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interveinous drugs flahsback please help
October 5, 2005
12:24 pm
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Regret
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RW2,
I have practically been waiting for you. How are you today? Hope you haven't had too much to do. Oh boys and mommies. I think they are so cute especially when they begin feeling like little men and wanting to take care of Mom. Believe me dear One, the best is about to happen for you!

I thought I would mention to you that while you take the physical precautions, you also do some spiritual things. How about affirmations from the Psalms. . "Even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil for thou art with me..." and others like this.

have you called the police yet? And the resume? Did you find someone to help you with it?

Ok! I will stop- too many questions at a goal.

((((((((((((((((((((RW2)))))))))))))))

October 5, 2005
12:24 pm
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RW- I remember those days when they are so little and sweet! I love you too and try and stay centered and get that pepperspray- don't forget to call your local police office and let them know what is going on. Take care!

October 5, 2005
12:32 pm
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Randomwomen2
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i also found a place where they say thay can get me a job in 30 days or less. I called the goodwill number so hopefully it will work out i have been a stay at home mom so i lack job experience so i thought this would be a great place to start working just so i have some experience under my belt. And i have my bible right next to me.

October 5, 2005
12:38 pm
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RW2,

Did anybody ever tell you you are one helluva strong woman? Have you ever considered that you are one of the rare people who are able to rise above so much and become a beacon of hope to others?

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Just thought I would let you know just how much I admire your courage, strength and faith in God.

Remember, all things work out for good for those that love the Lord!

(((((((((((((((((RW2)))))))))))))))))))

October 5, 2005
12:41 pm
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Randomwomen2
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thank you so much for your encouraging words you are very dear to me along with so many of the people on this site. I dont know where id be ifi hadnt found this site. I know i will make it through all of this its hard sometimes though cause i for get that i am a stong person then i feel so weak. And it all of you and today especialy you regret that remids me then things seem so much easer.

October 5, 2005
1:04 pm
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Hi Regret: Isn't it incredible that a person has to protect themselves at work? That was a nightmare time of my life and I'm glad its over.

RW: You are an incredible woman. I am sure you will succeed in all that you are trying to do. I would like to also suggest a self defense class. Sometimes you can find them for free, given by police depts, women's groups, etc. It doesn't hurt to just be prepared for whatever may happen. Its a shame we have to live in fear but also is a fact of life, so to protect ourselves we must be ready. Take care, SD

October 5, 2005
1:14 pm
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this sounds realy strange but my brother in law knows kung fu and im going to ask him to teach me some self defence.

October 5, 2005
1:26 pm
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Regret
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RW2,

You just proved to me that God does speak to us. When I got here today, i was beating myself up for not mentioning self defence stuff (Kung fu, Tae Kwon Do). I let it go because I convinced myself that the time was short.

My bf is into Martial Arts and although I don't know Kung Fu, he has taught me basic self defence stuff. It is not difficult. You don't need to spend a lot of time learning it. It is the techniques that does the trick. Learn how to kick, how to twist the arm and how to lounge at the eyes. these are the three things that readily come to my mind.

Another thing is this: If he ever comes anywhere close to you that makes you uncomfortable, take a deep breath and scream as loud as you can. Then use your hands, legs anything. Kick him, scratch his face- going for his eyes, kick his balls. Anything to get attention. Don't worry about what anyone would think of you afterwards- just think of what you have to do for your self.

God will watch over you and the old he goat cannot touch you but if he tries, give him a good lesson.

Love u!

October 5, 2005
1:34 pm
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i find myself yearning for sundays so i can go to church and get physical support. so untill then i am glad i have you guys. the outside of me doesnt look scared about g or about my devorice but i am and i seem to be very angry too i yell alot and i hate it but i dont know how to stop. i need to sit down and put and put the anger where it should be but it is so hard and i dont realy know how to do that. I have always blamed myself if not outwardly then inwardly its not something that i want to do its just something im programed to do since i was 3 how do you reprogram yourself.

October 5, 2005
1:48 pm
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RW2,

I am sorry i am not good at your last question. I hope one of the others would be able to answer that. In teh meantime, I called my bf and this is what i got for you:

Always kick the attacker with your knee. Kick his testicles as hard as you can.

If it is a position where you can't do much, be gentle. Hold his head in a "loving" manner. According to him, familiar rapists ***may*** relax. If he does, touch his face with your thumbs. Press your thumbs into his eyes long, deep and with as much force as you can.

Slap his throat. It will throw him off balance. Then dig your finger into his throat.

Keep a sharp object- cuticle remover, bottle which can be broken, a razor, a penknife (anything that can be used to cut. Don't be afraid) Cut his hand, anywhere you get first.

His advice is that listen to your gut feelings. You would need to decide on which technique is the best in the split second you find yourself in danger. Remember at all times that you have your voice- scream like mad.

Sorry if this sounds violent and offends anyone but I would want you to feel as sufficient as possible. If you also go on http://www.artimarziali.org/qu.....aderni.htm you would find some practical demonstrations.

Hang in there Girl! I have a strong feeling that you are and will be safe.

October 5, 2005
2:10 pm
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RW-

I am trying to understand this story. He is in prison now and getting out. Has he threatened to come back and hurt you? REgardless, you are afraid he will. You can contact the prosecuting attorney's office, victim's advocate for free advice to determine if you can get a restraining/protective order. If he violates that, he will probably go back or be in voilation of his parole.

Second, you can sign up for self defense. There is a program offered by the police, called RAD (Rape Aggression, Defense). You can look online for it. It is only 4 sessions. It is free many places, and $25 in some places, but once you attend, you can repeat it as much as you want for free. You will learn A LOT. You can use pepper spray and train yourself to use it. Get several canisters and use goggles when you train yourself. Draw a picture of a face on a paper plate. Tape outside to a building at the height of the man you fear. Then practice spraying it into the eyes. You don't want to use it the first time in the real situation. REmemeber, panic makes you less able to defend. Also, if you can afford it, you can install an alarm system. If you cannot afford it, you can put in wooden rods measured to fit each window of your house. THat prevents someone from getting in. You also can get a cheap personal alarm from Radio Shack to use on you keychain for about $7.00. Remember, noise and attention scares people away. So, scream and yell, "NO, GET AWAY." Make sure there are witnesses, even if they are your neighbors. You can use a cell phone, even if it does not work. All cell phones that do not have service, still will dial 911. You can get one for free from the women's shelter.

You can read a book called The Gift of Fear, which trains you on how to pay attention to your instincts regarding when you are in danger.

You can contact the local women's shelter...often through the YWCA or again, the Victim's Advocate office in the prosecuting atty's office (look in the blue pages of your phone book for the prosecuting atty's office or call the county clerk to ask in your County court). They can direct you. The women's shelter can give you lots of advice, including how to get a restraining order and how to set up a safety plan, like I have described above.

You can get all his legal records from the County Clerk's office. They are public record. Keep a file on him. Be armed with information.

To protect yourself at home near your bed and in the car, you can keep a MAG flashlight. Police carry them. Hold it at the flash end. To defend yourself, if you bang someone with that, you will really hurt them. DON'T DO IT, UNLESS abosuletly necessary! You don't want to be charged with battery yourself! These are self defense tactics ONLY! THat is why you should take the class. To know the difference between self defence and hostility. When you one is angry or in a panic, one can use poor judgment. You don't want to be overly hostile, and you don't want to be complacent. You want to be very rationale about your safety plan.

I tell you all this, as I was informed you were in trouble and needed my help. I was a victim myself this year. I promised God and myself that if ever someone else was a victim, I would stop and notice. I KNOW what it is like to be scared and live in fear. It is just horrible. Life goes on around you, and you are in the middle this trauma. The best thing you can do is find your strength in beating the evil person at his own game. To do that, you must have your safety plan together, and then after that, deal with your emotions. Safety first, so you can deal with your emotions. The safety stuff must be dealt with immediately for both safety and emotional reasons. I felt better when I had my safety plan in place. Also, you can request extra patrole of you house from the police.

I hope this helps. I have to be at work for several hours. I can check on you later. If you need my direct attention, and I don't respond, come into the NIGHT CREW. I usually drop in there. Praying for you, Neshie

October 5, 2005
2:21 pm
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thank you very much for all the info i think i will look into the self defence class. I know i keep a dagger in between my mattrice and the box spring. i think that my brain has me more scared than i should be i dont know. the thought of him scares me to tears there is so much anger there that i still havent dealt with but im working on. I feel like i have way to much on my plate right now i have way to much to do but i feel so tired eventhough i got enough sleep i feel like i could just sleep the day away. But i need to look into the self defence classes i need to look for work i need to pratice driving so i can get my drivers license next week i need to spend time with my boys i need to keep a clean house its a mess i need to get my laundry done and i need to work on myself some if i can fit it in. I need to spend time in prayer too. I just feel so overwhelmed. ahh and i need to take a shower.

October 5, 2005
2:59 pm
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RW2 - You are such a dear, you can make me smile on top of all this trouble. Keep sticking to your guns and methods mentioned, your intuition should be your best ally. One thing the book mentioned by Neh says is that fear doesn't freeze you, it moves you to action. You freeze if you don't know what to do. So remember not to keep knives and other objects visibly around the house so they are not used to threaten you by your agressor. I'm praying for him too so that a light comes on to him. But I don't promise you that so just know you are entitled to defend yourself especially in your house - as far as I know - what you do in there is in self defense and I don't think you would use the situation to vent your anger but only to defend your self and if anger helps so be it.

October 5, 2005
10:21 pm
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(RW2) I wish I could help more with reprogramming cuz I need it too. Once I heard that if you have a blank in your head that will automatically be filled by whatever is next in line for a space. So if we have some s**** it'll go right there and it is hard to get it out. What I do is I try to remember that Gods light leaves no space for dark stuff. I looked up the poem thread from way back, then read your contribution. Also you were so caring the time you wrote me something. If we can hang on to good stuff the bad will not be welcome. Hopefully it'll run at the sight of Light. Your church will help you keep your faith and you have quite a bit otherwise you wouldn't be here.

It is almost hypocritical for me to say I believe in combat ususally running from confrontation. However, if one invades your home, threatens the safety of yourself and your children, this one having the most horrible history with you that he could have, I'm all for combat because I found out that abuse, combat, defense and survival have much in common. Especially if combat has more to do with courage than with force. So give a cow not to enter conflict but the whole cattle not to get out of it - unscratched. Something like that.

Having said that, I hope I can tell you about something more aggressive. I do believe in combat as self-defense. I wish I knew how.
I read something about the ABC of combat. I looked it up under abuse on another thread and read a long article/advertisement about combat techniques.

The best I got from it to share with you is that we are programmed to avoid pain. That is what renders us defenseless in threatening situations.

Remember you're beyond pain so you are already a winner. I hope this
posture alone can render your opponent helplessly unprepared to recognize you.

Remember: you paid the price and you can more than ask for your change
back, if you get me. Plus, plus, plus...

Remember: you won't be bad bad bad girl if you are assertive and (to the
point that your intuition and survival instinct take you) confrontational, especially in your own legally granted "bubble" or your home, your territory.

You seem to have a sweet heart. Remember: not for him.

If this rotten son of God appears before you, it'll probably be because he remembers the old defenseless you who depended on (unfortunately unwise) people to tell you what to do and to usurped the identity God gaveyoy at birth giving you whatever identities they wanted.

It he shows up it is almost certainly he has nobody else to go to or nothing to lose. Pls don't give him a glass of water or a metro ticket. You were told so well what to do this seems redundant, but just to remind you, don't negotiate. The disclaimer her is I can't tell you do this don't do that. I want to help you remember your heart won't be soiled if you don't welcome the devil.

If he shows up it's because he didn't learn enough in prison. Here in prison he would have been prisonsers' wife for the offenses he committed - they do their justice among themselves too, they seem to have a hyerarchy among there according to minor/major offenses.

I believe you dread this encounter even if you do not know that it'll ever happen. So I believe that your recovery depends on stop dreading this encounter. I pray for you and all of us that have to face our issues that we'll eventually do it with flying colors.

Remember you are corageous only if you overcome fear.

Take any precautions you can and do forget any guilt, shame, fear, pity,
selfless understanding and anything that weakens your purpose to

((((live a good life with yours))))

October 5, 2005
10:45 pm
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(((((Rw2))))))
I just wanted you ot know I am thinking of you, and you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!
You truly are an amazing woman with strength and courage that I think a lot of us yearn for.
I know you dont feel strong at times, but we all have "our moments."
You are a miriacle to have survived all that you have, and to have the perceverence and courage for growth and to start a support group at your church, finding this site, I mean, you are an inspiration!!!!

I Am praying that you and your kids are safe and content.
(((((hugs)))))
Love,
~aw

October 5, 2005
10:53 pm
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RW2- I am going to pray for you and your kids that everything will be alright. You have been through enough in your short life and you should not even need to have these fears back in your world. Is there a chance you could move? I think self defense is a great idea. Perhaps the time he spent in prison has given him some time to do some soul searching and he has realized what a horrible person he is. Your restraining order will hopefully be enough for him to fear coming anywhere near you. All my thoughts and prayers are with you.

October 5, 2005
11:16 pm
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RW-

one more thing, in some states a restraing order is called a protective order...just so you know. You might need to clarify if there are differences in your state. If I think of anything else, I will let you know. If you have questions that you think I might know about, just ask. Other than that, I am just here to offer my love, support, and care.

Hugs, Nesh

October 5, 2005
11:32 pm
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RW2;

I am here with you also. You are a strong lady. I don't think you will have anything to worry about the first few days he is out. He'll have to get his barrings, a place to stay, check in w/ his parole officer, etc. Hopefully, he'll have learned enough to stay away from you. Are you in the same state he was imprisoned in? If you are then you might consider moving to another state. As long as he is on parole he cannot legally leave the state. Doesn't mean he won't, but if you were in another state and you saw him it is automatic go to jail do not pass go.

I think the defense/combat suggestions are great. Knowledge is power, and you can never have enough of that. I think IF you were to have a confrontation your anger is your best friend. Let ALL of it out as woopa** on him. I was taught to stick your fingers into his eyes and not stop pushin them in till you break them. Stay away from the privates, that's to hyped up. To bring anything down you hit is dead on in the knees or the top of the head. Hit the underneath of his nose in an upward movement hard as possible. And ALWAYS use the maximum force/strength you have. Do not woosey punch or hit. You cannot hurt an animal like this to much. Those are my suggestions. But I really don't think anything will do you better than to just unleash all that anger you have. Specially if that mama instinct kicks in to protect your sons.

I did see that, I think Nesh, advised a woman's shelter. Great idea. For awhile till you can pinpoint where he is and you can contact his parole officer with your fears. And please.... if you live in the same state he was imprisoned in..MOVE FAR AWAY!! Make him have to face paying a price in order to try to get to you. Sometimes the thought of 10 more years for parole violatin is enough to stop someone.

Mostly, remember you have your Lord. Lean on God. You have us here praying for you and where there are numbers there are answers to prayer.

Read to the boys; play games w/ them... they pick up on your anxiety. Remember that.

One more thing... if you have a dog keep him in the house w/ you. Great noise makers and deterents.

Here with you always.

October 5, 2005
11:39 pm
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mama-right about the dog! I forgot that one! Also, about being in a different state. Parolees have to get permission to leave the state. Mama, you are good! I forgot about those!

RW-Also, if you have good neighbors, let them watch out for you. Teenaged boys especially like to feel important like they are helping you. Also, not sure I told you, but you can install motion detectors (lights that turn on) outside your house. They are not very expensive...you can find them at the hardware store.

October 6, 2005
10:57 am
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((((((RW2))))))
It's Thursday and I am thinking of you and praying that you are safe and secure. Please let us know how things are going. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers today.
God bless you,
Prisoner

October 6, 2005
12:24 pm
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I am doing ok i seem to be very tired today i know its a little of the depression creeping back in I do have an counseling appointment today so hopefully i will feel better afterwards. i just think that she should ahve gotten more than 9 years he abused me for more years than that it just doesnt seem fair i know life isnt fair but i wish it were sometimes. It just seems that 9 years is a small price to apy for a ruined childhood and something that will haunt me for the rest of my life

October 6, 2005
1:30 pm
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RW2,
Glad to hear from you today.
I agree that 9 years is not long enough for what was done to you. It seems sometimes murderers and child molestors get off easier than thieves. @$*%$#!
I am glad you are going to counseling today, keep your chin up and stay safe.

October 6, 2005
1:41 pm
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RW, so glad to see you feeling that anger that you deserve to feel for a while--you are right, you had such precous things taken from you by the adults that hurt you, you sould be angry about that. You deserved much better than what you got.

There's an exercise I know of that is a little like what Kathygy suggested--you go to that child in your mind at whatever the last safe age you remember was and you hug her in your ind and tell her how good she is and how much you love her and hwo it is the adults that hurt her that are bad, NOT her. Then you take her somewhere pleasnat in your mind and tell her to just stay there and enjoy herself and be young and play, that you are the adult and you will take care of her now and you will handle all of this scary stuff for her. You can even if you do start having flashbacks or memories you can control at all imagine yourself saying "STOP IT" to them, taking the little girl by the hand and protecting her and shouting at them and telling them how bad they are and taking the little child away. It is an exercise that has helped me a lot, but i want t owarn you that it is very intense and heavy stuff. Just something to concider on a day that you feel strong or empowered.

I think it's GREAT that you want to learn to protect yourself with Kun Fu. It will let you feel strong and in control and like you are able to claim soem power for yourself...Good for you!

October 6, 2005
3:53 pm
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(((((((((((((((((RW2)))))))))))))

October 6, 2005
4:15 pm
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i ahve my cousin staying with me while my husbands at work for today so i dont have to be alone

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