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interveinous drugs flahsback please help
October 1, 2005
2:07 pm
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Randomwomen2
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its one that i had this week i was about 8 years old i remeber that i was sick with i think the flu and g my ex step father thought it would be a good idea to mix cocaine and bynidril in a syringe i remember him holding me down until he shot me up then after the inital kick in of the drugs he bent me over the couch and had sex with me then we went to the bedroom and it continued for houres my mother was on the bed tied to it blindfolded thats how she liked it and well you can imagine what happend there for aobut 4 hours then i got to go to bed i couldnt sleep for 2 days some how because of the mix of drugs i was halusinating i had dry mouth and i couldnt sleep and yet i went to school cause at least there i was semi safe except for when they would call me out of school. I had no safe place to be. I have some others but they are graphic so i will not say them on here this one bothers me more than most infact theres a part of me that is still scared.

October 1, 2005
2:23 pm
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lollipop3
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Oh ((((JULIE))))),

Reading your story and the horrible things you have endured is like watching a horror movie. It is incomprehensible that there are people out there that are so cruel.

It reminds me of a book named "A Child Called It....one child's courage to survive" that I read about a man named Dave Pelzer. It is an inspirational story of a boy that was brutally abused and grew to a man that overcame that abuse. It is very difficult to read, but teaches us that with a strong will, we really can overcome life's atrocities.

Your posts also remind me of what a wonderful, giving person you are. With all that you have been through and are going through, you still find it within your heart to help others.

You are truly a gift and I hope you know that.

Love,
Lolli

October 1, 2005
2:27 pm
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Regret
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RW2,

Each time you tell of another one of those horrible experiences of your past, I get all worked up against your ex step dad, your mom and the system in which you grew. I cannot believe that even your teachers could not see through the mask you tried to put up and realise how much you were hurting.

That ex-step dad of yours is SICK, SICK, SICK to the last K. I guess u already know this. Sorry, I think i am getting personal with your story. Sorry you are having such a hard time. Can you talk to your counsellor? Is it possible to call him/her? Or is there someone else you can talk to? Your pastor? Does he know about this? his wife? Basically, all i am saying is that you need to speak to someone. A hug, a pat, a kind word can go a long way to helping you out here. Write this down and discuss it with your therapist on your next appointment ok?

I am sending you warm hugs through cyber space. Keep safe.
((((((((((((((RW2))))))))))))))))))))

October 1, 2005
2:29 pm
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Regret
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Lolli,

I read that book. God! I cried through most of it. Yeah! Until that book, I couldn't imagine there were such cruel human beings out there- let alone those who call themselves parents.

RW2, you are an awesome person. You have risen above so much grime and like a water lily, the years of filth did not make you filthy. You truly rock!

October 1, 2005
2:49 pm
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Anonymous
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Dear RW2, I am very new to this site and from the what the others wrote, you have written about other terrible experiences. I don't know how old you are and what your life is like now, but I hope to God you are in a better place. Are you getting therapy, have you thought about it, or maybe telling of your experiences is therapy enough. Just know that my thoughts are with you and I hope those memories start to fade with each passing month...

October 1, 2005
3:03 pm
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Matteo
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(((((((Randomwomen2)))))))

I feel so sorry and outraged with whay happened to this little 8 year old girl. I am sorry that you, as a grown woman have to re-live through this over and over. Please get any help you can possibly can, and take care of yourself, and this poor little girl, always scared violated, and unprotected, inside you. It is over, she and you are safe now, it will never happened again; reassure her and yourself about it. You can do it!

I can only subscribe to what Regret said: You truly rock!

October 1, 2005
3:31 pm
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Randomwomen2
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thank you all for your encouraging words. for those of you that dont know i am 22 years old and am spliting up with my husband he is emotionaly unavalibale and i need some one who is. we have two boys but all in all we are taking the sepration well my ex step father is getting out on the 6th of this month. I am so thankfull i am seeing a counseler and i am on the corect meds so i am dealing with all of this the best i can my counseler is amazed on how i am dealing she says that i am a very strong person and there are few like me that makes me feel so good about myself. I have worse memories and i know i will have more especialy the first few weeks when g is out 0f prison. just please help me through all of this i feel sometimes i have more than i can bear

October 1, 2005
3:35 pm
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lollipop3
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RW,

I agree with your counselor.....you are a very strong woman.

I know that the next few weeks will be a test of that strength but just remember that you have friends here that love you and we will all be here for you.

(((Love)))

Lolli

October 1, 2005
8:50 pm
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Randomwomen2
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everything seems to get worse when im all alone. Its like i let down my defences or something

October 1, 2005
11:37 pm
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exoticflower
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((((Julie))))...when you get to feeling lonely or thinking back and it leaves you with this scared feeling, come here if nothing else--we love you and want to support you. I am so sorry for the hell you enduered, and constantly in awe of you for the way you have picked yourself up and remained a beutiful woman and mother even with so much stacked against you for all of those years. You should be so proud of yourself, you lived through that mightmare and still managed to grow so much beyond it! I'm sick with anger when I think about how terrible the adults in your life where to you, and so proud and amazed at how good and loving you are to your own children and to yourself. My heart goes out to you, RW, and I am so glad to know you.

October 2, 2005
1:04 pm
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Randomwomen2
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everyone here has been a blessing to me through everything back when i was suicidal on my birthday to when i was hearing voices because of my meds and through my flashbacks and my motehr comming and my devorice and with my ex step father getting out of prison on thursday. I just tank you all for being so good to me when no one else was. I love you all

October 2, 2005
1:14 pm
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lewis
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Hi. I've just read your story, wow. I don't know what to say so i will send you this (((((hugs))))).

October 2, 2005
1:56 pm
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exoticflower
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Are you feeling a little better today? Have you talked to your doc. and your pastor about this? Both would have a lot of great advice for you, I'
m sure if you use the two togeather it could help a lot to heal and know how to cope when these scarier memories seem to hijack your mind so you can at least do something to heal with it rather than just force it back down. ((((rw2)))) Hugs, ef

October 2, 2005
5:10 pm
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Randomwomen2
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i am doing better today i talked with the pastors wife today and there are some groups that i am going to tomarow its at the church and they serve single moms and there children dinner then the children go off to play and the mothers stay for a bible study. Then there is a group on wednesday that is a mom 2 mom group and its all free for me it looks like i will be geting a lot of support through my church. i just need to spend time in prayer.

October 2, 2005
5:24 pm
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Regret
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RW2,

Glad that you got to speak to someone and have some nice things lined up for you.

I can imagine that it is gonna be a tough week. But you will pass through that. I want you to picture yourself in a tall fortified fortress. You are 1. an adult; 2. a very knowledgeable adult (you know the laws that protect) and 3. An adult with a great support network here. So, you are in this fortress armed with knowledge. Your ex-stepdad is a mouse. There is No way on earth or below the earth that he can touch you-ever again. I bet he is scared to come out!

This too shall pass. Each day, i learn from your strength and courage. I learn that no matter what life throws me, I can overcome because an 8 year old girl,although severely abused still grew up into a beautiful strong woman.

Hugs to you.
XXXXXX

October 2, 2005
5:26 pm
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Randomwomen2
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thank you regret this site is truly a blessing to me i love everyone here all of you ahve touched my heart. and i am so luckly to have all of you thank you

October 2, 2005
7:34 pm
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Randomwomen2
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i justt hope people at the church are mentaly prepared for me to shre with them some people cant handle it I will ask before i share

October 2, 2005
7:44 pm
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Regret
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RW2,

From my experience with church, I know that not all who call on the Lord are christians. In teh name of prayer, some people take others' stuff and gossip about it etc. I hope your church isn't like this. However, my suggestion would be that you go lsow. Share as much as possible with the pastor and his wife. I kinda have confidence in those two- not because they are angels but because they are most of the time trained in handling stuff like this. Then, gradually, as you get stronger, you can share with the rest- not so much to gain from their "contributions" but to help others.

Just my thoughts! All the best to you.
XXXXXX

October 2, 2005
7:45 pm
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elizabeth anne
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It is so sad that someone can use us to the point that we have no control, and when we realize it is not our fault, maybe we can truelly begin to live. I was with someone that I felt was totally possessed. You could see it in the eyes and you knew there was nothing you could do at the time, because if you tried to fight it, it would only get worse. So subservience was the only way to get through it. Thank God, that part of our lives are over and will never go thru that again. Just kind of leaves a lasting image we really in my opionion want to forget. What a horrific ordeal to go thru.

October 2, 2005
10:52 pm
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Randomwomen2
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it realy does leave an engraving on our soul i just hope that some day it will wash away with the tide

October 3, 2005
10:42 am
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gayle
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RW, it will wash away over time. Just keep doing what you are and take care of you and your wonderful baby boys! It will get better, you are in my prayers and thoughts.

October 3, 2005
11:01 am
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prisoner
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RW2,

I just read your post for the first time today. I had no idea there were other parents as screwed up as mine. I was molested by my REAL father from age 9-11. I can't really remember much but it comes back to me in bits and pieces. My REAL mother sold me to a man for sex when I was 13 to help us out financially. She and the man got me drunk and my mother told me to do this for the family. I have a 13 year old daughter and GOD help somebody if they ever even think of touching her! I am so sorry for what you endured and I can totally relate. I am really angry that people can do this to their children. It makes me loose faith in humanity sometimes. I try to remember that not everybody is that f**ked up.

October 3, 2005
12:37 pm
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Randomwomen2
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its hard to keep that in mid some times and i know that if someone ever touched my boys they wouldnt see the next sunrise. I know that there are good people out there. One great person for example is dr. Phill I love that man he is great if only we had more people like him

October 3, 2005
12:46 pm
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prisoner
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RW2
I like Dr. Phil too. I also like Oprah Winfrey. She is a very empowering woman.
When you have experienced what you and I (and probably more women than we know) have experienced, it takes away our trust and our childhood innocence. I won't let my daughter sleep over at anybody's house because I am afraid they will touch her. I know that is sick but it is a major concern for me to NOT LET HER GET MOLESTED. I allow her friends to stay at our home. She doesn't understand why I won't let her go stay with friends.
She has one friend that is living with her father because her parents are divorced and her father is always wanting to take my daughter places with them but I am scared because there is now wife to watch him. How sick am I?

October 3, 2005
12:51 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I understand all of the mistrust but not everyone is bad. I realy dont know i dont have any good advice is that area. hopefully someone else will look on this and have some good words of wisdom.

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