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle"--Gloria Steinem.

January 8, 2007
9:40 pm
Avatar
briss
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Don't let this thread die. it is a common mistake of women to feel this way. Often women, myself included,will jump straight into another relationship when the previous one ends just because of the fear of being alone. Usually this means going from bad to bad to bad without coming up for air. Not until a women has really experienced true independence and had no man in her life can a womean ever know her true self. Without knowing her true self she will never know what an equal and true relationship is.

January 11, 2007
3:26 pm
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I agree with all the advice here!
one of the best ones is that WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH EVEN WITHOUT A MAN!!!

it is funny that people always ask me if I am dating...which I am not...but I almost feel like a failure saying it..but I follow up with..'I am truly happy with my life..my kids...my career and not having to COOK!'

we have to be comfortable with something new..this is new...we are used to being with someone...and focusing on them..now we can focus on US!!!!

what a concept!!!

all that energy into helping a man out, and we could have mastered the world had we known!

🙂

nvr

January 11, 2007
3:32 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

bottom line...............

MEN ARE JUST DESSERT!!!!!!

January 13, 2007
9:17 pm
Avatar
briss
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Any other thought on this one? Love to hear them.

January 14, 2007
2:04 am
Avatar
briss
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
January 14, 2007
2:45 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was about 17 when I noticed that I really had a strong hunger for intimate relationship. That feeling started to go away about....4-5 months ago.

I can say for sure now...there are things that I can have as a celibate single that make up for the lovin I'm not getting. The quiet, the time to read and write and take photos.

Mind you my powers of cooking and housekeeping are fading slowly without the civilizing influence of a woman around. But the peace and quiet is nice too.

January 14, 2007
3:45 am
Avatar
briss
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Worried Dad

So for you aloneness is OK? I'd like to hear more of your story. You have children and have ended a bad or not working relationship? Please give us some insight. I want to hear what you have found.

Briss

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110977
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714261
Newest Members:
swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why..
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information