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Introduction (Trading One Man/Mess for Another) NewMoon
October 16, 2006
2:22 pm
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newmoon
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September 27, 2010
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Hello everyone!

I have been posting for a week or so here and I’m so amazed by the support and wisdom I’ve found here. However, I haven’t really introduced myself and my situation properly, and I thought I’d take a moment to do so now.

Like many of you, I was abused as a child (by my mother) and neglected (by my father who turned the other way).

When I married, I mistakenly thought my husband would be a buffer against my mother, but the two of them joined forces and “gas-lighted” me in many ways. So I blamed myself for all the problems in our marriage (and the world, practically!).

Last year, my husband walked out of the marriage without a word. I was stunned. It was right after we had spent some of our “best months” together. Of course, I realize now that we got along so well because he was planning to leave.

After his departure, I ran right into a relationship with another man, whom I’ll call affair-guy. At the time, I thought it was magic or fate; a godsend. Now I realize how very codependent I am! I have been trying to let go of affair-guy for some time now with no avail. It’s clear that he only wants sex from me (although he romanced me via email and phone calls prior to meeting). I’ve also learned that he’s a recovering alcoholic and I’ve started to suspect that he’s a bit of a sex addict, as well.

As for myself, I have come to see that my codependency was abusive toward my husband. Since he was unable to fill that void inside me; since he betrayed me with my mother; since he was unable to consummate the marriage; since I had never learned to expect much from anyone or how to ask for my needs to be met… resentment and anger built up inside me. Instead of walking away (as I should have done), I raged. Despite my reasons, there is no justification for making a bad situation worse.

I feel a great deal of remorse about my anger in my marriage. I also feel a great deal of depression over affair-guy. When I should have been dealing with one loss, I gave myself yet another so soon.

Thanks for letting me share - 🙂

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