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interveinous drugs flahsback please help
October 3, 2005
12:58 pm
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prisoner
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I know that not everyone is bad, I just have this trust issue that I really need to work on. I am trying but it is very hard. Especially when I see all these children on the news that are being assaulted and killed.
I hope to get over this as I start working on myself and realizing that I am not that helpless little girl anymore.

October 3, 2005
1:11 pm
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Randomwomen2
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i forget are you in counseling? if your not it sure does help

October 3, 2005
1:11 pm
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kathygy
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randonwoman,

I am so sorry this horrible thing happened to you. It is insane to imagine someone could do this to a little girl. To make matters worse your own mother didn't even protect you which was her job.

I think the more you talk about this to people you trust the more you will heal. Have you done any anger work on this? I would be livid if someone did this to me. How dare they!

When you are alone you might try holding a pillow or a stuffed animal and imagine that it is the wounded 8 year old in you. Tell her all the things she needs to hear to feel safe and protected. Tell her you will never let anyone hurt her again and such. I find doing this to be very comforting. Your inner child needs to know that you are there for her now and will never leave her.

love,
kathy

October 3, 2005
1:17 pm
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lewis
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kathygy thats made me feel sad.

October 3, 2005
1:46 pm
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prisoner
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I am not in counseling but I find peace on this website talking to others that have been through similar situations. I am also reading books on codependency. I have trouble talking to people face to face about my "issues" but it is easy to talk when you are anonymous.

October 3, 2005
2:20 pm
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Anonymous
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Gee, I feel my childhood experience was bad with parents fighting each other but ((RW2)) you made see that past experiences don't hold forever. Your surviving is an inspiration! I pray that you keep on the track you are on. We become hypervigilant and expect the worst after a bad childhood. I don't know that I can forget my bad experience through parents'separation and feelings of inadequacy in adolescence. You show it's possible to go from hell to heaven in so few words sparing all bad details. You are a winner!! Forget if you can what you need to but remember it's your life you're living and that it's your right not to attack but to be hypervigilant, to only make concessions to people who hurt you if you are truly in peace about it. I can't say how much you need to forget about your experiences so that they don't translate into other bad experiences but it's your right to do what you feel and know is best for you and your children. The song "I am woman" is for you: You're invincible. I posted in the thread "poems keep it going". There is beautiful and soothing stuff there. God is your father-mother and is with you and your sons. Be safe.

October 3, 2005
2:37 pm
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Randomwomen2
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the only one i remember of my parents fighting with eachother was the day of my beloved uncles furnel i remember g stangling my mother on the bed whils she was naked. I remember her telling me to call the cops but g sayng no. he finaly let go of her and we went to the funural just to find out that we had missed it my mother missed her own brothers funural.

October 3, 2005
3:29 pm
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Randomwomen2
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my mother had abandoned me and moved to california which we live in oregon she left me with g and she came down cause her brother died not because her husband was still hurting her daughter if she had stayed maybe she would be in prison too if people had only known she would have been locked up for 10 years as well wow i am actualy feeling angry about this its a first for me

October 3, 2005
3:38 pm
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gayle
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Good RW! Feel angry, its ok, you were hurt and victimized as a child and it was not your fault, the people that should have loved and protected you hurt you the most. It is natural and healthy for you to feel angry about this.

October 3, 2005
10:21 pm
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jastypes
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I wanted to recommend a wonderful Christian 12-step program to you called Celebrate Recovery. They have a website that can tell you if there are any meetings in your area. I have met some incredible women of faith who have been through similar situations as yours. I am appalled at the damage these souls have experienced at the hands of their own flesh and blood. It's a safe place to share where you may meet others who really and truly understand what you're going through.

jill

October 4, 2005
8:03 am
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prisoner
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I started a workbook/handbook last night called "Breaking Free" handbook for facing codependency. I felt a lot of emotions over events I have not been able to think about in years while doing the written excercises in this book. I cried, got mad, felt sad and helpless as I wrote down the events in my childhood. I also realized that I had nothing to do with them and was completely innocent. This was a good thing as I felt better afterward and I slept very good last night. This is a book that will take a long time to complete as you need to take baby steps with it but I would recommend it.

October 4, 2005
9:00 am
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headhigh
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I cannot begin to comprehend the idea that there are people/families out there who can be so selfish as to bring their children (yourselves) into their sad worlds.

My thoughts go out to you all - I am truly moved that you have all been so strong and survived - which is what you have done, even though you don't think you have.

Keep your hopes in your children, they are your future and remember that the future can be bright.

Big hugs X

October 4, 2005
12:37 pm
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Randomwomen2
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thursday is fast aproaching and i am scared to death

October 4, 2005
1:46 pm
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jastypes
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I just want to make sure that you are in a safe place. Do the authorities know where you are and that g is getting out of prison? You should let them know, if they don't already. You need to keep people around you that make you feel safe.

jill

October 4, 2005
2:17 pm
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prisoner
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RW2,
I don't know the whole story, was your stepfather in jail because you told somebody about what he was doing to you? Does he have a reason to bother you now?

October 4, 2005
2:26 pm
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Randomwomen2
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i remeber right before he went to prison e told me that i will pay for this too. I do have a restraining order in place buts its still a scary time

October 4, 2005
2:43 pm
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prisoner
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I understand. Don't be alone and keep your guard up. Does he know where you are? I will pray for your safety and serenity.

October 4, 2005
6:18 pm
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Anonymous
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I pray that the time the guy spent in prison served for something. Keep yourself and your children in some good supporting company for a few days, weekend, so that bad wolf can blow some steam and have some angels asking him what is he going to do with -his- life.

I put some poems in the thread like
Awesome poems keep it going
thinking of you.

October 4, 2005
10:54 pm
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jamaicanwife
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Is there anyone who can stay with you, or stay up with you on the phone or instant messenger? Sometimes when you are going through a rough place, it helps to just have somebody there.

Have you done everything you can to keep yourself safe? Nobody here is foolish enough to promise you that a restraining order is going to be enough to protect you from a truly evil bastard like g, but there are things you can do to protect yourself. Talk to your counsellor and your local police department, get some advice. Don't call 119, look up the station number and call there and ask for help.

October 5, 2005
12:27 am
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mamacinnamon
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RW:

I'm so sorry. The restraining order is great, but do more. As someone suggested... call the police at their direct number and put them on alert. I'm sure they'll take the time to drive by often. Is there somewhere else you can stay for a little while. A week or so till it is determined where he has gone. Also, if you call the prison they should be able to tell you where he went and who his parole officer is. Then contact his parole officer direct and put him on alert as to the promise he said to you and you are fearful. IF you stay in the shadows, DO NOT let him know, then you should be able to keep his whereabouts in check and you'll be one up. Honey, I wish you the best. As for taking the fear away. All I know is to pray and trust God.
Bless you honey.

October 5, 2005
1:32 am
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Anonymous
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RW2, I would like you to say "I won't be paying for anything". What's there to pay for? In some cultures this guy wouldn't be alive, neither die fast.

Do what you have to do precaution wise, then free your mind to pray, to meditate a little that God's omnipotent, ever present, everywhere and always in action. He's your inspiration to what you need to do, one step at a time.

((RW2))

October 5, 2005
2:55 am
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Regret
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RW2,

I cannot agree less with all that has been mentioned here. Please, please, please if you have not already called your local police, call them today. Talk to them and tell them your fears. They normally have some kind of alarm stuff (simple gadget that you can have in your hand, handbag or jeans pocket. All you would need to do is to pull the rope and the alarm goes off. Although it isn't loud enough to get to the police in their station,it is enough to a. get attention and b. frighten a would be attacker. Ask them for this. Sometimes, if you don't ask, they don't offer it so ask specifically for something (even if they don't have this specific alarm, they might have other things.)

Secondly, try to get "Pepper Spray" if you can. A canister can last a long time. Carry these in your purse ALL THE TIME. If you spray some into a would be attacker's eyes, it blinds him/her momentarily so you can have a chance of escape.

Please call the police and let us know how it goes ok? I am sitting here all nervous and jittery. I wish there was another way to help but in btw, you are in my prayers.

Hugs

October 5, 2005
11:10 am
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sdesigns
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Hi RW: I agree wholeheartedly w/ Regret. I was once in a situation (at work, if you can believe that) and I carried pepper spray AND a personal safety device, given to me by the campus police where I worked. It was small, about the size of a cell phone, and I could pull a pin on it and it would make loud high pitched screeching noises. Although these things in themselves wouldn't keep me safe, it gave me a means to protect myself if the need arised. My boss also carried pepper spray because of this situation. Please follow Regrets advice. SD

October 5, 2005
11:47 am
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Regret
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SD,

Could it be that I used to work in the same company you work in? Although on different continents! Infact, the alarm was supplied by the company I worked part time for. And, they would give you an escort to the bus station or so many meters away from the office if you needed it. Apart from all the stress, this was something I thought was quite thoughtful on the part of management.

In between, RW2, please drop a line to let us know how you are coming along ok?

Hugs
XXXXX

October 5, 2005
12:20 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I am doing alright I will pick up a can of peper spray. That sounds like a great idea. my son daniel learned how to kiss normaly instead of those sloppy kisses wich are sweet but they ruin make up. anyway he keeps on kissing me on the cheek my boys are so sweet they are what keeps me grounded if it were not for them i would have ended it all on my last birthday you guys and my boys were all that kept me here I have grown a lot since then now i realize that i desirve to be happy and i will do what ever it takes to be so. thank you all so very much i love you all

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