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INTIMATE/OR NOT INTIMATE,,,
December 26, 2005
5:48 pm
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gettingthere
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Intimacy can take because we all have a wonderful vulnerable inner child two people "IN LOVE" reenact the symbiosis of the earliest mother\child bonding in essence they fuse into each other they feel omnipotent sense of oneness and power each share his depest most vulnerable self with the other.
This very vulnerability causes people o fear intimate relationships,and ultimately can destroy intamacy.
The destruction of intamacy in a relationship occurs when either or both partners refuse to take responsibility for their own vulnerable inner child.
When two people fall in love their wounded inner child is elated each sees in their partner positive and negative qualities,of her/his original parents each beileves that this time that their childs unmet needs will finally be taken care of,each over invests power and self esteem in each other,each sees they other as his/her original parents.
shortly after they are married they will begin to make demands of each other,these damands mask primarily unconscious expectations that flow from longing andemptiness in each partners wounded inner child,nature abhores a vacum and life sparks pushes te wounded innerchild to finish what is unfinshed,looking for the parental nutering he never got,
John Bradshaw...............gettingthere

December 26, 2005
5:56 pm
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gettingthere
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Intimacy works if each partner takes responsibility of his/her on vulnerable inner child it will not work if you try to setup your partner to give you what your parents failed to give ............i hope this may help anyone that gets a chance to read this,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,gettingthere

December 26, 2005
6:26 pm
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gettingthere
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sorry i missed out a word
it should of been intimacy can take PLACE because we all have a wonderful, vulnerable inner child ........................

December 26, 2005
6:48 pm
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mj
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Hi Gettingthere 🙂

I think that makes a lot of sense.

I am learning to be more vulnerable and ask for what I need in my relationship. Ask but respecting that my hubby has the right to say no.

Thanks for sharing John Bradshaw!

December 26, 2005
10:54 pm
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Lass
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I agree. It is the very act of getting intimate (not sexual) that allows the vulnerable child to come out. What happens next is what determines whether the relationship becomes great, or becomes total dycfunction. Of course, the inner child is terrified and demanding. These needs are valid, but cannot be expected from the partner, only asked for.... If the person can't give supportive love, it becomes unsafe. The surest, safest bet is to give that love to ourselves, to seek it from a loving God, and to find safe people who have something to give, in a stable, consistent, and fairly trustworthy way.

LL

December 27, 2005
5:53 am
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gettingthere
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hi to you both i read this only the other day and it helped me greatly,it also made me realize how i am still behaving in my relationships,i have however been trying the excersises that John Bradshaw recomends have been feeling better,i also now see that i cannot expect my partner to give me what my parents failed to give..............

December 27, 2005
4:49 pm
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balancesekr
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hi getting there,
I am curious about the exercises you mentioned, what are they?

What you posted is very interesting. Lately, I have been very studious of my own behavior with my boyfriend. I notice what I get scared of, what I am thinking when we are close.

I notice how I can't stand the thought of ME. How I feel I just can't even accept myself. I am so jammed up and think such negative, scared thoughts when getting really intimate.

Lots of work to still do, but at least I can see it!
Thanks for the info.
b

December 28, 2005
4:16 am
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gettingthere
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balanceseeker,i will get back to you later on today with some more stuff ok,kids are off and i want to be able to write to you when they are not so hyper they are still excited from christmas and being really demanding................gettingthere

December 29, 2005
4:55 am
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gettingthere
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hi balanceseeker,here is what i promised you,
The excersise were from the book Homecomng written by John Bradshaw,this the right up about his book.
John Bradshaw is a major figure in the field of recovery and dysfunctional families,his "inner child" work is powerful.new therapeutic tool the people that come to his workshop bring with them persistant problems -their childhood and adolescence-and understand how the wounds received can continue to contaminate their adult lives.He offers them the chance to reclaim and nuture their "inner child" and grow up again.
this experience has transformed their lives.Reading this book will help you to transform your life and find a new joy and energy to livng.
balanceseeker i have done some of the excersises in this book and i do feel better but you have to do them as he explains them is quite amazing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i hope you find this useful..................gettingthere by the way i love your nickname its wicked

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