Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
internet
April 20, 2001
8:22 pm
Avatar
bouq
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi
I have a major problem in my marriage. My husband has an internet girl friend with whom he talks daily. They even try to meet when I'm not around, but to my knowledge have never met. This has been going on for
4 years!!! Sometimes he tells me something that is happening in her life, but usually denies that he even has heard from her.
The honesty problem is both sides: I know his password so I know how often and what they share!
Once when I admitted it to him, he swore he'd stop but he merely switched e-mail addresses and continued.

I'm so crushed. I don't know what angle to take. Whenever I ask him to stop, he gets mad that he "can't even have any friends, that I'm a jealous B."

I'm hurt and I want an honest marriage with trust.
I'm usually so nonconfrontive that I still sleep with him and continue as if nothing is going on...
What can I do?

April 23, 2001
2:59 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Its cheating, and you have every right to feel cheated on. He can have the type of friends that he brings home to dinner, so that the family can be a part of the sharing. That is it. He is lying to you, and that is part of the cheating. They say its like everything else, he is human and the relation that starts on line naturally progresses. He is sharing him self vs you. He is spending time with her vs you. He could be getting a cheap thrill, and validated, but he should do that with you, or its cheating. If he says but I can express my self with her, ask why not with you. Dr. Laura had written some inforon this, myght want to check her web site, but what if the kids find this, how can he explain, how can he justify? He can't take a stand and be a B* its part of the integrity of the marriage,its not acceptable for you, and if he says it is, then you have a real problem, seems like a small hill to take a stand on, until its gone further than, any one expected. He has violated your trust, and broken the circle. It makes you feel threatened, and now there is this greay area where you will not know what to believe or not believe, it sucks,

April 24, 2001
1:30 pm
Avatar
bouq
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for the input, Molly!

Yes, I feel it is cheating too.
But as long as he is denying the interaction, I feel it is impossible to work on it. Working on being honest has become the central issue.

How can that occur?

April 24, 2001
4:22 pm
Avatar
niceguy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know just what your going through because I just got out of a relationship with girl that was doing the same thing but the other person was my frind of six years what a frind.I lived a lie for a year and half telling my self that I was the problem that I did not treat her the way she needed me too 'wrong' I was the dumb one for doing that to my self. she took and took but there was no more at the end I was the only one that got hurt I had the pass word to her e-mail I wached there relationship progess dont do that to your self. every time I felt that thay where togather the e-mail just comfermed that. he does not love you your just a comfort zone for him that is why he wont let go of you or her trust me I'm still dealing with pain if you need to talk E-mail me [email protected] I wished I had some body like me to talk 6 mounth ago. GOOD LUCK!

April 24, 2001
8:01 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Disconnect the internet. I heard Good ole Dr. Laura talking about it again, and that was the suggestion that she made.
Our husbands took a vow, to love honor cherish and respect. He is supposed to respect your wishes, he is supposed to create a foundation of trust. Good luck, getting him to own up to it, just like the cartoon says never admit guilt, what you see is not what you see, sound familiar?

April 25, 2001
3:45 pm
Avatar
bouq
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Comfort zone?! I like that. Guess I have a "comfort zone" too or I would just leave. Wonder what is keeping me? Why am I afraid to leave?

April 25, 2001
3:52 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Comfort zone, denial zone, lazy zone. hell, it takes lots of action, energy, and a confrontation to pull up and start a new life. Things are not what you want, but most of what you need. history, fear, money, love, faith, hope, controll, stability, and doubt, confusion, guilt, shame, are all a few reasons to stay in a comfort zone. Bad, but not bad enough, when we are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then we do something. Some of us have higher thresholds than others. Some of us settle, comprimise, or don't really care.

April 25, 2001
4:24 pm
Avatar
niceguy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Im sorry thats [email protected]

April 26, 2001
1:04 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bouq, beware of e-mailing Niceguy here, although it is of a different nature, your treading in the same relm as your husband, next you'll hear is that you are doing it, so what is the big deal. I suggest sticking with women to personal e-mail. You two are no different than the mates, you share something that is intimate, relational problems, mutual support, sharing, intimacy, and that will lead to connecting more, more intimacy, then do you still have sex, yada yada yada then hey lets have a cup of coffee, and there you go, no better than the mates
See how easy it is to fall into a mess, go figure. Your choice, just an observation here.

April 30, 2001
2:34 pm
Avatar
bouq
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Exactly, Molly! I don't want a marriage with secrets!

I guess the only reason I haven't told my husband about checking HIS mail is because when I did before, the only thing he did was change addresses for her!
Still, we can't talk about "her" because when I ask him directly if he's "talked" to her, he says "no"
So Back to square one!

April 30, 2001
3:20 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Either you have trust or you don't. You want to make yourself crazy, then keep snooping, and keep the focus on him, you'll get there. Sad but true, untill he is working with you, on making you feel more secure, and re-establishing the trust, this is what you get. I think all men, want their cake and eat it too. Especially when the signs of aging start to show up, or the boredom, that eventually comes in marriage. But when the cost is laid out there, that mommy won't cook and clean, or be there for you if you insist on sexual fantasies with someone else, and miss sexual fantasy won't put up with you, or cook or clean, then reality hits, and behavior changes. Why don't you send him an e-mail to his seceret address, and language yourself as a bored housewife, whos husband is always into internet nonsense, and you thought you'd try to light a fire some where, since your guy is so wrapped up into computer stuff. Get a seceret address, and trap the bugger. Ha ha, its your own wife, and honey after you hit send the kitchen table has been cleared off, and I'm down stairs waiting for you. Makes you want to go hummmmm. What the heck????

May 2, 2001
1:49 pm
Avatar
bouq
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

CLEVER!

May 2, 2001
2:00 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was sorta kidding you know, don't want you heading for trouble 🙂

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
51 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109488

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714181

Newest Members:

RomanDef, lesleypq2, chip-xxx, rfvbkmrfVar, Denicedop, gtnhzyzVar

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer