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ipw/jag.....where are you
May 12, 2006
9:47 pm
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Anonymous
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Yeah, that is kind of strange. Well just let these things be reminders of of your new found freedom and happiness! Mother's Day is just around the corner!

May 12, 2006
9:58 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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Yeah, and she aint gettin nothin from me!!!!

I know she is waiting, but hey, its a new life and a new way of living!!!

May 12, 2006
10:00 pm
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AMEN, JOE!! Here's to the NEW life!! **CHEERS**

May 13, 2006
9:24 am
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Iamjustaguy
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oh where oh where has my irish girl gone, oh where oh where can she be????

May 13, 2006
11:41 am
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JAG, what a nice voice you have!!

May 14, 2006
9:22 pm
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IrishGirl, are you around?

May 14, 2006
9:54 pm
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IG, if you are lurking here, I just want to let you know, that I apologize if I put too much pressure on you to find those meetings and to report back here, with the results. I want you to post here, whether you found the meetings or not.

We care about you and worry about you and want you to know that we are here for you! Please let us know that you are ok, Hon! (((IrishGirl)))

Jen

May 15, 2006
10:20 am
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IrishGirl
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Hey. No, Jennifer you didn't put too much pressure on me, even though I don't want to let you down. I just can't find anything where I'm not at work or have my son. My EXH won't take him during the week, and very rarely on the weekends. I did find an on-line CODA meeting. What do you think of that? Have you tried it?

I'm sorry I missed the BBQ. I thought about you both all night, wishing I was online with you. I had a work thing to go to, and of course, guess who was there??? I left and he followed me. I told him he was being very scary, that I don't trust him, and when he said he loves me, I said....I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!! Of course, just to top it off he told me that everyone at work is telling him that he can do so much better than me which really hurt, and he knew it. Of course, everyone I know has said just the opposite. Then yesterday, which is a horrible, horrible day for me (My mom was my best friend and she's only been gone for three years), he showed up at my house with roses and a card. I didn't let him in, so he emailed me...I didn't respond. I do not want contact, and I am still remaining strong in not iniating it!

I would have written to you guys, but I'm still feeling like an idiot for getting myself into this in the first place. I think I just needed to retreat to my couch and "lick my wounds" for a little while.

I hope you both had a good weekend. JAG, thanks for the song....Wow, singing and dancing? Very impressive!!

May 15, 2006
10:50 am
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Iamjustaguy
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Irish,

Gladyou are ok, its fine to retreat, we were just worried about you.

Glad that you are keeping the no contact,I know its hard at times and we dont want to deal.

As far as what he said, its just a control thing to get a reaction out of you, DONT LET HIM, you are better than him and the people who are saying things.

We all love ya!!!

JAG

May 15, 2006
12:56 pm
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IrishGirl
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JAG,

It's so nice to know that I can always find a smile and a hug whenever you are around. Thanks!

Hey, did I read that you might have a date????

May 15, 2006
1:05 pm
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yeah, it was one of those thingas where you meet someone, and they are gone, then a few weeks later by some strange twist, you meet them again.

It also happened that we used to travel,the some circles in high school.
I know she is divorced, but not sure of her current status after that, she actuallt bartends at the place I go country dancing, just not on the night I am usually there!!!

Its funny how things come around after a while.

Its still a little tough, though, parts of me are apprhensive about being out there, I want to make sure I am ready for anything, dont need to go backwards, just forward.

May 15, 2006
1:11 pm
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IrishGirl
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YEAH!!!! YEAH!!!! YEAH!!!!

I'm so happy for you!! Do you ever wonder if the person you were supposed to be was somehow always in your life.

Maybe everything you have gone through recently was all supposed to bring you here, and if not, go and have fun anyway. You can't possibly be prepared for everything, but you are so much stronger now and you know what is and what is not acceptable for you. Definitely, definitely keep us posted!

May 15, 2006
1:14 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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You are so right, everything we do brings us to this point, this is where at this time we are supposed to be.

I am just going to cruise along, I have to like where I am and what I am doing for myself, all my personal relationships are better, my kids are happier, and 21 days of aliomony left!!!!

I will definitely keep you all posted, I am really happy to see you back on here Irish, I was worried about you.

joe

May 15, 2006
1:31 pm
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IrishGirl
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Thanks for worrying! It sounds stupid but I don't have many people left that do worry, so I appreciate you so much. And knowing that you're thinking of me helps keep me on the straight and narrow.

(((((Big Hugs to You))))))

May 15, 2006
1:42 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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Never a problem, just dont disappear on us, we are all in this together, and will always be.

Jag

May 15, 2006
2:11 pm
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IrishGirl
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I promise!!

It's so hard to be at work right now, not knowing who said what or why. I would do anything for anyone that asked and I don't understand when people are mean for no reason. My mom always used to tell me that they're just jealous, but I never understood why.

So, since you're in my office....may I have my joke for today please?

May 15, 2006
2:49 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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You mom is right, they are just jealous, so dont let them get to you.

Joke for today,HHHMMMMM......

I am having one sent, so will thread it when it comes through.

Focus on work, and dont let them get the best of you.

when you need,just thread, get it out, and get it behind you.

May 15, 2006
11:18 pm
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Hey, IG. I'm glad you're ok. I was worried about you.

Don't worry about letting me down, because I'm just happy you're here.

Take care, and I hope all is well.

Jennifer

May 16, 2006
6:01 pm
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IrishGirl
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Hi guys! How was your day?

May 16, 2006
6:37 pm
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IrishGirl
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I just got the meanest email from the EXB. Of course everything is my fault. But if I stop "lying", he will take me back!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????

I have been honest with him. He accuses me of stuff all of the time. I told him that I was on a support group website, and he said that I was probably lying to all of you. He said that he has never been anything but good to me. And he even went so far as to justify going to my new FRIEND's work, by saying that people in love do those kinds of things all of the time. Oh my gosh you guys, he's nuts....really, really nuts! I thought it was me, all of this time I hated myself so much for everything I went through when I was little that I convinced myself I was lucky to have a guy that knew about my abuse and still wanted me. Now I just want him to leave me alone, for good!!! No more going back!

So what do I do about being professional at work? I know exactly what he'll do, he'll give me dirty looks, talk behind my back, and generally make me feel like crap until (he thinks) I apologize for stuff that I didn't even do!!! He always says that I make everything his fault, but I was so messed up when me met that I used to tell him, "Just tell me what you want me to be, and I'll be it". And I meant it. I've done it a million times. I can play any role I'm put in...but you know what? NOT THIS TIME!!!!! And a lot of that is due to you both!

Feedback please?????

May 16, 2006
7:19 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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Hey Irish,
first , you are doing the best thing for you. And remember, his accusations and lying are all control issues for him, he is still trying to control you and make you be what he wants, the girl who will play the "role" he wants.

waht he said about going to your new friends work is a bunch of BS, and if you truly want him to leave you alone, tell him so, then detach even more.

the partt about work will not be easy, you cant be responsible for what he says, you can only hold your head high and know you are MUCH better than him and deserve much better than him.

You need to be really strong at this point, especally in the workplace, but I know you can be because your thread is one of sheer resolve.

My suggestion would be to NOT tell him anything about your life, not the site, not where you go or who you see. its none of his business.

dont apologize, dont reason, dont do anything, just live for Irish, my only concern is for you to be careful with the new guy, when dealing with all of the old crap you walk a thinner line, I will not tell you what to do, just be careful.

Let me know what you are thinking.

Joe

May 16, 2006
7:53 pm
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IrishGirl
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Joe, I just don't know what I would do without you!

So is it breaking the "no contact" rule if I tell him to leave me alone? I don't exactly know how to handle the situation.

As for the new guy, I spoke to him today and told him that I am doing a lot of work on me right now, and I'm okay to hang out from time to time, but I definitely do not want any kind of a commitment....real or implied. I probably won't hear from him again, but you know what, that is really, really okay with me.....as long as you guys don't desert me on those long, lonely nights!

Oh yeah, how's the "date" thing going?

May 16, 2006
8:01 pm
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IrishGirl
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I have to go for just a little bit to get my son's dinner and do homework.

Are you going to be around in about and hour? I really hope so, I'd love a nice long chat!!!

May 16, 2006
8:09 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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Its definitely not bnreaking the No contact rule, its just Re-establishing it!!!

Tell him to F--O-- if you have to, dont leave anything for misinterpretation, but I would wait until he makes the next move, whether an email of whatever mode he chooses, I would then respond via a LETTER, it will be too easy for him to respond to an email, with a postal letter his options are limited much more.

Then, if he persists, go for the police to keep him away.

I think what you did with the new guy was good, it takes time to heal, regroup and see things in a different light.

The date thing, well, I am really keeping it all low key by choice, I have met and made some great friends and I am in a really good place for me and my 3 kids, I am more involved , and my time with them is better than ever.

I dont want to force anything, i really dont mind being alone , its been really good for me.

and on those long lonely nights, I will still be here, and I know jenn will too, too bad you are notr near jersey, would be able to hang out, and have some fun.

May 16, 2006
8:13 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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I am online till about 1030, so find me when you are done.

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