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Instructions for life #2
March 29, 2000
8:01 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Don't you just love Broc, especially liked him back in the cowboy hat and boot days. But just like many that find their light, it is the only light. Shall we address how anal he is???? Like if your healthy drop it get over it, move it on big boy. And lets talk about how therapy can be a substitute addiction. I have seen people become meeting junkies too. But I love you.
Every one is different, each marriage, relationship, each partner ship each human is different. And lets not forget that for many people dysfunctional is very functional. For a man of so many words, you have only had you to focus on, you have a very financially rewarding job, and all the goodies that go with it. But have you ever contemplated the word committment and integrity. Those are words that therapy likes to play with and I often wonder if it is not out to do away with religion. We don't need God or commandmments to live by we have books and groups that now tell us who, what , how and where. Have you personally followed through with committment, I don't think so and this may be your next opportunity for growth, unless you have joined Ayn Raynd for selfishness and capitolism! The true path for the healed co-dependent.
If you were married, and took a vow, had children, didn't have so much money, or the mommy that still takes care of you when you need her you might develop more compassion and empathy, but gee aren't those signs of co-dependency?
I was desperate before I left, one child still at home, one in college, and lots of bills, with a very sick man. Physically and mentally. He was taking medication, not drugs that made him a different personality, I had just entered menopause, talk about the twilight zone. This plus all the other problems including trying to raise 4 teens can make any home a dysfunctional Disneyland.
This here and there. So I left not the best of circumstances, rather foolish on my part with out much planning. Things were damn ugly for awhile, then my life came together,I had fun, maybe more fun than years, I dated, I had a job, and money was damn tight, and some what scary someplace I had never been before, and he my ex did not back off, that made it hard, kept reminding me I was his wife, mate, and made a committment. Well for several months he dropped out of the picture. Life was a struggle but good, just not used to poverty. He did not quit. He showed up in November we went through a few tests ie., old behavior. I responded different, he got it. Now mind you the entire time I was gone, he had done almost 2 years of therapy, dated, got his own home, circle of new friends, started to work out, lost 100 lbs,completed with his children for any wrongs, and got to know his grandchildren for the first time, got his illness pretty much under control, and realized his medication made him different. That in its self made such a difference. He was will ing to do just about anything to work at reconcilliation. I thought the only possible way was to do it under the same roof. How can we be a part of the recovery process if we do not trust it or test it. You get up you fall down. But I never would have had any emotional, spirtiual peace if I did not give him a chance. The committment part. Now I am trying to hold on to my personal integrity while he holds on to his. The most difficult task at present is finding out what we have in common again. Dispelling the fantasy that time helps to create, and finding a way to do right which we never did before. But I have some one who is open to trying that is a big big piece of the picture, as you have clearly stated. VRJ is right, if I need to learn something I will and move on. It was hard to leave the first time it took several years, but trust me if it does not work out it will be for totally different reasons and I won't wait another 12 years to decide. It is not smooth, it is taking work. Will it work, I would like to think so. But if it doesn't at least I can say I gave it my all, and so did he. I know what I had before I left, I know what it was like to be on my own, and I am getting the idea of what this is like, now just him, and I after therapy, living years in hell, and living apart.
I do agree, if we had all been forced to obey the commandments things would be different. Like a major ticket for adultry, like a 10k fine and classes on marriage. Like honoring parents, maybe we wouldn't have started drugs, kiling, and stealing would be big lessons too, if we all just followed the rules it might not hurt so bad, but that darn free will thing. Maybe its like what I said about relapse, God is here to love and forgive, even ourselves, and that there is nothing more important than this very second.

March 30, 2000
8:43 am
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janes
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September 24, 2010
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Molly..I admire you for the way you haave "done" your life. I think it is important thatyou try to work things out with your mate.

I have 4 teens and am starting menopause. My hubb y while not working presently is supportive and kind and non abusive. So the codep and enabling issues are mine and affect everyone.

I know what you mean about the "damn free will thing"... It's just always such a comfort to know there is one place we can get totally uncondidtional love.

As far as addicction to group and therapy I agree too. I would say addiction to therapy and group would be better than addiction to abuse, mental, verbal, emotional or physical.

See ya Mooly

Good job on YOU!!!

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