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ipw/jag.....where are you
May 10, 2006
7:47 pm
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IrishGirl
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Bad, bad night.

May 10, 2006
7:50 pm
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I'm here, IG. What's up? Are you ok?

Jennifer

May 10, 2006
8:06 pm
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IrishGirl
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No, I'm really, really not. My EXB is stalking me. We broke up five weeks ago, and I was doing good. That's when I started posting. He found out that someone else asked me out and he went to his work and starting harassing him about me. I'm never going to get away from him.

I'm scared. He following me. He went through my purse. He seems so sweet, but he's not and I'm scared. If he confronts me, I'll lie (even about stupid stuff, like what I had for dinner).

May 10, 2006
8:22 pm
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IG, I posted to you on the other thread I started for you.

Is this the same guy that made the comment about you getting "healthy" and losing his "Happily Ever After"?

If so, this guy is BAD news, IG! Go to the cops, and get a restraining order, ASAP! Write down EVERYTHING, the incidents, times, dates, EVERYTHING. Keep good records, so you can refer back to it, whenever you need to remember when what happened.

This isn't something to mess around with, IG. Do you have any family you can call? You shouldn't be alone right now. Also, the police can advise you on what you should be doing right now to ensure your safety.

Be STRONG, IG! Now is the time to take charge of YOUR life! So please take care, and keep us posted here. And be SAFE!! (((IG)))

Jennifer

May 10, 2006
8:55 pm
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IrishGirl
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No, Jennifer, I don't have anyone anymore. My whole family loved my EXH. I went to my sister's house with a black eye, and she said I was lying. They all love him.

Now, I'm dating someone just like him. How could I be sooooo stupid?

Mom's dead. I don't have anyone but you guys.

May 10, 2006
8:59 pm
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IrishGirl
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I don't care right now. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. If every guy in my life, since I was four, only saw what they wanted to own. Maybe that's....No. I don't evem believe it as I'm saying it.

So what now, Jennifer, I hate this.

May 10, 2006
9:04 pm
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IG, you are NOT stupid! You are just attracted to the same types of guys, as they are attracted to you. This is why we must face our inner issues. So we can become strong and confident enough to NOT attract these types, nor be attracted to them.

Do you attend church, IG? If not, I think it should be something for you to consider. Not only will it help to build your faith, but it also like having another family, who will always be there for you. You need to widen your spectrum as to where you meet people.

Also, I think you should find a CODA meeting in your area. You will find the support there, as much as you do here, on this site. Except it will actually be "live" and in person. It would be good for you to have that, along with this place to come to.

My heart and thoughts are with you, IG. I'm thinking of you!

Jennifer

May 10, 2006
9:13 pm
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IrishGirl
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I was just talking about church today. I used to go four days a week, I taught Bible school, I taught Children's Church, I bought everything they said, Hook-Line and Sinker. I had so much faith, I believed everything they said, for Heaven's sake, I wanted to be a Nun. Then I told them about my abuse, and they deserted me. They embraced him. They said I must have been mistaken (for seventeen years????) They didn't believe me. I won't set foot back in a church right now. I'm still a Christian, I just put my faith in the Bible, not in people.
And I tried a CODA meeting, they all came with teddy bears and actually talked to them. That was so weird! I'm not trying to be difficult, but I did run to the "safe" places. They weren't so safe, so, please, please tell me, what now. I really just want to quit.

May 10, 2006
9:33 pm
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IG, you can NOT give up trying! I don't know about the teddy bear thing, but maybe there is a different meeting you could find. I went to Al-Anon, it was the BEST thing I ever did! Find one of those. I'm serious, look it up RIGHT NOW!!

And you said you don't put your faith in people anymore. Well, I think you DO, or you wouldn't be here right now. I think along the way, you might have put the faith in some of the wrong people, but you ARE still capable of reaching out to others. This is a GOOD thing, IG!

Your experience in your last church was because you attended with "him", and he may have been able to override the support which should have been given to you. He was probably able to take over the spotlight and convince people on the outside that he was "Mr. Wonderful", and made you out to be false, in a sense. I don't know. But I DO know that there ARE alot of churches out there that would embrace you, and take you in. It may be different for you, now, if you went it alone. Without the influences of a partner.

These are just some ideas. Do you bowl? Join a league. Do you wish to learn more about codependency? Go to the library. Smart people go to the libraray, to further there own education. Do you like the gym? Go to the YMCA. I do, and it has opened a different door to a whole other world.

And what about the people at your job? Are they good to work with? If not, pursue another job. Or better yet, go back to school, and learn something new.

IG, there are opportunities EVERYwhere you look. They are all around us. We just need to look and SEE. We tend to pull ourselves into our own little worlds, without even realizing what is going on around us. I'm guilty of this. Infact, since the breakup with my XF, I'm noticing all KINDS of things, of which I did not before, when I was "distracted", or distant from the real world.

Hang in there, IG, and just think about some of these things. Think of something you love doing, then we can figure out how to get you there! One step at a time, IG!!

I Love Ya'!!

Jennifer

May 10, 2006
9:49 pm
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Ok, IG, I seemed to have now PUMPED "myself" up enough to go to Wal-mart now, and DAMNED if I'm not going to see something that WILL catch my eye! Whether it be a bottle of laundry soap, or "Mr. Fantastically Wonder" in the flesh!! Either way, I will get SOMETHING out of this!! LOL!! Thankyou you, IG, for inspiring this moment I am having!

I think you have some homework to do, IG, and I hope to see some results when I return!! Like that phone number to Al-Anon, for starters!!

I'll be back...

Jennifer

May 10, 2006
10:09 pm
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IrishGirl
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You are absolutely nuts!!! I love that I inspired you to shop. Jennifer, thank you. I haven't laughed in a while. I did try to find an Al-Anon meeting, but there website is down right now, go figure!!! LOL!! I promise I will look tomorrow!

Do me one favor.....don't spent the kids' college scholarships on "rollback prices".

Love you tons! Talk to you tomorrow!
(I really will try again, THANKS!)

p.s. If you do happen to meet "Mr. Fantastically Wonderful"....for the love of Pete, see if he has a brother!!!

May 10, 2006
11:06 pm
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Hey, IG. I did not find "Mr. Fantastically Wonderful", but I did probably walk away with a little too much! I was only suppose to go just to have my daughter's prescription filled, but just in that short amount of time, I ended up with perfume, lotion, noxema, toothbrush and paste, cosmetic, and some liquid hand soap. And I even have a little left over! Whoo Hoo!! Life is GOOD!

Anyway, I hope you start to feel better, IG! I'll be looking for your "homework" tomorrow evening, when I get online.

We'll get thru this, IG, we REALLY will!! Talk to ya' tomorrow!!

Love ya'a bunch...

Jennifer

May 10, 2006
11:33 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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Ig,
I just read through these, got in and logged on. I sgree with Jenn, you need to vfind things outside the norm, and I would at least talk to the cops about what he is doing, and here is one more thing you may not like, but I recently decided not to date for a while, it really let me dive into Joe, have you read Codependent no more?? if you have not, i recommend it highly.

as jenn said, go to the gym, join a bowling league, do things for YOU, and make sure YOU get your life where YOU want it.

I am so sorry i was not on until now, but as part of my self therapy, i go country dancing every wednesday, if there is a country bar around you, I would go to that, the people are aleways great, when I forst went I knew NOONE, and now some of them are my supporters like you.

I miss you, your laughter and humor on here, thats the irish girl that wants to come out.

as far as the men you end up with, i learned its a total codep thing, we pick the same, thats why I am not dating for a whil, trining myself to choose HEALTHY women.

If I knew where you are, I come and give you a big hug, but thats breaking the rules, I can only send you my heart on a thread.

to you and IPW, love you both and you are always in my thoughts.

Let me know how you are as soon as you get this,

JAG

May 11, 2006
10:21 am
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Iamjustaguy
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irish,
Its thursday, let me know how you are doing.

JAG

May 11, 2006
1:18 pm
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smarterone
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Irish
Just read everyones notes, I know how you feel in a way. You get in this funk that you cant get out of, it happens to me every couple of days. Im on meds, doesnt really do the trick. Its lonliness, I have a b/f here and my 30 yr old son. (i need to have him here to fix his life long story, always on my threads though) I have no friends where i live now, a new county in fla. had to leave all doctors everything. No transportation, car totaled not by me. Can afford new one or used one but b/f has used one i help get but he needs to get to work. Nothing is ever what I hope it tobe and yet if you asked me what i wanted to be happy: no answer. I say i dont require much, low maintenance, but whats wrong then. I hope you do what your friends told me because i say that I will, but cant. good luck my prayers with you

May 11, 2006
1:31 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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Hey Smarterone

I know the funk too, and with time it does get better.

Can I ask why you have to fix the B/F story, he should be fixing his own, as should you.

From what I am reading, and please do not take this wrong, somewhere alng the way you bforgot about smarterone and just became focused on the b/f and son.

you need for you too, decided your wants , needs and desires, then take a small step in that direction.

Please post more.

JAG

May 11, 2006
3:06 pm
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IrishGirl
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Hey, I'm here. Doing a smidge better today. Still pretty shaky though. Remember the EXB and I work together. I want to get back on the right track. I truly, truly appreciated all of the love and support. I honestly believe I couldn't do this again without you guys.

JAG, I miss my sense of humor too.

May 11, 2006
3:12 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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Hey Irish,

Glad to hear from you. I know working with him is difficult, but keep taking it one day, or hour at a time.

Have you tried some detaching in the workplace?? Deleting emails, phone numbers etc.

Walking a different way in and out of the building, anything to change YOUR routine.

And take one minute a day for a smile and a joke with someone else in the office.

Its small, but its a start.

Joe

May 11, 2006
3:40 pm
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IrishGirl
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JAG, Well right now you're in my office, so......know any good jokes?

May 11, 2006
3:47 pm
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Iamjustaguy
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Hey Irish,

I will try to think up one really quick, hows it going today??

I know things are pretty tough right now, but I am with you in your office, and even not in your office.

I will try to come up with a good joke, the only good joke I know is that I live in Jersey, thats a joke in itself!!!!

May 11, 2006
3:59 pm
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IrishGirl
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I'm really tired, emotionally worn out. Falling on your face can be very exhausting!!!

I am looking forward to my son's open house at school later tonight. Of course, his father is going! But I will say that he is being pretty decent to me right now.

I had to re-read the goals that I set for myself, and today I am focusing on #1...NO NEGATIVE SELF TALK!

I was talking with a friend and she said that we put the "FUN" back in "DYSFUNCTIONAL"! What do ya' think??

May 11, 2006
5:13 pm
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Hey Irish,

I know you are worn out, sometimes I still feel the pressure of my emotions, but I try to keep going.

Have fun at your sons open house, My son has his spring concert tonight.

We will talk later.

JAG

May 11, 2006
5:15 pm
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IrishGirl
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Jennifer,

Homework completed! I found a new CODA meeting, and two Al-Anon meetings in my area. A+???

Oh yeah, I also found a yoga class. I think I'm going to try it, but if you don't hear from me for a couple of weeks, please call 911 because I probably tied myself in a knot!

On a more serious note, thank you for last night. I was barely hanging on, and there you were. Bless you.

May 11, 2006
5:23 pm
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Irish, thats awesome, I always wanted to try Yoga, but i think I might hurt myself!!!

I am sorry I did not catch up with you last night, I read what you wrote and tried to catch up when I got home.

I hope you find the meetings good, i still urge you to find a good country dancing bar, next to you and this site, its my biggest source of focus and letting go.

I just posted something I think was funny on the no contact thread.

I think I am making a little progress.

May 11, 2006
5:27 pm
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IrishGirl
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Okay, enough with the Country Dancing!! I think we are going to have to do an intervention!! JK! Since when do guys from Jersey Country Dance????? You do know that we'll all expect you to give lessons at Jennifer's cookout! LOL

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