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internet relationship
January 12, 2001
9:19 pm
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bonita
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My husband and I have been married 8 years. We have always had a very communicative relationship. We share our thoughts about everything. Doing this seems to keep our relationship honest. Within the last week, my husband told me that he had met a girl on-line in a chat room. In times past, he has talked to guys and girls on-line just as friends. This time, however, he tells me that she makes him feel all tingly inside. He has a lot in common with her and wakes up in the middle of the night to talk to her. He says that he just can't sleep and it's just something to do to pass the time. I fear that this relationship might grow into something more. He says that I am being unreasonable to ask him to talk to her no more. I can't help but feel that, as his wife, my feelings are being ignored. He wants me to lighten up and says he loves me as always--but I am saddened and disappointed deeply with his behavior. Please let me know if I am being unreasonable.

January 12, 2001
10:35 pm
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AF1
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I think you've every right to feel badly about this.

I always wonder how spouses would feel about a situation if the shoe was on the other foot. He thinks you're being unreasonable, but I think most men would be upset if their wife was getting up in the middle of the night to talk to a strange guy on the Net.

I saw this exact topic on Oprah once, Dr. Phil I think. Your husband is betraying you by feeling all tingly inside and sharing emotions with another woman. Regardless of it not being a face to face one. He must be flirting with her and she with him for him to feel "tingly".

What if you had a phone conversation with a strange man every night and couldn't wait to speak to him so much that you got up in the middle of the night? Whatever he's sharing with her, he should be sharing with you. And that makes him being unfaithful in my book. He is attracted to something about her which she is sending out to him. Their little innocent attraction is not fair to you. Tell him to grow up and be thankful for what he has in front of him. That Net relationship can add nothing to your marriage.

January 13, 2001
1:08 am
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madeline
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Bonita, I am very sorry your husband is doing this to you. I feel ashamed inside. I was netting a relationship with a married man in the middle of the night, and recently realized the devastation it may have caused. I stopped it. This man is still e-mailing me wondering what has happened. Even suggesting to meet me somewhere. I mailed him back and told him how inconsiderate it was of him to betray his wife, whom he vowed to love and cherish always one day....I just couldn't stand it anymore. If your husband continues on these night charades with this woman, maybe both of you could follow up with some marriage counseling. There must be something he is longing for inside. Sit down and talk with him. Pay him some attention. He probably would like that, and it may help both of you to know what each other needs. Feeling not so proud, but seeking forgiveness here.

January 13, 2001
10:54 am
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bonita
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Thanks to both of you for responding. It is helpful to receive objective feedback. Madeline--sounds like you did the right thing. I'm afraid that I may be making too much of this. My husband insists that it is nothing more than friendly chat. But AF1 is correct about their net relationship adding nothing to our marriage.

January 14, 2001
1:21 pm
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Molly
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I would treat this like adultry. This month Dr Laura who has a web site, has devoted her magazine on this topic, I believe it is the 10 lies we tell to support our internet relations or something like that. It violates your trust, he is sharing emotions with some one other than you. It is cheating in a new way. Draw the line, ask him to stop immediately. I can see how it snowballed, but he is aware, and must honor and respect you. Good for you Madeline, you did the right thing.
Why does the forbidden make us tingle??

January 14, 2001
11:39 pm
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bonita
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Thanks Molly for the Dr. Laura info. I'm going to look it up. My husband is angry at me because I don't accept his friendship with this girl. But it bothers me tremendously that he would rather lose me than quit talking to her just because I need him to do it. He is talking to her, of all people, about our problem.

January 15, 2001
9:04 am
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R2D2
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Here we go again. More goofball men who think the world should just stop turning because they are attracted to someone who makes them tingly. Good Grief....

Mothers, take a good look at how you are raising your sons. I, for one, have 2 sons. I sure hope I've instilled some common sense and decency in them. I hope they realize the whole world doesn't revolve around them and their hormones.

bonita, your husband is mad at YOU because you don't accept his relationship with someone he doesn't even know but is turned on by??????
Has he always been this shallow?
Is this a mid-life crisis? Does he need some major stroking to his ego which you're not providing????

I'm sorry, I just can't get over these guys. I'm sure there are just as many self-centered, "I-wanna-feel-good-at-any-cost" women out there.

This internet babe could be a GUY!
A 12 year old kid, a grandma, or a grampa for that matter. And your husband is ready to chuck it all for this unknown typist???

Okay, yep, now I've heard everything.

Unless, of course, he really does know this chick and is pretending it's just an internet thing. Could be a good plan.

Good luck Bonita, I don't think it takes a whole lot of counseling, talk shows or psychologist books to tell you that you're husband is acting very irrationally. I guess if he is willing to ruin a marriage over this, that in itself is reason enough to maybe dump him and go on with your life. For sure, I'd get my anger across to him and let him deal with it. You aren't at fault.

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