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IR Marijuana users considered Drug Addicts
July 31, 2007
12:29 pm
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_anonymous
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Wasabi- What city in California did your husband go to? I lived in Japan for years. My family is there and my son went to school there and reads and writes the language. We have Thai, Japanese, Jamaican, and european decent. My kids are on the darker side and we get a lot of crap about this. That is part of my problem always being treated like I should be lucky if someone accepts me. I always had to be ashamed of my ethnicity and would hear people say terrible things about it. I never felt comfortable practicing my religion, taking my language or eatting my food. Now I do and I dont give a damn what others think. My husband is white but one of his kids was 1/4 hawaiian and the other American Indian and black. So his kids and my kids had a common ground in not being accepted. I understood his kids they fit perfect into the family.

July 31, 2007
12:32 pm
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_anonymous
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Serenity and Rising- Thank you for the feed back. I am not using his childhood as an excuse. I agree that most healthy adults realize what their parents did that were wrong and make an effort to call them on it and make different choices. I was just trying to find a correlation. To make a point that Pot is harmful. If you smoke it infront of your kids you are telling them that it is OK to do drugs and could use to other drug use.

July 31, 2007
12:37 pm
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_anonymous
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Lettingo- Thank you for the comment. My husband never did blame his family. Quite the opposite. He says because Pot smoking Pops does it and everyone they know does it that it is perfectly normal to do it and that I am the one whos thinking is off the charts to oppose it. My husband thinks that living in tents, chopping wood for heat, digging out of dumpsters is perfectly normal. Unbelievable. I think if that is the best you can do there is nothing wrong with it but when it is ones biggest ambition in life then I have to wonder. People that do stuff like that put themselves in a position so they dont have to work and have more time to smoke pot and if your a mail subject females to your naked body and to be in a postion to get them soo high that them and their kids will expose there. SICK SICK SICK

July 31, 2007
12:52 pm
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Pom 34
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Yup, my husband smokes pot -sometimes daily, sometimes he goes a coupla months without it. He drinks, too and takes perscription meds. I am not sure if he is abusing the meds or not, occasionally abuses the drinking, but this is slowly improving for now. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?? He is an admitted addict and no, he's not shooting speed anymore and says he doesn't want to, so he sees this as improvement, but also is aware that he is still a functioning addict. It's strange... He has been in and out of treatment centers many times. All before I met him. I met him through a 12 step program and he was clean the 1st 5 years we were together, so it REALLY crushed me when he started using again. Just about lost my sanity because of his actions and I was a freaked out mess for years. But, that was about 5 years ago, and things are getting better for now.

I hate it when he smokes dope, but I just show him (not tell him...) I don't like it by seeing him stoned and saying things like, Boy, that'll never get you laid, or hey, I'll be downstairs on the computer until you fall asleep, see you in the morning. My point with this behavior is that if he wants to be with me, he'll chill out on the pot. This is also a bonus for me because while he is stoned, I am busy working on my own head and creating a life for myself. He is actually smoking less, but I don't feel that my behavior is controlling him. I am only doing what I want to do -with or without- his company.

Now, his gambling, sheesh.... ! Still working on how to deal with that. More focused on me and my own unresolved problems (a pile that has been growing since childhood!) for now.

If he was in jail, and his behavior was worse than what it is, I think it'd be easier to leave if I wanted to. He's one of those clever ones where he goes right up to the limit of boundaries then backs off a bit. That doesn't bother me like it used to, I am really just grateful that I can see that.
Pom 34

July 31, 2007
1:05 pm
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_anonymous
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Pom- He sounds like a highly functioning drug addict and gambler.

Sounds like you have to put up with a lot.

Are you getting anything positive out of the situation?

In my opinion your are either an addict and gambler or your not. An Addict is someone who can not not do drugs or gamble.

You are not your husbands therapist and there are not 12 steps that lead to the door way of your house.

July 31, 2007
1:15 pm
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fantas
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Destiny,

I just have to ask, where did you meet this man and what was he like when you first met? You just seem so mainstream and he and his family are so 1970s anti establishment hippy. How did you make a connection?

July 31, 2007
2:07 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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fantas -
check out the thread titled "
If an addict is willingly obtaining help is it better to support them or have no contact???"...she really explains it all there.

July 31, 2007
3:26 pm
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Fantas- I came from a conservative midwestern background. Grew up in an affulant community. My family had values. My parents had expectations. But it all fell apart when I was 13. My mom got her 2nd divorce and moved to California. Suddenly she changed. She started smoking pot, doing coke, and having people in and out of the house all day. She allowed and supplied my siblings and I with pot and drugs. I was on crystal for a while. The only thing that made me stop was the fact that I almost killed myself with it. After that I never did it again. That was at the age of 23. I had no idea that I was a drug addict. I went to work I know this may sound scary as a nurse after I had been up all night on that stuff. I paid for my own drugs and did not steal them. I also did quaaludes, valium. I loved being high. When I wasnt I was depressed. Could not stand people, was mean. I was only social high. Since I quit doing drugs I had to deal with my anger for years. It destroyed all my relationships and jobs. Didnt care what I did to people. But I went to college got straight A's worked 7 days a week and paid my bills and everyone elses. A person no one could touch with a 10 foot pole. Alienated all of my co-workers but was praised for my unbelievable work productivity. My kids were farmed to high priced Nannys.

I hope that answers your question. My husband is the me I might of become had I been a man.

He is the only human being who has ever looked into my soul after I had done something horrible and said "I understand". And I know he meant it.

Right now I will extend him an olive branch. I have decided to write him a simple letter acknowledging the fact that his choice to read a book and his ability to recognize that he had a problem with control was good. He is not in a rehab program just in jail. I must admit I am very lucky that I am not in jail for some of the things I have done.

August 1, 2007
9:10 am
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D/star
You are going thru it!
Are you working?I hope you have some income!You must stay strong for your kids & self!
My husband went to Hombolt County some where? I'm not sure if that is spelled corret....
It was 20+ yrs. ago We grew up in Ca.
Here you felt bad being different & I wanted jet black hair & dark skin because people picked on me because I was so very white! Even my white friend had tan's in Southern Ca.I was so fair skinned & platinum blonde hair my lashes are even blonde. I finaly became ok with me..in my late teens/early 20's When my different look became a way to earn money.....honestly too!
I grew up near L.A. Which even back then I could only affored to live in the poor part of town with the hispanic's. I felt safe with them.
When I married my husband he was working in South Korea , I left the Country with him for almost 2 years.
We went to Japan a few times for buisness. I loved it over there & being almost 6ft. tall skinny, blonde hair past my butt (back when I was 20 something) overseas I got alot of attention.My husband became very protective of me an that's when I started dressing down & stopped wearing make-up & started hiding from the world.My husband wanted the run way model be he didn't want to share her with any one!
I left my carrer in the Garment Ind. in L.A. I was the youngest Prodution person on Los Angeles St. & a Run way model / I was a pro. seamstress &
Tadoshi the Janpanese designer of evening gownes You can only get at Norstroms or privately was one of my teachers in design school in LA I was so into him!
Agian I was taboo! student/teacher
thing But I was 22.
Blah blah blah..... Any way It's weird to have such a wild life & end up in bum F%$#@ no where EAST coast now with a bunch of Red Necks (not to affend ) But some people are so shallow!No culture not since of History of this great Nation that the Euro/Whites stole! Which I can bust on them because I'm a disendent of them. But I wish I was a Real native American . I'm just lucky to be born here!What ever.... So I'm real bored!In the last 5 or so years Hispanic's from all over have moved into this area looking for wk. We have a small consturtion firm & have 10 -15 men work for us. Now I have a hand ful of them in my yard making me mad. My husband again want's to hide me! I'm 40something now I don't feel pretty any more....but he doen't want me near is men!
Read my thread "Walk the thin line most of the time Alone" I have it so good some would say! I feel bad you are going through such a tuff time.I feel how dare me be so vain ...my problems are so shallow!I like chatting with you! Go ride your horse & feel alive!Maybe I got to my special place today too! We must do whatever it is too cope & see it thru.You & Your children are beautifull & full of culture .I had sushi last night & thought of you! I put wasabi on it & it filled my sences I breathed in deep & thought open up my mine & clean my thoughts to see thru the haze! Got to run keep in touch
WASABI

August 1, 2007
9:30 am
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risingfromtheashes
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wasabi, you made me laugh when you said "EAST coast now with a bunch of Red Necks (not to affend)".

I am one of those east coast rednecks you so fondly refer to.

But I don't take offense.

I do agree that east coast people lack cultural awareness and diversity.

In my small home town, I laughed as I hear all these politicians and town board members planning housing situations so they could "attract cultural diversity"...they wouldn't know diversity if it slapped them in the face....to them, cultural diversity was someone who didn't make as much money as they did....good lord......the area I am in now is WORSE....there is some diversity, since there are indian reservations here and the amish and menonites....but overall, it's pretty backwoods up here.

Destiny - you mentioned the crap you went thru and how your husband seems to "understand" you. I think I posted on another thread about this - I don't think anyone should "settle" for someone because they accept or understand you. In my case, my mom has stuck by my lifetime alcoholic father because he "puts up with her". So totally unfair. I think many men would "put up with you" if you gave it half a chance and BELIEVED IN YOURSELF. You seem to define yourself based on your previous life....but you put that life behind you...it's not YOU anymore....it's just a memory...the story of how you became the person you are...but by no means defining the person you are today.

Why live in that shadow? Why not break free of all the bad stuff you think about yourself? You aren't a drug user now. You made a life for yourself...you are strong, talented, educted and smart in many ways. You are self sufficient. And despite your feelings about your skin color, I bet many men would find you "exotic" and appealing...maybe not in backwoods redneck country - but in areas where cultural diversity are accepted and embraced.

see, I am overweight - and I know some men will see it and be disgusted...others will love it and embrace it....some others will see my insecurity about it and love me anyway, and "tolerate" my weight...but maybe not happy with it.

I found a partner who loves me for who I am...and won't abuse me because of my weight...he won't use it against me...it's part of me and he likes full figures...and it works for him.

I have had partners who have "tolerated" it, but behind my back secretely wish I was thinner...or try to get me to lose it...it wasn't a happy union. I would have been settling if I had stayed there.

You talk about your relationship with your husband, and it DOES sound like cohabitation - not love....do you wish to find real love? or do you think you simply want someone to coexist with?

August 1, 2007
11:27 am
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R/fromashes*
1/2 my family is from East Texas....
Talk about southern red neck attitude!But Hey I LOVE TEXAS! But I grew up in a very diffrent place where there where people from all over the world. I just hate how ignorant people can be!
People in general need to learn North American History......
Mexican's & American Indains where here first.... Europe invaded this land stoll it raped , killed & inslaved the people! Then drug Africans over here to work the land for them to make them all rich!
Then pass laws that keep them out ! When they all where imargrants to began with also! It just blows my mine how some people want to forget history!

OK not about Marijuanna at all I will get off my soap box!
I'm just very PRO human rights!
We are the only country that if your born he you can have citizenship all other countrys make you be citizens of your parents country, if you are born out of country! Every state has different laws the united states is not united like the pot laws are different state to state , same as imergration laws & drivers lc. & drinking ages etc..... the Untied states is a wonderful place but it is not United under God as it cliams to be! I'm lucky to be an American but I wish law makers would look back & consider the past into the present!Make Untied Stated, Untied!

August 1, 2007
12:07 pm
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Wasabi- My husbands stomping grounds were in Trinity County. I have never been there and when I heard of the drug culture I dont want to go there either. Japan was a great experience for me back 25 years ago. I love asian food. This is the first year my kids did not go overseas due to the BS with my husband. You sound very pretty. I have been in California since I was 13. I spent some years in the LA area and found it quite dangerouse. But there was a lot of work there for me. The crime rate drove me out to a rural desert community where I stayed for 9 years until i decided I could not do 107-120 degrees anymore. Is your husband white or ?. Mine is. He came from a back ground of poverty a long line of people who dig in dumpsters, his fondest memory was of his grand mother who would slam on her brakes and back up her car if she saw a can in the road. Unbelivable. And he is proud to carry on the tradition and even took my 7 year old out picking cans. My kid wound up with $20.00 once he turned them into the recycling center. But I was hoping my sons would have bigger ambtions in life. My kids are dual citizens. One is bilingual (japanese/english). I am 1/2 white. My mom was white (ignorant, poverty stricken background) My dad was (I'd rather not say) but he had deep roots with religion, close knit family, values, stability, same job forever, clean, neat, well groomed, great provider, nice home, etc. My daughter came out looking like her dad (white) except full lips, wide nose. The boys came out one with nappy hair and the other with straight hair. Grand daughter is the darkest of all. My look is very average, typical. Usually people can guess my back ground due to my accent and attitude (a bad one).

August 1, 2007
12:13 pm
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Rising- Who is the one that is expecting a baby on this site? I am having an issue with my weight. I looked at someone I would like to look like and said to myself "you can do this. " It is my goal to loose weight. It is a battle. But I hope to be able to. I am really working on it. Believe it or not there are some that think I am fine the way I am. I dont like the way I am. It is uncomfortable. My husbands X's and his mom were all BIG women. I was glad he was OK with my weight. He had a big stomach. 5'9 215#. All stomach. I'm sure the beers didnt help. I prefer men with extra weight.

August 1, 2007
12:45 pm
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wasabi
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DestinyStar*
I wrote to you on The Narcissitc post I know I spelled that wrong!
I used to be pretty ... Now I feel old & fromppy!My Husband is Mexican Amarican ... Old Surfer Dude /Chicano
Can't speak his own langauge....
We kid about speaking Spanglish
He is a Gingo in a mexican's body!
He is so american but with Hispanic upbringing/ of Mexican americans that where affraid to be mexicans in america .. His tia/aunt told me stories of how there were beat in school for speaking spainsh....
so his parents did not want there children to be spainsh so the did not teach them spainsh & made them to dress & act white!
My husband is so sad that he never learned to speak spanish fluently....

I'm 43 now & people say I don't look it but I dress down & don't wear make-up so no one see's me!I so want to dress up & let my hair down in public just to feel alive agaian. (I tested this too people act different to me when I wear make-up & dress up and let my hair down ... Like freaks!But he would flip out! But some still see me & this drives him insane! I use to hate being different... But now I'm ok with it! You need to love yourself too !
Go Brush your horse & give it hug you'll feel better! hey it works for me! I got to do stuff! man I have been putting stuff off all day!
Talk to ya soon!
Wasabi

August 1, 2007
12:56 pm
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_anonymous
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Rising- Your husband's Machismo sounds very controlling. I am 46. I have been guilty of dressing down. My husband liked it that way. But now I want to pay attention to my personal appearance. People do judge us by our appearance. If we dont appear to care for ourselves than why should others. Look your best in spite of him not because of him. I will get off of my A-- and see my horse. I promise.

August 1, 2007
2:47 pm
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wasabi
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I think you where meaning me ....
Yes he is!!!!!
i dress up sometimes! But Make-up is not allowed I put mascara on sometimes but he is such an ass about it it's easer to go naked....on my face that is!!!!
Your horse/man question was so funny!
if I really dolled up it would be WW3
I don't know if you read my thread"thin line most of time alone" But There are 10-15 hispanic men in my yard 6 days a week! if I dresses up they would say stuff & my husband would freak out ! I already have have something werid going on with one of our men! he is real hot & I'm tring to stay away from him... but ever time I turn around there he is!
He is in my head & it's making me LOCO!!!!!
Got to go 4 now!
Wasasbi

August 1, 2007
3:48 pm
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wasabi
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DestinyStar
To awsner your question on the other thread.... about education
I have many talents! I went to design school in LA years ago.(never got my degree I was strugling single parent back then with my 1st child)
some college! When we move 7 yrs ago we could not sell our house we rented for a few years ... then I desided to turn it into an assisted living! So I became a medication tech & Elderly care person... Which I still due private care part time!
I have a real issue finding good help & closed my buisness in the 2nd year! I nearly moved into the other house about 45min. from my pressent home! My kids where here & there but it just got crazy going back & forth... in my mind I left him! I was seperated kinda for a good 8-10 mouths I was there more then here!
it actualy brought us closer in the end! This why he is building the barn ! it was part of our deal.
I came home & sold that house finally! I proved to him I could do it on my own & it's better now but not perfect!Am a pro. seamstress/ designer, master gardener learning landscape design & Artis I did childrens programs for 10 years also!
I have been offered may jobs in different fields. but I work for HIM!
I do contracts run errands have even ran the crew a few times ...oh our guys love that!(i can operate a bobcat & drive the dump truck)and look good doing too JK!
Do pay roll etc.....
Now I'm working on his acct. & I hate it! I'm going to hire help to get thru it! I love working with our guys but my husband limits that to a min. to much exposer ya know!
I have a way with them I he know's it! How cool is it to order a bunch of good looking latin men around!
they call me Jefa it's real sexy!
OK well yah sometimes it's like prison! But sometimes it's good! I just wish I could be more myself too!
But some one is too insucure for that! He is one his way back for getting me this vintage sink for my studio..... So it's weird he spoils me one day acts like a shit the next!
Crazyness chica!
Thanks for your notes I feel real alone these days! You friendlyness has helped alot! See i told you you where not Narcisstic.....
I would like to get back into horse training .....I re-pair horse blankets & tack too!
So yep I got skills!
oh & I use to sell on ebay too until he started taking my checks out of the mail..... oh was I livied!
So I stopped most everything.... and make him pay for EVERYTHING!!!!!!!
What little I get on the slie I hide!
It's not perfect but it's what I'm working with!
One day at a time!
Thanks
Wasabi

August 1, 2007
8:50 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Pot is not addictive in the conventional medical sense of the word. Some smokers will become habituated, but most don't.

Which is not to say that there aren't some outrageous pot-heads in the world--I've known a couple.

IMO, it is a horror and an outrage that there is even such a thing as a marijuana felony in the USA.

I don't smoke pot btw. Smoked enough in college--I can get the same effect just by listening to the Cars and putting a dorky expression on my face. Also, I didn't like how it suppressed my ability to remember my dreams.

August 1, 2007
10:36 pm
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Wasabi- He sounds controlling. But you have a lot of talent. I give you credit for working so hard and aquiring all of those skills. A barn is great. Then you could have something for yourself. You deserve it. You and your husband sound like real business people. A lot of responsibiltiy. Too bad he cant trust you more. Sounds like you are getting tempted.

August 1, 2007
10:40 pm
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WD- I have read about the effects of MJ and I think it can harm you because of the effect it has on the cardio vascular and nervouse system. I dont think it is good to use something that alters one thinking such as an ability to recall dreams. If the people on this site can be addicted to toxic partners then I guess a person can get addicted to anything. I dont see the point in using anything that does not have a medicinal purpose that clouds the mind.

August 2, 2007
8:19 am
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wasabi
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Destinystar*
Well he is a control freak that's for sure!
I keep pushing the invisible boundaries.
Mon-Sat. I get to start my day with sounds of our crew scerring around down back preparing for the work day.
My desk faces the shop! Where I'm sitting Now! Watching! A few of the guys are real fine & sweet too! They have no idea I'm watching them.... Mostly total boardom ...There is one I find myself looking for & I can not seem to get him out of my head!He has only spoke to me a few times. None of them with speak to me if "Jefe"(Boss Man) is around....
Like they know it's forbiden....
But when his is not around they are friendly & kid around it's werid.
this one guy I've caught him starting at me from way cross the yard. (many times) If I make eye contact with him he smiles & waves! I can feel his eyes on me.
I'm a good wife ... so I do keep my distance! But I'm very drawn to this man & he to me I can feel it...
He has spoke to me a few times over months...Last winter he spoke to me in spainish & asked me if I was cold. Like he wanted to warm me up or something. his voice & they way he says things will melt you!
He reminds me of Antonyo Bendaras but taller & darker hair . ok stop me! They where in my barn this morning, we got 2 big pipe gates from a customer yesterday ....the big 12+ footers ... this man pick them up like it was nothing out of the truck & set them aside.

Yes D* I'm so very tempted.I had a dream of him the other day!
What's real hard is when my husband is sitting next to me on the phone with this guy & I can hear his voice ok shoot me now!
I'm total Obsessted. It's mostly in my head!I tried for a while to block him out.....it was working till he spoke to me. What do I do?

August 2, 2007
1:11 pm
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Wasabi- This man is awakening PASSION. Something you obviously are not getting with your husband. This man is also giving you positive attention and recognizing your finer qualities. Something that will never happen with this control freak. This man gives you hope, he is a sign that you deserve better. I personally feel that you should like a man for whatever turns you on. Deep down inside you desperatly want to get out of this relationship with your husband and it is more often true than not the quickest way to get over one relationship is to start another. As far as your marriage is concerned you quit and stayed. Maybe it has been over with in your mind for a while. This all has an element of danger and excitment. Your husband sounds like the type of man who could get violent. Mine did and wound up in jail when I had a good looking man assisting me (but that was after he decided to pull his disappearing act).

August 2, 2007
2:02 pm
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D*
I get alot of Passion from my husband & I love him deeply!We have great sex (alot still) after 20 years WOW .He gives me everything I need & expensive gift's too & the father of 2 of my kids!
He is just an ASS sometimes & a major control freak!
It is so hard to know why I stay & have for so long.........
I have no idea why I feel so strongly about this guy?
Maybe the taboo / danger & excitment!
The unknown.....
And yes he (Husband) has & would be violent esp. if I had an affair... Which I would never do! It's kinda like damed if I do damed if I don't....
It's just the attention he has given me. it's just a fantasy! No more!
I'm stroger & smarter to let it go any further!

But girl is he fine ..... oops sorry!
If I was't married I'd be all over him! But I am so I'll keep my distance. This is been going on for a long time....I just hope he is a gentelmen an never backs me into a corner or i'm in deep doo doo!
Thank God we are never alone together!
Am I sick for feeling this way?
Wasabi

August 2, 2007
2:37 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Just my thoughts on Mary Jane , (also know as pot, marijuana , ...Out of all the pills prescribed by doctors and all the street drugs , MJ seems to cause less harm to others. I have never heard of a violent crime committed by MJ. There is always alcohol or other drugs involved.......Everyone has a different chemistry. Unless everyone is not taking any thing else I think some people benefit from smoking the pipe. Atleast they are happier. And most do not with violence. It should be a personally decision....The jails are full of non violent pot smokers...This does not seem right to me. Even doctors have realize it is good for pain relief......horsefly

August 2, 2007
8:24 pm
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Wasabi- I am glad that you are enjoying the sites around your place. Your husband sounds like a hard worker and good provider. Glad you enjoy romance with him still. That is important

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