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Intimacy issues
May 5, 2007
7:44 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I have been having a lot of problems in the bedroom. I am trying to be intimate with my husband I really want to but my mind goes back to my childhood. It is absolutely nothing that my husband is doing wrong he is a wonderful husband. I just dont know how to get past my childhood and be able to loosen up a bit. Any ideas?

May 5, 2007
7:58 pm
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ggfred4
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(((RW))) I too will wait for answers as I can identify with you here. (A LOT)

May 5, 2007
8:03 pm
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Randomwomen2
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((((ggfred)))) I tryed reading a book about sex but it only caused flashbacks

May 5, 2007
8:42 pm
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ggfred4
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What's strange with me is that I have had more problems in the last few years when I started remembering and dealing or trying to deal with my past. I have always had some problems, but it is worse now. My h has definitely commented on it recently.....gg

May 6, 2007
10:45 am
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Randomwomen2
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Bumping this up

May 6, 2007
11:27 am
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bevdee
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(((Randy)))

I had a problem with this after I left an abusive man. He was abusive in bed, too, and enjoyed inflicting pain on me during sexual intercourse.

It took me a while to even want to have sex again, and after that, I found myself tensing up, sometimes before the act began.

I didn't talk to anyone about this, except the man I was seeing. He slowed down and talked to me during the entire act, and that helped. Another thing I did was keep my eyes open the whole time. It helped me to see the room I was in, and the man I was with. When I shut my eyes, the memories came back.

Sweetie, I don't know if this will help you at all, but it took time and patience on the part of my partner.

May 6, 2007
11:31 am
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ggfred4
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RW, does you h know about your past, your feelings? Mine doesn't and guess that is part of the problem. I don't really have flashbacks, but I tense up a lot and try to relax but that seems to be getting worse. If your h knows, bev's suggestions may work for you too.

May 6, 2007
1:34 pm
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Well, let's see ... I reached a point in my life where I let go of my identity as an abused child and became a sexual adult. It felt as if it was a positive revenge, (if there is such a thing) perhaps a way of stopping any futher abuse from my abuser. I now own my sexuality and no one else shapes it unless I want them to. As a child I had no choice, and now I do.

For some people a drink or two may help to relax ... they don't call it panty remover for nothing do they?

And oh yeah, laugh, have fun, and play in bed too. Especially laugh.

May 6, 2007
1:40 pm
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bevdee
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Drinks are great unless you are on meds.

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